Round 2 as a Bodybuilder...My Roller Coaster Ride to Eastern USA's and Nationals

[Melissa]

Ok, so normally I tend to prep in a bubble. I usually keep to myself and just do my own thing and cruise along...creating my own determination and motivation has never been a problem for me. But as I continue on in this sport, there's no doubt that having the support of other competitors fuels the fire.

And that leads me here. I decided that this year, I'm going to do some things different, and I figured why not share that on here with anyone who has some spare time and has even a remote interest to follow along. I've always found it interesting to hear/read other competitors thoughts, feelings, or whatever as they go through prep....makes you feel like you're not the only crazy one. And a crazy one I am, for sure.

So a little background on my craziness....I'm a figure girl turned bodybuilder and have absolutely found my niche in bodybuilding. For the most part, I have loved the transition, though I continue to struggle with the offseason look of a bodybuilder (but that's another story for another time). I competed in my first bodybuilding show last year and while I was barely given a second look by the judges, I accomplished my personal goals and was ultimately very happy with my first showing as a bodybuilder. My biggest problem right now is trying to fill out my frame, which was my focus this offseason. At 5'3 (5'4 on a good day;)), I was too tall to be a lightweight, having weighed in at 114.6 last year. The goal this year is 120 on stage, and I'm fairly confident that I've put on 5 lbs of muscle over the past 7 months.

And so it's begun. I'm just over 15 weeks out from Easterns and just over 16 weeks out from Nationals. I decided to start my prep at 18 weeks out from Easterns because I wanted to try to give myself a little extra time to lose the weight. I'm doing some experimenting with things this year with regards to cardio and diet, so I want to have some time to play around a bit. Right now I'm doing a lot of cardio for it being so early on in the diet, but my calories are higher in an effort to keep my training balls to the wall (that's a scientific term, you know). So far, it seems to be working really well in all aspects. The weight is coming off, and my training has continued to be great. I started at 149 and am now down to 142 after two weeks. It feels so good to start getting rid of some of the fat....talk to me in about 10 weeks, and I probably won't be so cheery. But for now, it's game on and I'm ready to roll:yep:

[2hot4u]

awesome!! I met you at the arnold and will love to watch your progess!!! Do you do your own diet?

[stephaniewicked]

I always use the term 'balls to the wall'. It's like, you know, hardcore and stuff! :p

I've enjoyed following your blog since last year, so you know I'll be here for the ride...

[tammyp]

im in mel!

[Melissa]

Yay, glad you girls are here!


awesome!! I met you at the arnold and will love to watch your progess!!! Do you do your own diet?

Hey Lisa...how have you been? If I remember correctly, at the Arnold you mentioned you were just getting back in the gym after surgery or a major injury. I hope you're training's finally back on track. What are your contest plans for this year?

I don't do my own diet. I don't trust myself enough. The last two years, Dave did my contest prep, and Sean Andros did my offseasons. Finally this year, I decided to let Sean do my prep as well, since we established a solid base while working together through two offseasons.


I always use the term 'balls to the wall'. It's like, you know, hardcore and stuff! :p

I've enjoyed following your blog since last year, so you know I'll be here for the ride...

Thanks Steph! You know me and my "hardcore-ness" lol.

[shankuan]

I'm subscribed!

[Melissa]

WANTED: Clavicle extensions or implants

Seriously though, I've always wondered if it's possible to get collar bone extensions. I have such a narrow frame up top, so I don't have a very good V-taper. Fortunately for me, my shoulders are a strong body part and I have a relatively tiny waist, so that helps to create that illusion. But it has made it incredibly difficult for me to build a wider back. I've definitely managed to improve my back width this year, but it seems that I'm always going to be a little limited with displaying much width because of my narrow structure. Unfortunately, I'm reminded of this every time I practice my posing (as I was doing tonight after my back workout).

I did have a great back workout tonight, even though I was practically falling asleep on my way up to the gym. Somehow I managed to wake myself up and got into a groove early on and hammered out some good sets. Fortunately for me, my training partner knows when I need to just shut up and train and when I'm open for conversation. Today was a shut up and train day after having long, frustrating day at work.

One thing about my job (for those of you that don't know, I'm a Probation Officer) is that it can be mentally exhausting. It's not that I work rediculously long hours, though I do sometimes, but the population I work with really keeps me on my toes. I have a caseload specifically of people who are alcoholics and addicts, and by the nature of addiction, they are incredibly manipulative....that means I have to be on the ball and very aware of when I'm being lied to, which is pretty much all the time. And it's not just my probationers that are frustrating. "The System" isn't perfect and can make doing my job very difficult sometimes when I don't have the support of certain other entities of the criminal justice system.

Anyway, tomorrow is hams and calves and then it's carido only on Friday. That's my own little way of tricking myself into feeling like the weeks are shorter because tomorrow is really my Friday as far as training goes:D Now if only I can trick my boss into thinking that Thursday is really Friday...

[Melissa]

So, I weighed in this morning and only lost .6 lbs which was a little disappointing....until I took my progress pictures. I am much tighter than I was last week, and it's clear that there was good progress this past week, so I'm not too upset. We'll see what changes, if any, Sean has planned for me. Tonight is my cheat meal, for which I have a special "cheat meal crew" that I go out to eat with lol. Since I've had a non-stop craving for a burger and fries, we're headed to Five Guys, as I hear they have killer burgers. I'm trying something a little different this year with my cheat meals, too. The past two years, I have always had clean cheat meals (oatmeal, protein pudding, cashews, etc), but I found that I overate that way because I wasn't actually eating a meal, so to speak. It was more like grazing. I had my first cheat meal last week and found that having an actual meal kept me from overeating, and I didn't feel like complete poop afterwards. I'm actually hoping that not eating clean will be more productive, since the intent of the cheat meal is to shock the body anyway. So, we'll see how that goes.

