Funny wrestling stories

[TheCutMan]

I thought we could have a thread where everyone can post funny stories about wrestlers/wrestling.

I start off with a funny story out of Ric Flair's autobiography:

Ric Flair and Blackjack Mulligan wrestled for Jim Crockett back in the 80s. One hot summer day, both of them were driving with Jim Crockett to an event.
Flair and Blackjack were only wearing boxers and drinking beer like crazy because it was so freaking hot. After a while they told Crockett to pull over because they had to piss.
They both got out of the car with only their boxers on - Mulligan was wearing his cowboy boots and hat, too - and pissed at the side of the road. Jim Crockett was playing a little joke on the guys and started driving slowly away from them, so that Flair and Mulligan had to run after his car.
As I said it was really hot and the sun was burning down on the street. Ric Flair was barefoot and asked Mulligan to carry him because his feet began to hurt like shit due to the heat. So Mulligan had to carry the "Naitch" until Crockett finally stopped and they could get back in the car.
Jim Crockett couldn't stop laughing and so Flair & Mulligan asked him what's so funny.
Crockett said that he was listening to CB radio where two truck drivers talked about this incident they had just seen driving by.
One truck driver said: "Did you see that cowboy walking down the road ???"
And the other one replied: "Yeah I did and he was carrying the ugliest woman I ever saw !!!"

[TheCutMan]

Shawn Michaels, Marty Janetty, Scott Hall and Curt Hennig were the new generation at the AWA in the 80s. But they always had the feeling that the old stars were trying to hold them down.
Everything seemed to change when Curt Hennig got the world title from Nick Bockwinkel and all of them were very happy that they finally made it to the top. But when he had to drop the title back to Jerry Lawler Marty Janetty got really upset about it - he was always a little bit of a maniac.
Now this night, a big snowstorm was going on outside. So Marty took the world title belt when nobody was watching, went outside and hid it under the snow. The title was never found again and disappeared forever.

[TheCutMan]

Another funny story from "Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling":

On December 3, 1991 the WWF had a one-time-only PPV in San Antonio, Texas called "Tuesday in Texas".
After the event many wrestlers went to a strip bar. The new drug testing policy was about to begin (banning all non-prescription drugs) and so they wanted to enjoy that last night of not having to worry about drug testing.
Owen, Bret, Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, the Road Warriors, Curt Hennig, the British Bulldog, the Bossman - everybody was there.

Suddenly around midnight Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself entered the bar. "That was unusual because Vince didn't make a habit of hanging out with the boys. But what really turned heads was that Vince was shit-faced, his tie hanging loosely around his neck."
"Then I heard Hogan daring a wild-eyed Hawk into doing the L.O.D. finish on Vince right there in the bar. Suddenly Animal crouched behind Vince, stuck his head between Vince's legs and picked him up off the floor. Vince was laughing as Animal walked him over to all of us. Hawk had already climbed up on the bar, gripping a stripper pole, assuring Hulk that he was going to take Vince's head off. I thought, Wow, he's actually going to do it, but at the last second Hawk thought better of it and leapt off the table, gently hitting Vince with his arm. Hulk and Beefcake caught Vince and set him to his feet to a round of golf claps from an assortment of ass-kissers who seemed to materialize on cue.

I rolled my eyes at Jim, who boldly declared, 'Hart Foundation' would have had the balls to do it!'". Not really thinking about it Bret agreed and before he knew it the Anvil had Vince up for the "Hart Attack". Nobody thought that Bret's gonna do it but he started running towards Jim, jumped off high and gave Vince a devastating clothesline.
Laying there on the ground Vince said: "You owe me a drink, Hitman!" And so they continued drinking until the bar closed.

All wrestlers finally got out of the bar after police came in to clear them out. Now they headed to Flair's penthouse suite at the Marriott Hotel. Problem was they couldn't get out of the parking lot because a police cruiser was blocking the way out. "So Slaughter, with his big chin sticking out, burned the rubber off his tires as he pushed the cop car to the side of the road."

