zander
10-09-2009, 01:49 AM
Hi guys , Im 40 ... done two comps , started at it all late in life but hit a pretty good peak in condition the last comp ... nothing 'really' left to prove to anyone that matters ( family/friends ) on a stage , but I still feel in myself that I have unfinished business.
Now none of this is an issue except that 4 weeks after my last comp in april this year I had a heart attack. 100% blockage posterior artery and 60% blockage anterior...... ok so I survived the heart attack ironically because of the increased vascualrisation and strength of my heart .. They unblocked and stented the blockage and put me on a shit load of drugs to treat the heart disease, keep my blood thin and keep my blood pressure down .. and will be on the drugs for probably the rest of my life.
I was off all gear when it happened ... about mid way thru a PCT, but the experience really hammered my hormones , well being , body mass and conditioning ... its like getting hit by a truck .... went into hospital at 100kg came out 10 days latter at 90 ...
2 weeks latter I was back in the gym .... so weak ... the head spins , shortness of breath , smashing pain in my chest & back ... every ache and pain I was thinking ok is this it ? is this the one ... should I be here doing this....
Today Im running 5km every morning , gym 3-4 times a week , doing 2 body parts a workout giant set style .. still very weak or too scared to go very heavy, but I get a good solid workout done. 97kg and the clothes are fitting well in the right places again ... no where near 100% but a bit better every day ...
Im thinking now I might actually survive this quite well , hopefully I have another couple decades in me to see my kids grow up and move on with life themselves....
Am I being selfish to think about competeing again ??? Am I being selfish with my second chance ?
As I said my hormones are shot , think I pretty well fried my nuts the last comp ... I have an awesome endocrinologist and we will work though this for a positive resolution within a few months. Either Im bouncing back slowly and encourage that or we just get on HRT forever and be done with it.
Ive read about alot of people that have life and health challenges and still strive for excellence in themselves, they become role models and everyone cheers for them. But now when I find myself with an opportunity again I also find myself feeling a bit guilty of maybe risking the second chance I have been given with my family ...
Really appreciate your opinions troops ...
Now none of this is an issue except that 4 weeks after my last comp in april this year I had a heart attack. 100% blockage posterior artery and 60% blockage anterior...... ok so I survived the heart attack ironically because of the increased vascualrisation and strength of my heart .. They unblocked and stented the blockage and put me on a shit load of drugs to treat the heart disease, keep my blood thin and keep my blood pressure down .. and will be on the drugs for probably the rest of my life.
I was off all gear when it happened ... about mid way thru a PCT, but the experience really hammered my hormones , well being , body mass and conditioning ... its like getting hit by a truck .... went into hospital at 100kg came out 10 days latter at 90 ...
2 weeks latter I was back in the gym .... so weak ... the head spins , shortness of breath , smashing pain in my chest & back ... every ache and pain I was thinking ok is this it ? is this the one ... should I be here doing this....
Today Im running 5km every morning , gym 3-4 times a week , doing 2 body parts a workout giant set style .. still very weak or too scared to go very heavy, but I get a good solid workout done. 97kg and the clothes are fitting well in the right places again ... no where near 100% but a bit better every day ...
Im thinking now I might actually survive this quite well , hopefully I have another couple decades in me to see my kids grow up and move on with life themselves....
Am I being selfish to think about competeing again ??? Am I being selfish with my second chance ?
As I said my hormones are shot , think I pretty well fried my nuts the last comp ... I have an awesome endocrinologist and we will work though this for a positive resolution within a few months. Either Im bouncing back slowly and encourage that or we just get on HRT forever and be done with it.
Ive read about alot of people that have life and health challenges and still strive for excellence in themselves, they become role models and everyone cheers for them. But now when I find myself with an opportunity again I also find myself feeling a bit guilty of maybe risking the second chance I have been given with my family ...
Really appreciate your opinions troops ...