Workouts continue to be going very well. I had a great arm workout yesterday at Bev Francis's gym on Long Island and followed up with a sick leg workout this morning. I swear, there's nothing like the feeling you get after a great leg workout, especially when you're dieting. It's like this great feeling of accomplishment...well, at least for me it is. Plus, it makes me even hungrier for my cheat meal later in the day!

Now, speaking of being on the Island that is Long yesterday....yes, I somehow wound up at the Bros vs. Pros challenge, and then found myself belted up, straps in hand, standing above 185 lbs. I had absolutely no intention of even going to the event. I had my biweekly PT appointment with Mike Camp and was planning to do my usual stuff when I go down there (which is to see him, train, and then do some shopping at Trader Joes, since there isn't one by me). Well, Kat and Jillian were there shooting their IA training video and convinced me to join them at the dead lift challenge....and let me tell you, I was really dead set on not going because I didn't have all my food with me for the day, and I was planning on coming home early last night and just relaxing. When I finally got there, the women had just started, so I settled in with the girls and started to watch.

Then the peer pressure started. Now, I used to love (and I mean LOOOOOOVE) dead lifting, but even when I was dead lifting, I wasn't exactly what you would call strong, I just loved to do them. For anyone that hasn't been following my blog, I have a tear in my left hamstring as well as problems with my sciatic nerve that are a result of trying to train around the tear. After years of not dealing with the problem, it finally got to a point where I couldn't do certain things, like dead lift. I have now been getting treatments on the injury for a few months. Anyway, I finally caved under the pressure, and well, it's on video lol. The girls that all went before me were just crazy strong and obviously had great endurance to knock out 30, 40, and 50 reps. So, huge props to them. The day was fun, and I'm glad I went and got to see everybody there. Plus, we had great seats, especially for when the guys went. Let's just say there were a few powerlifters/strongmen that were nice to watch from where we were sitting;)

Alright, enough of my epic novel (I know, I'm a rambler lol). It's off for round two of cardio!

[tammyp]

good job mel! are you sore today?

i hear you with that effing scale. i am 10 lbs down from when you saw me but its a dramatic change in my LOOK. i am trying to not freak about the scale anymore...but old habits die hard. just keep at it~

[PJ BRAUN]

With 5lbs more muscle I think you will look great. I thought you looked awesome last year... You have a very pretty shape.

[stephaniewicked]

Workouts continue to be going very well. I had a great arm workout yesterday at Bev Francis's gym on Long Island and followed up with a sick leg workout this morning. I swear, there's nothing like the feeling you get after a great leg workout, especially when you're dieting. It's like this great feeling of accomplishment...well, at least for me it is. Plus, it makes me even hungrier for my cheat meal later in the day!

I couldn't agree more! I was tearing legs up in the off-season so bad that even though I was trying to work them 2x/week, sometimes it would be 5 days between sessions because I would be limping around for the first 2-3 days. Once the diet started, all that seemed to stop... every so often though, I have a kick ass leg day and it makes me feel like I'm on top of the world!

I've never been to Five Guys and they're popping up all over the place around here! I definitely want to hit that up when my diet allows me to do so. Enjoy!!

[Suzanne]

I want clavicle extensions too! I thought I would NEVER have a wide back but it is the part that has improved the most and might be my best part now So just keep working it hard even with narrow structure can get wide back

At least you have small waist i have HUGE waist :mad::mad::mad::mad:

[musclemilf]

I have a wide clavicle, small waist w/wide hip bones :mad: fckinghourglass. A wide clavicle isn't all that it's cracked up to be, for me at least - my little muscles get lost around the wide parts of my bone structure. My lats are very slow to grow too. Gotta love genetics.

Melissa - It's so cool you got to compete with Tazzie yesterday :p

[Melissa]

good job mel! are you sore today?

i hear you with that effing scale. i am 10 lbs down from when you saw me but its a dramatic change in my LOOK. i am trying to not freak about the scale anymore...but old habits die hard. just keep at it~

My back's not sore from the dl's, but my left ham/glute that Mike worked on is sore as hell! I'm icing it as we speak.

Yeah, it seems like no matter how much you say you know you shouldn't freak about the scale, it happens anyway. I'm a little more relaxed about it this year because I refuse to be a lw again lol. I'm pretty confident that I'll fall easily into the mw class and be in good condition, albeit on the low end of the weight class.


With 5lbs more muscle I think you will look great. I thought you looked awesome last year... You have a very pretty shape.

Thanks, PJ:hugme: That means a lot coming from you.


I couldn't agree more! I was tearing legs up in the off-season so bad that even though I was trying to work them 2x/week, sometimes it would be 5 days between sessions because I would be limping around for the first 2-3 days. Once the diet started, all that seemed to stop... every so often though, I have a kick ass leg day and it makes me feel like I'm on top of the world!

I've never been to Five Guys and they're popping up all over the place around here! I definitely want to hit that up when my diet allows me to do so. Enjoy!!

Steph, Five Guys totally gets my approval! It's a little on the greasy side, but definitely worth trying. Oh, and they have cajun spiced fries....mmmmm!


I want clavicle extensions too! I thought I would NEVER have a wide back but it is the part that has improved the most and might be my best part now So just keep working it hard even with narrow structure can get wide back

At least you have small waist i have HUGE waist :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Ha! Suzanne, you're the last person I would say has narrow clavicles! Have you looked at your avatar lately? lol Even in those old pics you posted in your journal from when you were doing figure, you can see that you have a decently wide structure up top. But yeah, I feel you on struggling to build back width. I know that, for me at least, it's mostly been trying to find the mind/muscle connection when doing pull downs and chins.

And yeah, having a smaller waist does have it's advantages. But you do an awesome job of creating an illusion of a tiny waist on stage, and that illusion is all that matters to the judges.


I have a wide clavicle, small waist w/wide hip bones :mad: fckinghourglass. A wide clavicle isn't all that it's cracked up to be, for me at least - my little muscles get lost around the wide parts of my bone structure. My lats are very slow to grow too. Gotta love genetics.