Arriving at the hotel Flair wasn't home yet. So Vince demanded the key for Flair's room and all wrestlers went up to continue partying. But there was no alcohol except one full bottle of vodka. Bret had been on a trip to Mexico a little while ago where he got himself "a giant baggie filled with Mexican dirt-weed". "The party was about to die when a bag of dirt-weed mysteriously appeared and joints were rolled and lit. I saw first-hand what the boys thought of Flair when everybody used his king-sized bed as a urinal, even Vince, stripped down to his boxers, back shoes and socks, and his tie."

[Uncle Benny]

hahaha...... funny stuff man!

[~gymdiva~]

omg that last story is classic! :lmao:

[Gaoshang Xiongshou]

This thread has HUGE potential :ok:

[TheCutMan]

Glad you like it. Feel free to add more funny stories that you know of. :)

In the meanwhile I add another one out of Bret Hart's book:
It was march of 89, time for Wrestlemania V. It was Hogan vs Macho in the main event and the first time ever Bret and his brother Owen were both on a Wrestlemania card.
Owen was the Blue Blazer back then and had to do the job for Curt Hennig aka Mr Perfect. The "original" Hart Foundation were going over in a tag match against Honky and Greg Valentine.

Anyway, Bret Hart brought his father Stu to Atlantic City with him to watch this special event. Stu roomed with Bret and his daughter Jade.

Before I continue I should say that Stu was a very "old school" type of guy - both outside and inside the ring. He made their basement in Calgary famous by stretching out everyone you dared to train with him. Therefore it's called the "Hart Dungeon".
These things probably everybody knew. What's not so commonly know is the fact that Stu Hart was in fact a big fan of Reg Park and his physique.

So there we are on the morning of Wrestlemania V in Bret's and Stu's hotelroom. A call comes in and Stu - still wearing his striped nightshirt - is beginning to smile as he picks up the phone and sais: "Yeah, Reg... how the hell are you?"
Everything was going fine for a while but all of a sudden, Stu's mood seemed to change as Reg said: "Stu, you were always afraid of me. You never had the balls to try me, or I would have shoved yor head up your ass!"
Stu Hart's head was getting red and the veins started popping out. He was running around the room like a madman and said: "Reg, if you wanted to try me, why didn't you try me?"
"I [Bret Hart] was sure Stu was about to head downstairs and face off with Reg right there in the lobby! Jade [Bret's daughter] was wide-eyed, wondering why Grampy was getting so upset.
Then Stu abruptly sat on the bed and slammed the phone down. A shy, almost embarrassed smile broke over my dad's face. One I'll never forget."
Stu still couldn't believe what has been going on and said: "That was Owen. The little bastard got me!"

[TheCutMan]

Here's little story about Kane from the book "Are we there yet?".

This was back in the day when Kane was still wrestling under a mask and had long hair.
Always when he was in the main event of a show he didn't shower backstage but tried to get out of the building as fast as he could to get out of the parking lot before all the fans get out and it gets chaotic outside the arena and on the streets.

So he grabs his bag and a towel, gets out of the building, jumps into his car and drives to the hotel.
As he arrives they give him his key. He goes up to "his" room, opens up, throws his bag into the room, switches on the light and all of a sudden he is seeing an old couple in "his" bed. They are jumping up and are holding each other tight, shivering with fear.
A 300-pound guy, 6 ft 8 tall with dark long hair hiding his face is standing in their room and he is wearing a black & read outfit with black leather boots.
The old man stumbles something like "Please leave us alone..." as the guy from the front desk comes in with a key in his hand and sais: "I'm sorry Mr. Jacobs [Kane's real name is Glen Jacobs], I've given you the wrong keys".

[TPT]

Here's little story about Kane from the book "Are we there yet?".

This was back in the day when Kane was still wrestling under a mask and had long hair.
Always when he was in the main event of a show he didn't shower backstage but tried to get out of the building as fast as he could to get out of the parking lot before all the fans get out and it gets chaotic outside the arena and on the streets.

So he grabs his bag and a towel, gets out of the building, jumps into his car and drives to the hotel.
As he arrives they give him his key. He goes up to "his" room, opens up, throws his bag into the room, switches on the light and all of a sudden he is seeing an old couple in "his" bed. They are jumping up and are holding each other tight, shivering with fear.
A 300-pound guy, 6 ft 8 tall with dark long hair hiding his face is standing in their room and he is wearing a black & read outfit with black leather boots.
The old man stumbles something like "Please leave us alone..." as the guy from the front desk comes in with a key in his hand and sais: "I'm sorry Mr. Jacobs [Kane's real name is Glen Jacobs], I've given you the wrong keys".


lmao. its jigsaw from saw!

