Sistersteel
02-22-2009, 08:52 PM
I made this post on my home board as a result of certain disappointments I had endured. Thought I would post this write up here as well in hopes that all you ladies might appreciate it. It is a window into my heart and I am sure most female bodybuilders on this forum can relate. After all, our struggles are the same though we've all developed our own coping skills to deal with harsh reality that surrounds our existence.
I rarely make a rather sentimental post that results from a lot of reflection and pondering over certain occurrences and situations I have found myself in. Let me start by saying that I have worked the boards for many years and met some very interesting and inspiring people, people with a common goal and purpose, and that is to eat, train, and grow in the many magnificent ways that the iron forges the essence of our being. I have competed in the industry, I have worked it, I have experienced its hardships, treachery and deception firsthand. I have ventured to the darkest of sides, obsessed and lost, put my body through the agonies of pain and injury, and tasted sweet victory. I married a bodybuilder and I've worked my way out of corporate America and into the industry fulltime in less than a decade since I set foot on American soil. So granted I chose not to compete for the vanity of a Pro card, I certainly am a bodybuilding professional in the sense that I make a living in bodybuilding, and a rather lucrative one. I have written hundreds of diets over the years, and have worked with people from all walks of life on their fitness endeavors. I've accomplished what many could only wish to accomplish as an athlete and as a person, working my ass off (humbly i might add) to being one of the biggest female bodybuilders on the face of the earth. I am one of the few who have been able to find that perfect balance between femininity and strength and have spent most of my life trying to spread the knowledge in an attempt to salvage what was once beautiful about a female bodybuilder. The industry has been very good to me. It has allowed me to survive off doing what I love and in return I've been able to give back to the community by helping run prestigious communities such as this one, and meeting wonderful supportive individuals such as yourselves. I am very grateful to have you all.
But my struggles with beauty and strength are never-ending. And though time and the iron have toughened me up in more ways than one, I still feel the bitterness and solitude that have resulted from the choices I have made. I am not the most beautiful by any means to many people, but my outward appearance is a testimony to the fact that women CAN be beautiful and strong. Please do not deprive me of that. I have always believed in that and my beliefs have manifested themselves in my life. I do not regret a minute of the sweat, tears and blood that I have shed or the time and sacrifice I've invested in my sport.
I feel appreciated at home and among the very select friends that I have and that is all that should matter. I feel appreciated by the hundreds of emails from people from all over the world writing to commend me on my efforts. I feel appreciated when all of you take the time to read long sentimental sappy posts such as this one, and then offer encouragement and support when I am either on top of my game or buried in the gutter. I feel appreciated when people value my opinion and ask for my advice. I feel appreciated when you trust me enough to ask me for advice and take it. I feel appreciated when I get offered money (sadly enough) just so someone could stare at me and watch me flex, or an old woman asking me for a spot at the gym.
All these little things that make me love who I am... I thank you all for making it possible for women like me to love who we are and take immense pride in what we do. Thank you for giving my life a purpose. Thank you to my husband who makes me feel beautiful in all my seasons and gives me peace when the lashing tongues of ignorance make me feel undesirable.
Many people will continue to hate and continue to make me feel unattractive. Many people will continue to say hurtful things to me and try to rattle my confidence. And posts like this are a result of my actually having fallen prey
to jealous foes, that I felt the need to pat myself on the back and give myself some credit for all I have done for myself and all those who believed in me through the years.
So yes my feelings are hurt sometimes, but that's ok. I have learned that I can still be happy with myself even if some do not approve of the way I look or what I do for a living. As long as I have my health, my friends, my family and my faith, I am ok.
Love conquers all!
I rarely make a rather sentimental post that results from a lot of reflection and pondering over certain occurrences and situations I have found myself in. Let me start by saying that I have worked the boards for many years and met some very interesting and inspiring people, people with a common goal and purpose, and that is to eat, train, and grow in the many magnificent ways that the iron forges the essence of our being. I have competed in the industry, I have worked it, I have experienced its hardships, treachery and deception firsthand. I have ventured to the darkest of sides, obsessed and lost, put my body through the agonies of pain and injury, and tasted sweet victory. I married a bodybuilder and I've worked my way out of corporate America and into the industry fulltime in less than a decade since I set foot on American soil. So granted I chose not to compete for the vanity of a Pro card, I certainly am a bodybuilding professional in the sense that I make a living in bodybuilding, and a rather lucrative one. I have written hundreds of diets over the years, and have worked with people from all walks of life on their fitness endeavors. I've accomplished what many could only wish to accomplish as an athlete and as a person, working my ass off (humbly i might add) to being one of the biggest female bodybuilders on the face of the earth. I am one of the few who have been able to find that perfect balance between femininity and strength and have spent most of my life trying to spread the knowledge in an attempt to salvage what was once beautiful about a female bodybuilder. The industry has been very good to me. It has allowed me to survive off doing what I love and in return I've been able to give back to the community by helping run prestigious communities such as this one, and meeting wonderful supportive individuals such as yourselves. I am very grateful to have you all.
But my struggles with beauty and strength are never-ending. And though time and the iron have toughened me up in more ways than one, I still feel the bitterness and solitude that have resulted from the choices I have made. I am not the most beautiful by any means to many people, but my outward appearance is a testimony to the fact that women CAN be beautiful and strong. Please do not deprive me of that. I have always believed in that and my beliefs have manifested themselves in my life. I do not regret a minute of the sweat, tears and blood that I have shed or the time and sacrifice I've invested in my sport.
I feel appreciated at home and among the very select friends that I have and that is all that should matter. I feel appreciated by the hundreds of emails from people from all over the world writing to commend me on my efforts. I feel appreciated when all of you take the time to read long sentimental sappy posts such as this one, and then offer encouragement and support when I am either on top of my game or buried in the gutter. I feel appreciated when people value my opinion and ask for my advice. I feel appreciated when you trust me enough to ask me for advice and take it. I feel appreciated when I get offered money (sadly enough) just so someone could stare at me and watch me flex, or an old woman asking me for a spot at the gym.
All these little things that make me love who I am... I thank you all for making it possible for women like me to love who we are and take immense pride in what we do. Thank you for giving my life a purpose. Thank you to my husband who makes me feel beautiful in all my seasons and gives me peace when the lashing tongues of ignorance make me feel undesirable.
Many people will continue to hate and continue to make me feel unattractive. Many people will continue to say hurtful things to me and try to rattle my confidence. And posts like this are a result of my actually having fallen prey
to jealous foes, that I felt the need to pat myself on the back and give myself some credit for all I have done for myself and all those who believed in me through the years.
So yes my feelings are hurt sometimes, but that's ok. I have learned that I can still be happy with myself even if some do not approve of the way I look or what I do for a living. As long as I have my health, my friends, my family and my faith, I am ok.
Love conquers all!