Melissa - It's so cool you got to compete with Tazzie yesterday :p

I actually had no idea who she was until the contest, and when I saw her in person, I have to admit, I was a little scared. And then when I heard her tell Dave that she's weighing in around 190 a few weeks out from her show, I was like, ummm, she probably takes poops bigger than me:hypno:

[Suzanne]

Ha! Suzanne, you're the last person I would say has narrow clavicles! Have you looked at your avatar lately? lol Even in those old pics you posted in your journal from when you were doing figure, you can see that you have a decently wide structure up top. But yeah, I feel you on struggling to build back width. I know that, for me at least, it's mostly been trying to find the mind/muscle connection when doing pull downs and chins.

And yeah, having a smaller waist does have it's advantages. But you do an awesome job of creating an illusion of a tiny waist on stage, and that illusion is all that matters to the judges.


check out post #350 http://forums.rxmuscle.com/showthread.php?t=25415&page=12
Structure doesn't get much worse than mine!!! :-( NO taper at all

If not feeling it in back (i did for long time) maybe you need to lighten weight, stop gripping (don't wrap thumb around) use hands as just hooks, think of pulling elbows downs try not to use any bicep - these were some of the things i changed, using something like noXplode helps to feel the pump in back

[Melissa]

check out post #350 http://forums.rxmuscle.com/showthread.php?t=25415&page=12
Structure doesn't get much worse than mine!!! :-( NO taper at all

If not feeling it in back (i did for long time) maybe you need to lighten weight, stop gripping (don't wrap thumb around) use hands as just hooks, think of pulling elbows downs try not to use any bicep - these were some of the things i changed, using something like noXplode helps to feel the pump in back

Wow, you really did create great shape out of a lack of structure. That's really impressive!

With my back training, I already do use the hands as hooks concept, but I like the idea of thinking about pulling your elbows down. I'm gonna keep that in mind for Wednesday's back workout. Thanks!

[Melissa]

Well, peeps, strap yourselves in because here's your first big drop of the roller coaster. Things have been pretty smooth sailing for the past few weeks, and my workouts have been going great. Tonight, not so much. I felt off and seemed to be having some digestive problems today. I always look forward to training back because the workouts are an extra challenge for me since my back is one of my weaker body parts on stage, and, well, because I likes me a good challenge.

Unfortunately, tonight was just awful. I was really excited for tonight's workout because I had an awesome delt/chest workout on Monday night, and felt like that would easily carry over into this workout. Just kidding. I couldn't seem to connect with anything on any of the exercises. Lately, I've been putting dead lifts at the end of my workouts with the intention of giving my left hamstring/glute some rest from the heavy weights and low reps that I've loved to do so much in the past. We would typically do 3 or 4 sets of relatively lighter weight for 10 reps or so, just to keep my body familiar with the movement. Usually I would do 185 for this, but tonight, I was in pain trying to pull 155 off the floor...wtf? I get so frustrated because I've been trying to do the right thing to heal this injury, yet it feels like nothing works. It kinda makes me feel like saying, fuck it, I should just keep trying to pull as heavy as I can since it's going to hurt no matter what I do. I know, real smart. But I'm also concerned that taking them out of my workouts altogether is going to have a negative impact on my back development. Of course, I guess it can't really get much more pathetic than it is now, so maybe it's just as well lol.

Work was also just plain shitty today, and pretty much yesterday and the day before too. My boss is on vacation, and the person who's supposed to be taking over for her while she's out, is just making my life miserable. He's never in the office, so I wind up having to cover the office and see his people and anyone else's who's not in the office, because, well, why not? Melissa's always at work. She'll take care of it. He also rips my Violations of Probation apart before he even asks me about the details of the case and why I'm filing the Violation in the first place. Then there's the fact that I got people who can't not drink or get high for five freaking minutes....ugh.

I'm hoping to just go to bed early tonight and move on tomorrow. I have a horrible habit of dwelling on the negative stuff and creating my own downward spiral, which inevitably winds up in my progress coming to a griding halt. Work is just work, and the bs always ebbs and flows, so this'll pass. And, despite tonight's workout, I know I am definitely making progress. I'm tightening up pretty quickly (well, for me at least), and I don't want to let my rediculousness put the breaks on that.

[musclemilf]

Well, peeps, strap yourselves in because here's your first big drop of the roller coaster. Things have been pretty smooth sailing for the past few weeks, and my workouts have been going great. Tonight, not so much. I felt off and seemed to be having some digestive problems today. I always look forward to training back because the workouts are an extra challenge for me since my back is one of my weaker body parts on stage, and, well, because I likes me a good challenge.

Unfortunately, tonight was just awful. I was really excited for tonight's workout because I had an awesome delt/chest workout on Monday night, and felt like that would easily carry over into this workout. Just kidding. I couldn't seem to connect with anything on any of the exercises. Lately, I've been putting dead lifts at the end of my workouts with the intention of giving my left hamstring/glute some rest from the heavy weights and low reps that I've loved to do so much in the past. We would typically do 3 or 4 sets of relatively lighter weight for 10 reps or so, just to keep my body familiar with the movement. Usually I would do 185 for this, but tonight, I was in pain trying to pull 155 off the floor...wtf? I get so frustrated because I've been trying to do the right thing to heal this injury, yet it feels like nothing works. It kinda makes me feel like saying, fuck it, I should just keep trying to pull as heavy as I can since it's going to hurt no matter what I do. I know, real smart. But I'm also concerned that taking them out of my workouts altogether is going to have a negative impact on my back development. Of course, I guess it can't really get much more pathetic than it is now, so maybe it's just as well lol.

Work was also just plain shitty today, and pretty much yesterday and the day before too. My boss is on vacation, and the person who's supposed to be taking over for her while she's out, is just making my life miserable. He's never in the office, so I wind up having to cover the office and see his people and anyone else's who's not in the office, because, well, why not? Melissa's always at work. She'll take care of it. He also rips my Violations of Probation apart before he even asks me about the details of the case and why I'm filing the Violation in the first place. Then there's the fact that I got people who can't not drink or get high for five freaking minutes....ugh.