[TPT]

I thought we could have a thread where everyone can post funny stories about wrestlers/wrestling.

I start off with a funny story out of Ric Flair's autobiography:

Ric Flair and Blackjack Mulligan wrestled for Jim Crockett back in the 80s. One hot summer day, both of them were driving with Jim Crockett to an event.
Flair and Blackjack were only wearing boxers and drinking beer like crazy because it was so freaking hot. After a while they told Crockett to pull over because they had to piss.
They both got out of the car with only their boxers on - Mulligan was wearing his cowboy boots and hat, too - and pissed at the side of the road. Jim Crockett was playing a little joke on the guys and started driving slowly away from them, so that Flair and Mulligan had to run after his car.
As I said it was really hot and the sun was burning down on the street. Ric Flair was barefoot and asked Mulligan to carry him because his feet began to hurt like shit due to the heat. So Mulligan had to carry the "Naitch" until Crockett finally stopped and they could get back in the car.
Jim Crockett couldn't stop laughing and so Flair & Mulligan asked him what's so funny.
Crockett said that he was listening to CB radio where two truck drivers talked about this incident they had just seen driving by.
One truck driver said: "Did you see that cowboy walking down the road ???"
And the other one replied: "Yeah I did and he was carrying the ugliest woman I ever saw !!!"


lol. ric flair does did look like a drag queen in the later years.

[airagee23]

Those are some awesome stories.

[antonbrn]

Those are great stories, and it sounds like alot of wild times.

[TheCutMan]

To mix it up a little bit, here are a few funny quotes. :D

"Big Sexy" Kevin Nash on Raw headwriter Brian Gewirtz:

I think his name is Brian Gewertz. He's like the head writer of Raw, and I never understood how our show is based on sex and violence, and you've got a guy as the head writer who's never been laid and never been in a fight.

"Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner on him taking a test in WWE's Wellness Policy:

I'm cool with that, just send over Triple H and we can take our tests together

"The Lone Wolf" Scott Hall to the Dudleyz backstage at a Raw show:

You guys got a cool finishing move. I can't wait to kick out of it.

Scott Steiner on HHH and HBK:

I’ve made a lot of money, and more importantly, I’ve saved a lot of money. I’m not bitter. I love this business and that’s why I’m still in it. I’m just telling you the way it is, man. Because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. There’s no way I’m jealous, because there’s no way I would want their careers. For one thing, I couldn’t be Triple H because there’s no way I could fuck with Chyna. And he was doing that before she even got face reconstruction. There has only been two people in the history of the Howard Stern Show where they had them go to the bathroom to make sure they were women – Chyna and Nicole Bass. And she was on the fucking show after the face reconstruction.

[ROTFLMAO]

B Brian Blair said on a Radio-Show - "(time-period was mid 70s in Florida where Dusty Rhodes was HUGE Ba Dum Ch), Dusty Rhodes, Blair, Andre the giant are driving in one car which is modified in the back seat to give Andre room. Theyre all piss-drunk, and it's the middle of the DAY. Rhodes was also the "Booker" at that time too (One who makes stories, match-ups, who wins, etc...). So they have this cooler in the back seat with bottles of piss cause they HAVE TOO make it too this City for a show. Of course theres a seperate cooler of beer on Andres other side too.

Blairs driving and he says "Out of the fn'blue this Deer comes tearingass right across the road in front of the car....I swerve hard and missed it, but the cooler of Beer flies forward drenching me. Rhodes started screaming very hyperly "Oh my god you got pizz on the dream! Damn you BB Im gonna make you pay! I'm a superstar oh mercy! Etc.." The Piss cooler had drenched Dusty Rhodes, B Blair said Andre was laughing so-hard (of course the volume), car was shaking, and tears were coming out his eyes.

