PDA

View Full Version : I am going to a wedding today



Alex England
07-24-2009, 02:51 AM
I am going to a wedding today, and it is going to be the first real major social event I have been to since I got sober. I feel a bit down because this time last year I thought I would be married before I blew that out the water with my last relapse.

The guy who's wedding it is is a guy from work so its going to mainly bouncers, who drink like fish, and I know there will be alot of coke going round as well.

In a way I am looking forwards to the opportuntiy to 'roadtest' my sobritety as since I got back from Vietnam I have been pretty much a recluse and I am aware that sooner of later I have to go out and deal with social situations.

I am going to visit my father's grave first as this is something I always draw alot of strengh from.
That's it really.

GirlyMuscle
07-24-2009, 07:15 AM
My thoughts are with you Alex. {{{hugs}}}

~gymdiva~
07-24-2009, 07:35 AM
wow...my thoughts are with you for sure...

Shawn Bellon
07-24-2009, 08:57 AM
Be safe bro. I don't know that I could be that strong in that environment. Are you taking someone with you to keep you accountable?

razorsedge
07-24-2009, 12:02 PM
Bring your cell and be prepared to call your sponsor during the reception.

Sistersteel
07-24-2009, 07:08 PM
What I am gathering from your post is that you've only had a year of sobriety under your belt, and you are planning on attending a social gathering knowing there will be drinks and drugs involved?

Gentlemen,
The disease of addiction is deceptive. As soon as you start to "think" you are strong enough to overcome the urge to use, or feel confident enough in your sobriety to where you willingly and consciously subject yourself to potentially dangerous situations, you will fall flat on your face. The truth of the matter is, YOU RELAPSE FAR BEFORE YOU EVER PICK THAT DRUG OR DRINK BACK UP. Relapse starts with a flawed thought process, and right now my friend you are walking a very fine line and are in dire need of some enlightenment and guidance. You NEED to work the steps.

The thing about our disease is it is always trying to convince us that as long as we do not pick up, it is ok to subject ourselves to people, places and things that serve as a reminder of the life we left behind. As addicts we get a rush just by having drugs or alcohol around. Nevermind having to actually use. That Is how we feed our disease, and it is only a matter of time before we surrender to that calling.

The steps teach us that as long as we refuse to admit that we are powerless over our disease, we are doomed to fail. That means, you thinking that at ANY POINT IN TIME, will you be able to subject yourself to situations where drugs and alcohol are invovled, is the thought process of one who has not sought out the principles of NA to help him overcome his addiction.

Its a reality check I have to give you my firend, because I am all too familiar with the excuses we, as addicts, make to excuse and justify the things we do.

"Roadtesting your sobritety" is irresponsible of an addict in recovery. You have NO BUSINESS attending that wedding. It should not matter who, when, what or why you "think" you are capable of subjecting yourself to that. What you "think" does not matter... IT WAS YOUR THINKING THAT ENDED YOU UP IN THIS MESS TO BEGIN WITH. The truth is, people like us WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS, DO CERTAIN THINGS, GO CERTAIN PLACES OR SOCIALIZE WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE. We are not like everyone else and we will never be able to live our lives as though we were. We will always need the structure of the program and the coping skills it instills in us to lead relatively normal lives.

A responsible sponsor would have advised you against the disaster you are setting yourself up for. Not your father nor all the angels in heaven combined can save you from yourself when that disease takes control of you. And that is the truth that most addicts new to recovery do not want to hear.

So spare yourself the "Sobriety Roadtest" my friend, and catch a meeting instead. Believe me...BELIEVE ME you will not regret it.


Respect,

SS

irishpride
07-24-2009, 07:15 PM
What I am gathering from your post is that you've only had a year of sobriety under your belt, and you are planning on attending a social gathering knowing there will be drinks and drugs involved?