I'm hoping to just go to bed early tonight and move on tomorrow. I have a horrible habit of dwelling on the negative stuff and creating my own downward spiral, which inevitably winds up in my progress coming to a griding halt. Work is just work, and the bs always ebbs and flows, so this'll pass. And, despite tonight's workout, I know I am definitely making progress. I'm tightening up pretty quickly (well, for me at least), and I don't want to let my rediculousness put the breaks on that.

Maybe the bro versus pro had an impact with your workout? Being creatures of habit as we are, any decrease in strength and endurance can be unsettling to say the least. Maybe allow yourself to recover by not DL'ing for a week (I know easier said than done) and you might find your strength levels making a startling comeback.

[Melissa]

Ok, it's back on track after a rough Wednesday, and I'm feeling much better mentally. I had a great hamstring workout last night, too. I iced my ham/lower back on Wednesday night and again last night. Plus, I pulled back a little on my weights last night in hopes that it would help ease some of the pain I've been having, and it seems to be feeling a little better today. Fingers crossed that I'm in good shape for quads on Sunday morning.

No big plans for the holiday weekend, so I'm just looking forward to trying to catch up on sleep. I feel like I hit a brick wall this week though because I'm SO sleepy. My body doesn't feel fatigued or like it's not recovering properly...I literally feel like I'm sleepwalking lol. I'm just praying that work goes by quickly today, so that I can hurry up and start resting this weekend:)

[stephaniewicked]

I'm on the same track as you, girl... waiting for the weekend to hurry up and get here so I can do nothing but train and relax, lol.

Hope the ham feels better and that you get to catch up on sleep the next couple days. I napped twice this week and it was the best thing I did for myself... sometimes you need to listen to your body and take a rest. Are you off on Monday too?

[Melissa]

Well, it certainly has been a relaxing weekend, and I've loved every second of it! It also helps that I made great progress this past week. I'm down 2.4 lbs and still feeling really good. My waist is coming in, and I can see my abs again. This isn't usually a major problem area for me, so it's not something I was overly concerned about. Now my ass and legs? That's another story, as I'm sure every female competitor can relate to. But even with them, I'm not too worried. I've been competing long enough to know that they are always the last to come in for me.

Had some more great workouts this weekend. I trained arms by myself on Saturday because my training partner was in Philly racing. I don't mind these solo workouts because I like to be able to just crank up my IPOD and tune out everything. Actually, my training partner makes fun of me because I listen to my IPOD so loud that anyone within 10 feet of me can hear it. But my rationalization is this: I need to drown out, not only the douchebag trainers at my gym, but also my own thoughts lol. If I think too much, it's not a good thing.....so if my music is cranked, I can't even hear myself think:p

We hit quads yesterday morning, and I was reminded what a RA-tard I am sometimes. Right from the beginning, something didn't feel right about the workout, but I couldn't put my finger on it. After having a miserable two sets of squats, I decided we should move on to hacks and maybe have better luck there. Just kidding. First heavy set came crashing right down. As I started to have one of my temper trantrums about how weak I am and how much I hate this sport:fit: (I know, the mental picture is pretty amusing), my training partner asks me why I wasn't wearing my knee wraps....duh. Guess I never realized how much they helped me, and with that in mind, I was a little more accepting of the shitty nature of the rest of the workout lol. But I can't complain too much because my quads are sore today, so I still got the job done.

I got down with my cheat meal last night and decided to train back this morning in hopes that the extra calories and carbs from the cheat meal would make for a good workout....mission accomplished! No dead lifting though. But I felt strong and had a ton of energy. Today, I plan on just soaking up the AC, watching some smutty reality tv, and then heading back to the gym for cardio tonight. Hope everyone enjoyed their 4th of July!

[Suzanne]

Working through an injury sucks! i have had bad forearm pain since dec some days i can't ever curl the 10s :mad:

But remember we are BODYBUILDERS not power lifters. you do not have to go crazy heavy to build muscle. Intensity is far more important than amount of weight you move.

[Melissa]

Working through an injury sucks! i have had bad forearm pain since dec some days i can't ever curl the 10s :mad:

But remember we are BODYBUILDERS not power lifters. you do not have to go crazy heavy to build muscle. Intensity is far more important than amount of weight you move.

Yeah, it's frustrating, that's for sure. It can definitely eff with your head too.

And you're so right, I forget that it's not always about the amount of weight moved. My problem is that I really enjoy powerlifter-type training. Maybe I was a powerlifter in another life:dunno: I know you mention that you do a lot of supersets and giant sets for your workouts, and there's obviously a lot of merit in that considering what your physique looks like.

[Suzanne]

Yeah, it's frustrating, that's for sure. It can definitely eff with your head too.

And you're so right, I forget that it's not always about the amount of weight moved. My problem is that I really enjoy powerlifter-type training. Maybe I was a powerlifter in another life:dunno: I know you mention that you do a lot of supersets and giant sets for your workouts, and there's obviously a lot of merit in that considering what your physique looks like.

thank you! I like to change it up some WOs will have more supersets, some straight sets, some hybrid of both but i always try to keep the volume and intensity high no matter what type of WO. Only thing i really try to do heavier even if less reps is rack pulls and that is more for the challenge than the benefit i think i get for growth like i only got 315 for 3 this week and was thrilled finally got 31 again but don't think 3 reps really helps growth IMO for some people they might grow better with lower reps

[Z33ACV2]

Hey Melissa,

I know what you are going through. I also have knee problems. I stopped squating eventhough I used the smith machine to do them. My training partner gave me a pair of knee sleeves. http://www.jackalsgym.com/store.aspx?prod_id=RH-KS I wear them when we do legs.

[Melissa]

Hey Melissa,

I know what you are going through. I also have knee problems. I stopped squating eventhough I used the smith machine to do them. My training partner gave me a pair of knee sleeves. http://www.jackalsgym.com/store.aspx?prod_id=RH-KS I wear them when we do legs.

