Starting it

[Toniann]

Hello ladies let me ask you something. For quite some time my husband and I occasionally argue out how I never initiate sex. He says he always has to start it and for the most part he is correct. I don't know why I don't, I usually wait for him and if he doesn't start it I just do it myself.
Ladies do you initiate sex on a regular basis?

[LisaRD23]

I usually am the one who initiates sex with my husband. But, there are times when I'm just not interested.

The reasons for not initating sex can be different for every person. So ask yourself, is it an emotional thing? Physcial or psychological? If you are not feeling "right" in your relationship, it will effect your sex life. If you are not confident with your body, that can also make the idea of sex hard. Are you physcially attracted to your husband? Maybe there's and interest that has been lost? I'm sure a little creativity can fix that!

Lastly, depending on how you raised and what you were taught about sex can also have an effect on how you approach sex. A more old fashion mind set will teach you that sex is not something you do for pleasure. It's a necessaity for pro-creation, or a "duty" to your spouce.

[Youngguns]

Maybe you two should stop until you're so horny you pounce on him?

-Dr.YG

[GeminiJedi]

Has your relationship changed lately? You need to figure out what changed, why, and how to fix it. It's a process, and it will take time, but it's worth it!

Are your natural cycles off (are you horny at different times of day)? That can be an issue, too. Male test levels are highest in the morning. Morning sex for someone who isn't a morning person can be a chore, but then it's up to that person to remember how good it feels and go with it. Mornings CAN be good! :)

One good way to get you both in the mood, for perhaps after work, would be to initiate some sort of foreplay (like dirty texts). If he'll play along this can be quite fun! (Just don't get yourselves in trouble at work) Also, watching porn together can be a great turn-on and might lead to something new and fun.

One more thing. Men like to be told what to do. That's one of the "complaints" I get most is that I don't initiate enough or give directions. Let your inner dominatrix out! Is there something that you'd REALLY like to try, but are too shy to ask? I bet he'd do it for you ;) Even if you don't like being the one in control, it can be fun and you might discover something about yourself in the process. Good luck! :)

[Toniann]

I can't quite figure it out, I am easily aroused, can orgasm from a passionate make out session, as far as our relationship goes the only thing that changed that I can see is the money that was coming in, but I have never been the one to initiate it when money was good. I pretty much just followed his lead as to when he wanted to do it and if he didn't I would do it myself.

[GeminiJedi]

I can't quite figure it out, I am easily aroused, can orgasm from a passionate make out session, as far as our relationship goes the only thing that changed that I can see is the money that was coming in, but I have never been the one to initiate it when money was good. I pretty much just followed his lead as to when he wanted to do it and if he didn't I would do it myself.

Money issues are a HUGE factor in most divorces, so it may be a bigger matter than you think.

Try something new tonight. When he gets home, greet him warmly (does he have a favorite outfit for you?) and see where it goes. The good thing about problems in this area is that it takes a lot of experimentation to figure them out, and when isn't that fun?

[shankuan]

Hello ladies let me ask you something. For quite some time my husband and I occasionally argue out how I never initiate sex. He says he always has to start it and for the most part he is correct. I don't know why I don't, I usually wait for him and if he doesn't start it I just do it myself.
Ladies do you initiate sex on a regular basis?


Sometimes it may send the signal that you don't desire him enough to want initiate...especially now that the money isn't so good. Play little sexy games, like text messages or even whispering sexy things of wha'ts to come later in his ear just before leaving for work (i guarantee he'll look fwd to getting home) or even surprising him with mood music, sexy lingerie or your birthday suit. What man won't appreciate that! Doing such things are in and of themselves 'initiating' sex via foreplay.

Do to him all those things you know he likes and then some. Make sex and foreplay about him for starters and if he's as take charge as you say he'll jump right in (without complaint). As others have said it's all about trial and error but if you want to spice up the sex life...changing it up is always a good way to get out of a rut.

Make yourself irresistible girl!!