Not even a week later the three were driving somewhere but its Pitch-Black at night, and being drunk again they gotta gotake a piss. No coolers for obvious reason. They haul their butts out of the car, and cant see shit. Theyre in the middle of nowhere so theyre holding their arms out waving so they dont walk into something....B Blair says he sees a tree...so he whips it out and starts peeing. All of a sudden he hears right in front of him "Not again! Oh no Im jobbin ya BB! The Dream gets pizzed on two times in one week! Oh ill etc...." B Blair was mistakingly pissing on Rhodes leg. He could hear Andre laughing so loud in the woods.

[ROTFLMAO]

The Junkyard Dog?!

I could get REALLY detailed in this story because the "flavor" of the time was incredible (If I did Dave Meltzer would sue me btw, He's the foremost historian on ANYTHHING to do with "Wrestling" (including MMA) and did the most incredible bio on Dog when he died. To you Dave I just try and recall your story, and omit anything I didnt know and keep in what the general public knows. Go to Dave and get it cause its WAY more awesome than anything I'd write - Wrestlingobserver.com ).

Ok. Back in the early 80's again. This is before Vince McMahon put the "Death Knell" on the wrestling industry dispelling making the public believe "wrestling was real". The territory Dog was in Easily was the poorest Demographic in the country for the business. This is Mid-South Territory Louisiana and surrounding states. JYD was selling out 30,000 seat auditoriums....WEEKLY. The public adored him fiercely, and again realize, the public believed Pro-Wrestling to be real. It was so rough the security for that company was stuff of legend. Bill Watts the promoter even had a place called the "room" where people that jumped a wrestler were taken too, beaten, and by Watts sometimes too. This all happened.

JYD had a program against The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Terry Gordy, and Buddy Rogers). Make long story short - Michael Hayes has this cream that magicians use to create fire (Y'all DON"T KNOW just how much money that magicians cream made for wrestling btw), and he throws it in JYDs' face. Big Ol Fireball goes into Dogs face, and he sells it well. The audience is freaking, and the Freebirds run like madmen into a car that speed them out of the building. This was typical back then in this territory cause fans of JYD would wait outside the auditorium to beat-up JYDs opponents.

The Junkyard Dog is Blind! He'll never be able to see! His career is over! The public outcry was overwhelming. The big sell for the auditorium was JYDs farewell speech. Complete almost instantaneous sell-out.

Audience that night is SOBBING when he's led out to the ring. Selling it all, Dog has the dark glasses on and is holding onto a guys shoulder in front of him being led. Theyre in the ring finally, Security in the place is on High-Alert. Dogs talking - then all of a sudden the "Freebirds" show up.

Place is absolutely Out-of-control! Freebirds get in the ring where JYDs standing there by himself. What happens next was not "planned") They get in the ring, and "Bam" Some brotha dressed like "Dolemite" jumps two rows and is in the ring in-between Dog and The Birds. With a gun outstretched right at Micheal "P.S." Hayes. "I GOT YOUR BACK DOG! DOG I GOT YOUR BACK!!! For a few brief seconds Hayes thinks himself a dead man, and Dog has the gunman right in front of him, but he can't "see" remember. So he is unable to help because he CANT RUIN THE ANGLE!

Like Ants security swarms this guy! They tackled him hard simultaneously! Reports were he was elevated even in the air from impact like the Iwo Jima flag, and then smothered him like Secret Service. The Freebirds run like madmen into a car that speeds them out of the building.

[ROTFLMAO]

Abdullah the Butcher had to be one of the fattest pro-wrestlers ever. He was supposedly arabic, acted like a crazed-madman, and bled from the forehead like nobodies business. There was SO-MUCH scar tissue on his forehead Abby while playing cards would joke around and have needles, pins, etc... in his forehead while playing cards or whatever. His immense fatness would typically be seen lounging across two seats with a cigar in his mouth.

So theres this wrestling-show being held in this huge bar/restaurant. They book Abby in the Main-Event vs some guy. Whats funny is this "bar" is more of a Family restaurant than anything so theres lots of little kids. Anyway the two start fighting in the final match, and fall out the ring. They start hitting each other with chairs, brawling through the crowd...to the back, and go thru the Double-Doors leading into the kitchen.