Thanks girl! I don't actually have knee problems, though. Having the wraps is more like a preventative measure than anything else. And having used them for a while now and then forgetting them on Sunday proved just how useful they've been.

[Z33ACV2]

Thanks girl! I don't actually have knee problems, though. Having the wraps is more like a preventative measure than anything else. And having used them for a while now and then forgetting them on Sunday proved just how useful they've been.

Oh okay... That's good to hear.

They are very useful. I would never have been able to press the weight and the intensity that i do now, if I didn't had my knee sleeves.

[MsGuns]

Hey Melissa,
Just found this...stay focused gurl...I luv you physique.

Lazy Z I might have to get some of those knee wraps, I didnt workout last week bc my left knee was hurting so bad.

Off to train legs w/ Tina Chandler...

[Melissa]

Hey Melissa,
Just found this...stay focused gurl...I luv you physique.

Lazy Z I might have to get some of those knee wraps, I didnt workout last week bc my left knee was hurting so bad.

Off to train legs w/ Tina Chandler...

Thanks Ms. Guns!! Glad you'll be along for the ride:)

[Melissa]

I'm pretty sure that some little fairy snuck into my apartment last night and swapped out my first meal of eggs for some crabby patties this morning because I was irritable as hell today. It started with the two fat ladies that decided to hop on the treadmills next to me at 5am and jabber away about nothing for the entire time I was doing my cardio (there were plenty of other free treadmills that were no where near mine). So, I did what any normal, non-caring individual would do....I picked the most obnoxious and offensive playlist that I could find on my IPOD and blasted it into my headphones, knowing full well that they would be able to hear it. Unfortunately, I don't think it phased them. Oh well:dunno:

This was followed up with the Morning Douchebag who thinks he's a hottie patotti and talks to everything in that gym that's remotely young and has boobs. I have managed to avoid conversations with him for the most part, but I wasn't so lucky today. He was apparently curious as to how I "get my lower abs to come in." I suggested that he give up his pizza and beer. To which he replied, "But I like my pizza and beer. And I only drink on the weekends." I then suggested he decide which one he likes better, the beer or his lower abs, and walked away.

The rest of the day was just a bunch of minor inconveniences that felt like nails on a chalkboard to me. I managed to make it through without hurting someone or insulting anyone too badly. By the time training rolled around, I was definitely ready to go. We hit delts and chest tonight, which is like my ego-boost workout. My shoulders are easily my best body part, and they are freakishly strong, so I've never had a problem hitting them well. I'm able to get a great mind-muscle connection and just crank away on them. Same thing with chest, too, though not as much as shoulders. I'm almost always able to connect with the weights and get a good pump.

On another note, I have already had my first precontest freak out dream. I NEVER used to have these when I was doing figure, and last year was the first year they started happening. I had this dream a couple nights ago, so I don't remember too much of it now. But I remember being at weigh-ins at Easterns and seeing that I weighed the exact same as I did last year and didn't look any different or improved. Hmmm, think I'm a little concerned about whether or not I made progress this year? I'm such a headcase:hypno:

Anyway, this weekend is Team U/NY Pro Figure, and I have a lot of friends that are competing in the show. I think I'm as excited for all of them as I would be if I was competing myself...probably more so because I don't have the nerves that I get when I compete. I'll be there Friday night and all day Saturday working at the Species booth, so if you're there (and you happen to be reading this), come by and say hi!

[fitmomma3]

Melissa! I Love reading your journal... I know I shouldn't enjoy your bad days but that spark you have that gets you through them gives you that little edge! You know I'm an optimist, but everyone has bad days... I just enjoy your little quips about your temper tantrum or pizza and beer douche lol. One things for sure I can tell in the way you write somethings always spinning in the noggin ;) and I happen to really enjoy and relate to that.

So how many weeks out? How many down so far? How many till goal weight? And whats your cardio looking like right now... just trying to catch up :)

[stephaniewicked]

^What Steph said. I've been following Melissa for a little over a year now and I love reading her entries!! Good or bad, it's always honest and entertaining.

I don't get it when people HAVE to pick the machines next to you when there's empty ones everywhere. It's like going to the movies and someone sitting a seat or two away from you when the theater is empty. It's like.. really?? :hypno:

Hope tomorrow is a better one... it's one day closer to Friday, so that's already a good start!

[Melissa]

Yay Steph and Steph!!! Thanks girls!!! I'm pretty "edgy" on a regular basis, but it's definitely a trait that is amplified when I'm dieting. If only I had a play by play of what goes through my head while I watch people during my cardio.....it would be amusing, that's for sure (and probably a little offensive:dunno:).

A special update for Miss Steph V.....

I'm 13 weeks out as of this Saturday. I started at 18 weeks out instead of 16because I was a bit of a chunk a munk this year, and I was just sick of the offseason. I'm down just about 10 lbs from when I started. And I'm doing 75 minutes of cardio/day. I started with my cardio that high because we decided to keep my calories higher than usual with the intention of making sure my workouts were still really intense, and so far, it's worked out exactly as planned:)

[tammyp]

always nice when things go according to plan!

[Melissa]

always nice when things go according to plan!

It suuuuuure is:yep:

And I also know that YOUR plan has worked out extremely well!

[SallyAnne]

How did I miss this??! Hi, there. :) IN! :hugme:

[SallyAnne]

I'm pretty sure that some little fairy snuck into my apartment last night and swapped out my first meal of eggs for some crabby patties this morning because I was irritable as hell today. It started with the two fat ladies that decided to hop on the treadmills next to me at 5am and jabber away about nothing for the entire time I was doing my cardio (there were plenty of other free treadmills that were no where near mine). So, I did what any normal, non-caring individual would do....I picked the most obnoxious and offensive playlist that I could find on my IPOD and blasted it into my headphones, knowing full well that they would be able to hear it. Unfortunately, I don't think it phased them. Oh well:dunno:

This was followed up with the Morning Douchebag who thinks he's a hottie patotti and talks to everything in that gym that's remotely young and has boobs. I have managed to avoid conversations with him for the most part, but I wasn't so lucky today. He was apparently curious as to how I "get my lower abs to come in." I suggested that he give up his pizza and beer. To which he replied, "But I like my pizza and beer. And I only drink on the weekends." I then suggested he decide which one he likes better, the beer or his lower abs, and walked away.