Gentlemen,
The disease of addiction is deceptive. As soon as you start to "think" you are strong enough to overcome the urge to use, or feel confident enough in your sobriety to where you willingly and consciously subject yourself to potentially dangerous situations, you will fall flat on your face. The truth of the matter is, YOU RELAPSE FAR BEFORE YOU EVER PICK THAT DRUG OR DRINK BACK UP. Relapse starts with a flawed thought process, and right now my friend you are walking a very fine line and are in dire need of some enlightenment and guidance. You NEED to work the steps.

The thing about our disease is it is always trying to convince us that as long as we do not pick up, it is ok to subject ourselves to people, places and things that serve as a reminder of the life we left behind. As addicts we get a rush just by having drugs or alcohol around. Nevermind having to actually use. That Is how we feed our disease, and it is only a matter of time before we surrender to that calling.

The steps teach us that as long as we refuse to admit that we are powerless over our disease, we are doomed to fail. That means, you thinking that at ANY POINT IN TIME, will you be able to subject yourself to situations where drugs and alcohol are invovled, is the thought process of one who has not sought out the principles of NA to help him overcome his addiction.

Its a reality check I have to give you my firend, because I am all too familiar with the excuses we, as addicts, make to excuse and justify the things we do.

"Roadtesting your sobritety" is irresponsible of an addict in recovery. You have NO BUSINESS attending that wedding. It should not matter who, when, what or why you "think" you are capable of subjecting yourself to that. What you "think" does not matter... IT WAS YOUR THINKING THAT ENDED YOU UP IN THIS MESS TO BEGIN WITH. The truth is, people like us WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS, DO CERTAIN THINGS, GO CERTAIN PLACES OR SOCIALIZE WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE. We are not like everyone else and we will never be able to live our lives as though we were. We will always need the structure of the program and the coping skills it instills in us to lead relatively normal lives.

A responsible sponsor would have advised you against the disaster you are setting yourself up for. Not your father nor all the angels in heaven combined can save you from yourself when that disease takes control of you. And that is the truth that most addicts new to recovery do not want to hear.

So spare yourself the "Sobriety Roadtest" my friend, and catch a meeting instead. Believe me...BELIEVE ME you will not regret it.


Respect,

SS
i agree 100% with this..but you are going to make your own choices and have you spoken about this with your sponser? have you thought of an escape plan? have you told other sober people (in a program) you were going? do you have numbers to call besides your sponser (if you have one) if you feel overwhelmed? take your own transportation and leave when you feel uneasy..you dont owe anyone an explantion if you want to leave its your sobriety, and that is your life..personally my first year i didnt attend crap..to scared

Sistersteel
07-24-2009, 07:19 PM
i agree 100% with this..but you are going to make your own choices and have you spoken about this with your sponser? have you thought of an escape plan? have you told other sober people (in a program) you were going? do you have numbers to call besides your sponser (if you have one) if you feel overwhelmed? take your own transportation and leave when you feel uneasy..you dont owe anyone an explantion if you want to leave its your sobriety, and that is your life..personally my first year i didnt attend crap..to scared


People rarely feel uneasy for subjecting themselves willingly to a situation. He KNOWS what to expect. I do not like this one bit. Does not look or sound good no matter how you phrase it. He has no business going. PERIOD.

irishpride
07-24-2009, 08:05 PM
People rarely feel uneasy for subjecting themselves willingly to a situation. He KNOWS what to expect. I do not like thi one bit. Does not look or sound good no matter how you phrase it. He has no business going. PERIOD.
yuppers, i totally agree..his sponser should have said this to him..my sponser used and still does tell me when i have no business attending certain events..a freinds wedding isnt a major priority..especailly if he used/drank wtih them..to many triggers and uncontrollable varieables..me personally i wouldnt have gone..and if i am forced into a situation (generally family events,weddings,holidays) i always take the precautions i posted earlier..

Alex England
07-25-2009, 04:05 AM
People rarely feel uneasy for subjecting themselves willingly to a situation. He KNOWS what to expect. I do not like this one bit. Does not look or sound good no matter how you phrase it. He has no business going. PERIOD.