All the little kids go running to the doors to see what happens. Nothing for a bit (building anticipation), and then ALL the little kids scream out and are running full-speed away from the doors.
Here comes Abdullah staggering out of the double-doors, bleeding with a Dinner Fork sticking out of his forehead.
Morale of the story is that when booking a family show dont hire Abdullah.

[TheCutMan]

Haha great stories.
Don't piss on the Dream. :D

[ROTFLMAO]

Bret Hart’s Pee Mouthwash

Canadian wrestling legend Stu Hart was no softie – he raised eight boys and four girls in his sprawling Calgary home and without exception, every single one of them either got into the wrestling business or married someone who did. Stu’s single-minded love of grappling often made life hard for his kids, who were raised “too poor for real pants,” according to 8th son Bret’s memoir.

Apparently, things at the Hart household were always teetering on the brink of complete anarchy, with Stu letting Terrible Ted the wrestling bear hibernate under the porch in winter and all the kids being stretched by their father in the basement dungeon. But the worst thing in the book is the tales of Bret’s older brothers Smith and Bruce, as a regular ritual, blasting hot gouts of pee into young Bret’s face in the communal showers. It burned!

[ROTFLMAO]

Andre’s Bad News

The legendary Andre the Giant was a man with huge appetites for food, sex, and booze. He would regularly down multiple bottles of wine with dinner and feel no ill effects, but one time the good stuff got the best of him in a match with underrated grappler Bad News Allen. The pair had been working a series of matches around the horn, but Andre had started coming down with a vicious stomach virus while on tour.

A consummate professional, he continued to step into the ring and give it his all, but when it came time for Andre to deliver his trademark running butt splash in the corner, the Giant added a little accidental insult to injury. Yes, Andre’s oversized bowels let loose from the impact of the move and he released a jet of feces all over the ring. Bad News immediately made for the showers, losing the match by disqualification.

[ROTFLMAO]

Messiah’s Thumbs

In the grand legends of truly sleazy wrestling, no company was ever as awful as Rob Black’s XPW. Black had made his fortune producing “adult entertainment” of a particularly rancid stripe, often starring his then-wife Lizzy Borden. With that money, he ran an indy promotion in the Los Angeles area that often featured adult entertainers as valets.

Well, Borden ended up getting close with XPW star Messiah, and before you know it two unidentified guys broke into Messiah’s apartment, beat him severely, smashed a fishtank over his head and cut off his thumb. Oddly enough, they didn’t steal anything, making most people in the know come to the conclusion that they were hired muscle sent by Black to pay the wrestler back for his adultery. Uh, dude, you can’t get mad when you marry a porn star and she bones other people

[ROTFLMAO]

Bruiser Brody Stabbing

Bruiser Brody was one of the wildest men in wrestling history, but the way he met his end was over the line, even for him. After a lifetime of wild matches all over the world, Brody travelled to Puerto Rico, home of some of the most intensely involved wrestling fans on Earth. Before a show in Bayamon, Brody was approached in the locker room by fellow wrestler Jose Huertas Gonzalez, who worked under a mask as Invader I.

Under the pretense of conducting private business, Gonzalez lured Brody into the showers, where he pulled out a concealed knife and stabbed him multiple times in the chest. Brody was rushed to the hospital but died during surgery, and through some miracle Gonzalez escaped any jail time for his cowardly assault.To add insult to injury, they had to break both of Brody’s legs to fit him into a cheap Puerto Rican casket.

[ROTFLMAO]

Goldust’s New Rack

If you say anything about second-generation wrestler Dustin Rhodes, you should say that he’s loyal. When he signed with WWE and was given the gimmick of the ambiguously gay face-painted Goldust, most wrestlers would have balked – especially if they were the son of “The American Dream,” Dusty Rhodes. But Dustin went balls-out with the character, making Goldust one of the most memorable and effective heels of the Attitude Era.

This one goes into the seemingly endless pile of “McMahon bad ideas,” but it’s such an amazing one that we felt it deserved merit. To jazz up the Goldust character, Vince brought up the idea of Dustin going under the knife and receiving silicone breast implants to further blur the gender line. Dustin offered no protest, but it took the strong objections of a team of doctors before the WWE backed off on the idea.