The rest of the day was just a bunch of minor inconveniences that felt like nails on a chalkboard to me. I managed to make it through without hurting someone or insulting anyone too badly. By the time training rolled around, I was definitely ready to go. We hit delts and chest tonight, which is like my ego-boost workout. My shoulders are easily my best body part, and they are freakishly strong, so I've never had a problem hitting them well. I'm able to get a great mind-muscle connection and just crank away on them. Same thing with chest, too, though not as much as shoulders. I'm almost always able to connect with the weights and get a good pump.

On another note, I have already had my first precontest freak out dream. I NEVER used to have these when I was doing figure, and last year was the first year they started happening. I had this dream a couple nights ago, so I don't remember too much of it now. But I remember being at weigh-ins at Easterns and seeing that I weighed the exact same as I did last year and didn't look any different or improved. Hmmm, think I'm a little concerned about whether or not I made progress this year? I'm such a headcase:hypno:

Anyway, this weekend is Team U/NY Pro Figure, and I have a lot of friends that are competing in the show. I think I'm as excited for all of them as I would be if I was competing myself...probably more so because I don't have the nerves that I get when I compete. I'll be there Friday night and all day Saturday working at the Species booth, so if you're there (and you happen to be reading this), come by and say hi!

My first time competing, I had a dream that I stepped on stage and the realized I'd forgotten to shave...and had this thick coat of black hair all over my body. :D lol Funny now, but pretty horrible at the time.

[Melissa]

How did I miss this??! Hi, there. :) IN! :hugme:

Helloooo, Sally!!! I'm stealth like that;) Glad you're here. A girl can never have too much support:hmn:

[Melissa]

I am sitting in the venue at Team U right now sweating profusely....just wanted to share that with you all.

[tammyp]

that means your metabolism is working...or well, theres no air..lol..slap joel around for me will ya:)?

[tammyp]

you sweat off a few lbs yesterday?

[Melissa]

Checking in here from the treadmill because it's prob the only chance I'll get to this today. It was a long, sweaty weekend at Team U, but I survived. I made sure to stay pretty well hydrated though, so I don't think I did too much damage to myself there. The sleep situation has left much to be desired though. I am finally down into the 130's now, which was very nice to see. Plus it hels a lot that my progress pics showed some very good things.

Unfortunately, I feel like compete dogshit today, but it was worth it because it was a great weekend, despite it being so damn hot. I'm sooooo proud of all my friends this weekend, despite how some things turned out. My girls worked their asses off (literally), and they all looked nothing short of amazing. I can only hope to be able to bring an equally amazing package this year. Great job to everyone this weekend.

I'm going to work on doing as little as possible today. It's cheat meal night, and I'm thinking that's gonna be enjoyed while I'm plopped down on my couch watching reruns of The Hills (I love me some good Speidy drama!).

[GirlyMuscle]

In for the ride! Will we get to see any pics during this prep?

[Melissa]

In for the ride! Will we get to see any pics during this prep?

Yay, Erin...glad you're in on my craziness!

The liklihood of me posting progress pics is slim to none. I'm WAY too self conscious to do that (I know, it's probably rediculous). I know that the feedback that might come from them, both good and bad, will eff with my head. Instead, I'll just try to be more descriptive about my progress:p

[Melissa]

No changes to the diet or cardio this week, so that's always a plus. But I have a distinct feeling that there'll be some tinkering with things after this week.

Had an awesome back workout last night, and I'm definitely nice and sore today. We decided to change things up with my back workouts since I just can't do heavy deads anymore and also in an attempt to get me to "feel" my lats more during the workouts. I had to swallow my ego last night and use 135 for deads at the end. It was the only way I could do them properly without being in too much pain. But it went ok...plus, it helped that the entire workout before that went really well. Fortunately, this weekend, I'm headed down to LI to see Mike Camp again....but this time, no dead lift challenges after my treatment.

I wound up training by myself b/c Clarkey (my training partner) wasn't feeling so hot. And of all nights for him to miss, there was some great gym drama. The cycling room is right next to the weight area in my gym, and they always open the door because it gets so hot in there. They also blast the music so loud that you can't even hear your own IPOD (and for me to not be able to hear my IPOD, you know that shit's loud). Plus, between all the "Woooooo-ing" and grunting in there, it can definitely get a little annoying. Well, an older guy who was training there last night apparently had enough, and screamed at the instructor to turn the fucking music down and slammed the door. When she came out to talk to him, another member followed her out, and after arguing back and forth for a couple mintues, he finally told them to "go back to your fat room." Fortunately, I was across the gym when this happened, and nobody was near me to catch me giggling to myself.

Just for shits and giggles, I decided to do a comparison of prep pictures from last year to this year. Right now, at 13 weeks out, I'm 139, and last year, I was 139 at 15 weeks out, so I did a little side to side, and was pretty happy to see some noticable improvements. Despite the fact that I'm still not happy with my back width, there is absolutely an improvement there, and most definitely in my overall back thickness. My quads also are a bit leaner at this year's 139 versus last year. I'm sure they'll have much better detail this year, not so sure about more sweep though. Overall, I'm definitely leaner at this year's 139 than last year, so that in and of itself assures me that I had a productive offseason.

[Melissa]

Another pretty decent workout in the books from last night. We hit delts and chest, and while my strength was down quite a bit last night, I'm still really sore today. Yesterday, I was having more stomach/digestive problems, and I wasn't hungry all day (which means there's a problem for me because I'm ALWAYS hungry). These stomach issues are something I've been battling forever. I know it's due partly to my anxiety and stress level because I'm SOOOO wound up all the time, but during this past offseason, we seemed to have worked out the food-related causes. Ever since I started prep, I'm having problems again, though.