[Toniann]

Sometimes it may send the signal that you don't desire him enough to want initiate...especially now that the money isn't so good. Play little sexy games, like text messages or even whispering sexy things of wha'ts to come later in his ear just before leaving for work (i guarantee he'll look fwd to getting home) or even surprising him with mood music, sexy lingerie or your birthday suit. What man won't appreciate that! Doing such things are in and of themselves 'initiating' sex via foreplay.

Do to him all those things you know he likes and then some. Make sex and foreplay about him for starters and if he's as take charge as you say he'll jump right in (without complaint). As others have said it's all about trial and error but if you want to spice up the sex life...changing it up is always a good way to get out of a rut.

Make yourself irresistible girl!!


You said it, he believes that I am not that into him cause I don't initiate it. He knows I like it cause I have never refused him.

[shankuan]

You said it, he believes that I am not that into him cause I don't initiate it. He knows I like it cause I have never refused him.

As women we sometimes have to do a li'l 'stroking' of our mens' ego (i recently learned this btw..lol!) or gentle persuasion, however you want to call it.:yep:

If you are shy about being the instigator, appeal to his desires since we know most men are physical creatures, and girl he'll be all over you like white on rice! If shyness ain't an issue then it'll add a new dimension to your love/sex life and may even bring you guys closer together. Sex can be more than the actual act, especially when you have a solid relationship...so utilize the the teasing, corny/funny sexy jokes...you may surprise yourself and learn something in one go. :shake:

[exit2010]

for christ sake - say what you want aloud and mean what you say. it is not rocket science. being subtle just makes the day harder than necessary. fishing and ego stroking aside. just verbalize your needs and tada!! sex is served up hot and ready.

[Toniann]

Ok..Now I just want to know how many women will initiate sex,Or will your other half start it most of the time.

[cat]

Ok..Now I just want to know how many women will initiate sex,Or will your other half start it most of the time.

I wait. It was how i was raised and now it's "hard-wired". Unfortunate, but true.:dunno:

[GeminiJedi]

Ok..Now I just want to know how many women will initiate sex,Or will your other half start it most of the time.

Depends on how badly I want it, and how willing to put up with my hubby's "hard to get" games. Seriously, sometimes it's just a mood killer. We're both "Just give it to me now" people, but a good warm up makes for an AMAZING climax. Mostly I like to have him initiate--guess I'm old-fashioned in that sense.

[shankuan]

I'm a horn dog so as long as i'm up for some action (which is almost always) i'll start it but sometimes i'm forced to wait (not that i like it) because he's not up for it or busy or not in the mood...that's a real mood killer!

[tammyp]

depends. this morning i attacked him cuz i had a very sexual dream last night. we dont do it as often as we want to just because we are usually just busy and tired. its too bad, but it seems to be the last priority a lot of the time.

[Toniann]

depends. this morning i attacked him cuz i had a very sexual dream last night. we dont do it as often as we want to just because we are usually just busy and tired. its too bad, but it seems to be the last priority a lot of the time.


Can you say you initiate it more?

[herekittykitty]

He initiates almost always... morning and night!:bigkiss::yep:

[tammyp]

Can you say you initiate it more?

i suppose..but he never says no.

[barbellbarbie]

Ok..Now I just want to know how many women will initiate sex,Or will your other half start it most of the time.
i find that waking them up with a blowjob works consistently lol

depend on who obviously but the guy i see the most now yes i initiate.. its a very long story though and probably not for the faint of heart so ill digress lol

[GirlyMuscle]

I'd say it's 50/50.

[tight booty]

I'd say it's 50/50.
I'm the same!

[fitbody]

bottom line is a to have a lasting healthy good relationship i
communication is key
sounds like he's communicating to you that he wants you to initiate
relationship to me is about give & take

it's not about whether the rest of us initiate or not
its about you & your man & making each other happy

ironically i talked about this sorta thing the other day on my thread
go to post # 1331
here's the link: http://forums.rxmuscle.com/showthread.php?t=21297&page=45
food for thought

sexual compatibility can be an issue too, some of us have a higher sex drive that others