I appreciate your sentiments and I do understand what your saying, but I really had to go. Anyway, it went fine, found it far less stressful than I thought I would. Was at home in bed by eleven.

Sistersteel
07-25-2009, 04:23 AM
I appreciate your sentiments and I do understand what your saying, but I really had to go. Anyway, it went fine, found it far less stressful than I thought I would. Was at home in bed by eleven.


You really do not have to do anything that poses a risk to your sobriety. Just because it went well does not mean you are cured and can subject yourself to that environment on a frequent basis.


I am glad you are well though. What matters is that just for today, you are clean and sober, and tomorrow will take care of itself.

SS

Alex England
07-25-2009, 04:23 AM
Regarding so of the other stuff, I don't have a sponser right now as my recovery started in Asia, then I have only been in the UK for 6 weeks and now I am moving to LA on tuesday.

Maybe a took a risk with my recovery by going, but I don't think so. I was more conerned I would find it stressful and then feel depressed that I find it hard to socialise without drinking.
As it was I found the opposite, I had a good time, my last chance to see a few buddies of my who just got back from the army, it was good. A real confidence boost.

I am around booze and drunks every weekend anyway, I work as a bouncer. I frequently confiscate drugs and have them in my possession. I can't avoid it ITS MY JOB. Until tuesday, when I move to the states, then I am going to find a new line of work.:):):)


The reason I made this thread was to force some kind of accountabilty on myself. Thank you all for your sentiments/advice.

Here are some wedding photos with me sober and actually enjoying myself! Make the most of the because they are probably the only internet photos of me in a suit anyone will ever see:p

Sistersteel
07-25-2009, 04:26 AM
:):):):)

Looking good there Alex! Oh hell, let the good times roll. :beerbang:

Alex England
07-25-2009, 05:33 AM
:):):):)

Looking good there Alex! Oh hell, let the good times roll. :beerbang:

Cheers sister:)

Shawn Bellon
07-25-2009, 08:18 AM
Gad you were safe bro. :)

GirlyMuscle
07-25-2009, 09:30 AM
Alex....you're quite the hottie these days....glad you had a good time.

So moving to LA, huh? Why the states?

~gymdiva~
07-25-2009, 11:00 AM
glad to hear all went well! gorgeous dress on the bride, too!

Ninja Loco
07-25-2009, 12:28 PM
We'll have to hook up when I visit my brothers Paul and Hittin in LA.

Alex England
07-25-2009, 01:00 PM
Gad you were safe bro. :)
Cheers bro


Alex....you're quite the hottie these days....glad you had a good time.

So moving to LA, huh? Why the states?
I'm moving to LA because I want to write movie scripts. Also, I think people are a bit like goldfish. Sometimes you need to move to a bigger tank to keep growing. And I just want a new start.


glad to hear all went well! gorgeous dress on the bride, too!
She looked great, everyone had a good time.


We'll have to hook up when I visit my brothers Paul and Hittin in LA.

Definatly bro, right now I am 90% sure I am renting a place in Venice though there is a small chance I might take a flat in Koreatown instead. let me know when you'll be in town.
Right now I need to find some new folk to train with. Biggest wrench for me about moving will be losing my training partner of 10 years, whose garage I workout in whenever I am down south. Bench, powerack, oylmpic bar, a shit load of weights and some strongman equipment, thats it, no heating, no air con, no frills. Had some of the best workouts of my life in there.:)

defg300
10-02-2009, 04:26 PM
In the summer of 2000, the concept of luxury denim was introduced to a scrutinizing, though genuinely enthusiastic industry and public. At the forefront was the popular Seven for all Mankind label, originating in Los Angeles, which can arguably be credited with the progressive transformation of denim from a material of the working man to that of the rich man. wholesale true religion,replica true religion,cheap true religion,true religion jeans.A public feeding frenzy ensued as denim's popularity escalated and demand increased.Discount True Religion (http://www.annaz.net/wholesale-True-Religion-id-404/)