I have a feeling that it has to do with the white fish I've been eating. I'm not all that picky of an eater (in fact, some might say I'll eat pretty much anything you put in front of me), but I just do not like the taste of white fish, except tilapia. And go freaking figure, tilapia is like the Poor White Trash of white fish. I've tried every different kind of white fish that I can find around me from flounder, to cod, to mahi mahi, to ahi tuna and have cooked them several different ways. But the taste and smell just turn my stomach. I don't recall having stomach issues like this the past two years when I was working with Dave and eating tilapia out the wazoo. So, since I'm a little poor white trash myself, I'm gonna give the PWT fish a try again and see if it helps.

Only two more days of work left this week, and I swear the weekend can't come fast enough! I don't mind my job, and I don't mind contest prep, but I do mind that my job gets in the way of my contest prep by making me have to get up at 4:30am to get to the gym to do morning cardio.

[Gaoshang Xiongshou]

Tag along for the ride, please :)

[Melissa]

Tag along for the ride, please :)

Saaweeeet! Glad you're here:D

[Melissa]

Jackpot! I was right, it was the definitely the fish that was making me sick. I've been eating tilapia since Thursday, and my stomach has been fine. Glad I figured that out early on because I don't think I could have made it another 12 weeks feeling like that. Yeah, 12 weeks...holy crap. I can't believe it. It seems like this prep is gonna fly. Granted, I'll probably be singing a different tune in another four weeks lol.

So, today was a long ass day. I got to sleep in though....until 6am....neato. I headed down to LI to get PT done on my ham, and poor Mike, I make that man work hard for his money when I go down there. He's always so good to me because he knows I travel far to see him, so he works on me for almost an hour straight. He's the perfect example of someone who truly loves what they do and is very good at it. Plus, he's just an awesome person. Anyway, afterwards, I headed over to Bev's to hit arms and do cardio. My workout went pretty well, and I wound up doing all 75 minutes of my cardio there on the stepmill. I absolutely love the stepmill, but since the ghetto-ass Planet Fitness where I go to do my morning cardio got rid of all three of theirs, I've been relegated to the treadmill or the ellipital. So, I took full advantage of the vacant stepmill and just cruised through my cardio....it's amazing how much more enjoyable it is when you're on a machine you actually like.

After training, I was stuck sitting in the most godawful Long Island/NYC/Westchester County traffic. I mean, really, where the hell do all these people come from? And don't they have some place better to be than in their car? Where I live, traffic is caused by something...an accident, a broken down car, etc. Not down there. You can see miles of break lights and wonder what's causing all that traffic only to find out that it's just a lot of cars that all want to go to the same place. What. The. Fuck. Normally I can get home in just under two hours (I have a lead foot and a badge, don't hate). Today, it took me three hours, and I was ready to kill someone. Needless to say, I'm beat, and it'll be an early night for my lame ass. Besides, tomorrow is quads in the morning and cheat meal at night, so I need to rest up!

[Melissa]

I'm happy to say that the weight continues to drop...2 more pounds lost this week, down to 137:nbanana: And I just had a sick quad workout...love it! Sure makes that cheat meal taste all that much better.

[GirlyMuscle]

You drive two hours in traffic to and from work every day?

BTW.....most Planet Fitness' have a machine called an arc trainer. Try that. It's more like a cross between the elliptical and the stepmill. Set it the incline on 10 and it's like going up steep stairs.

[Melissa]

Oh hell no! lol My office is only 15 minutes from where I live. I drive the two hours to have PT done every two weeks or so.

Good call on the arc trainer, thanks. I'm gonna try it when I go back for cardio later today.

[Melissa]

Ok, now is when I start to kick in to overdrive and my anxiety and stress level goes through the roof. Whenever I diet, I feel like I never have enough time for everything. It's pretty typical for me to kick into overdrive for a few weeks and then come completely crashing down. I'd venture to guess that I'm heading into over drive now, so prepare for the crash in the near future:p

Things are still going really well with the diet and training. Progress is exactly where it should be, and my crankiness has surprisingly been very well under control. It's just that I seem to have so much going on lately that I don't know if I'm coming or going. The 4th of July weekend was the last weekend that I was home for an entire weekend, and it looks like that will be the case until sometime in mid-August. And the only reason I'll be around come that third weekend in August is because I have one of my best friend's bridal showers and then her bachelorette party. Then, my brother and his wife will be here visiting at the end of August (he is coming home soon after serving his second year-long tour over in Iraq). Normally, I like to try to use my weekends to catch up on sleep and just relax because my days are awfully long during the week....4:30am comes REAL quick. I guess the good thing about all this is that it certainly makes dieting go by fast, and my shows will be here before I know it. But a lot of times when I get overwhelmed, I shut down. Eventually I just say a big fuck you to everything, and go hibernate for a while lol. Well, not really, usually I have a tearful breakdown, throw a tantrum, and then move on. And this sport is something I love to do?:hypno:

[Kitty Kat]

Hey Sweets..
I'm tagging along as well.. I know you are workig this w.e.. I'll be home, if you want to come through?? I have AC now.. lol

[Melissa]

Hey Sweets..
I'm tagging along as well.. I know you are workig this w.e.. I'll be home, if you want to come through?? I have AC now.. lol

Yay!:hmn: You don't enough of my whining during early morning cardio texts? lol For your sake, I'm glad you finally got AC. I don't know how you survived without it.

[Melissa]

So, it's been a hell of a long week, and I guess, really it's not over. Tomrrow, I'll be heading down to White Plains to work the Species booth at Empire States. I literally just got home about an hour ago, packed up my stuff for tomorrow, and ate my last meal for the day (so sad). And I'm just beat. I finally feel like I'm on a contest diet. I'm starting to feel tired and sluggish regularly, and the general cranky fatigue is settling in. I also noticed that my strength has plateaued this week. For the first time in my life, I managed to make increases in strength during the early weeks of the diet (however small they may have been). Now, it seems that I just need to hold on to as much strength/muscle as possible over the next 11 weeks.

I'm reaching a point in the diet where my upper body is progressing much faster than my lower half making me realize just how much it sucks to be a woman. And practicing my posing only makes it that much more obvious to me....which, of course, leads me to stress about whether or not I'll get my butt/legs to come in in time or even at all. Anyway, I have my fingers crossed that I lost some good weight this week...I'm not ready for an increase in cardio just yet:p

[Melissa]

Lost a pound this week, which isn't too bad considering that I haven't had any changes in my diet/cardio since I started prep. Of course, I knew this lull in weight loss would require some changes be made, and they sure were. My cardio was increased, and I've lost a little bit of food. There is a bright side to the decrease in food though....now I get to have ground beef twice a day instead of only once. The reduction isn't drastic, but combined with the increased cardio should set the weight loss back into high gear again. Saaaweeeeet!

Despite losing only a pound, I was very happy with my progress pictures, which, I guess is really what counts. I'm looking different (better) each week. But it's very interesting to see that, as I have been working on filling out my frame, I've started to develop noticable weaknesses. In the past, I was pretty balanced and symmetrical....my general weakness was that I was small. I'm still pretty puny, but my point is that, as I put on more muscle, I'm finding that next offseason, I'm going to have some lagging body parts that I'll really need to focus on bringing up. But, there isn't much I can do about those now, so I'm trying not to get all screwy in the head about it.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty fun day at the Empire States. I pretty much wound up being able to hang out and catch up with some friends who I rarely get to see. Of course, we did work a little bit;) It's always nice to be around other competitors, especially when you're all dieting, and be able to basically talk shop. I love my non-bodybuilding friends dearly, and they're always incredibly supportive of my pursuits in this sport. But as anyone who competes knows, they'll never understand the love/hate relationship of 5am cardio or the confusion and frustration that comes along with trying to figure out what the judges are looking for. So, it's such a good feeling to be able to talk about that stuff once in a while with people who understand.

Tonight is cheat meal, and it's about time to change things up. I think we're gonna hit up IHOP for some pancakes and omelets, mmmmmm. But first, a nap and more cardio is on the agenda:yep:

[stephaniewicked]

You were working hard yesterday... I could barely get near the Species booth to say goodnight! ;)

Definitely looking good mama... Enjoy the pancakes and omelets tonight!! :p

[Melissa]

Thanks, Steph! They were deeeeelicious!

Today's update: I am fucking exhausted. That is all.

[Melissa]

I have been so tired all week, and I finally figured out why when I looked at the calendar today....TOM. When I'm prepping, I only get the PMS part, and everything else stops. So, I'm still a tired, cranky, bloated biatch. I hold so much water that just about anything that rests on my skin leaves an imprint. I know, it's hot.

We trained back on Monday night, and I don't know what the hell we did differently, but I was still sore today. I love my Monday night back workouts because I'm all fueled up from my cheat meal the night before, and I'm really able to go after it. Of course, that effect is long gone by the time Wednesday rolls around for shoulders and chest (I don't train on Tuesdays because they're my late nights at work). And let's not talk about my energy levels by the end of the week.

This is the first year where I'm planning on continuing to train with my partner through my entire prep. In the past, we would usually go our separate ways around 8 or 6 weeks out, mostly because I'm just a completely miserable individual by that point but also because I like to move a little quicker through the workouts then, too. And to be brutally honest, he sometimes moves like molasses. But this year, we are in a really good rhythm with our workouts, and we just crank right through them. He's easily one of the most supportive people around me when it comes to this sport. He always rolls with my crazy workout ideas. He lets me go off on my occasional tantrums, and most importantly, he's just ALWAYS there. He's been to just about every show I've done, even if it's just to make a quick appearance to see me on stage....hell, that's more than I can say about my own parents who refuse to go to my shows now because they think I look like a man (which is another story for another day). Anyway, I just know that I'm lucky to have a few very close people in my life who support me no matter what:)

[fitmomma3]

1. Your parents think you look like a man? Seriously???? :( I'm sorry to hear this but think the vent would make a good read when you feel like it.

2. YOU ARE SO LUCKYYYYYY to have a trainer partner like that, I AM SO JEALOUS!!! I have never had a religious one, mostly cause I'm moody and hard to get along with like you mentioned lol but also because I'm stubborn when I want to train a certain way sometimes too.... but lately I've been LONGING for a set partner... I have always been able to motivate myself, but I love the PUSH not to mention the good spot of a great partner!

3. Do you keep cheats in up until the end?

[tammyp]

you look like a man? fuck noway! i think your adorable! you know the only place i have ever heard negative talk is the forums. i get complimented all the time on my physique, even the old blue hairs that come in to the salon. im lucky too, my parents cried when i got my pro card.:)

[Melissa]

1. Your parents think you look like a man? Seriously???? :( I'm sorry to hear this but think the vent would make a good read when you feel like it.

2. YOU ARE SO LUCKYYYYYY to have a trainer partner like that, I AM SO JEALOUS!!! I have never had a religious one, mostly cause I'm moody and hard to get along with like you mentioned lol but also because I'm stubborn when I want to train a certain way sometimes too.... but lately I've been LONGING for a set partner... I have always been able to motivate myself, but I love the PUSH not to mention the good spot of a great partner!

3. Do you keep cheats in up until the end?

LOL, yeah, they do. I'm sure there'll be a rant about it in here somewhere along the way. I used to get really upset about it, but I have other people who are really supportive and don't think I look like a man.

I have to say, a big part of the reason my training partner and I work so well together is because he is SOOOO laid back and easygoing, very much unlike me. We wind up balancing eachother out well. We have very different goals for our training, but it still manages to work well.

As far as cheats go, last year, Dave gave me my last cheat meal at 3 weeks out. It really all depends on how I'm progressing, though. Hopefully this year will be about the same.


you look like a man? fuck noway! i think your adorable! you know the only place i have ever heard negative talk is the forums. i get complimented all the time on my physique, even the old blue hairs that come in to the salon. im lucky too, my parents cried when i got my pro card.:)

Aww, thanks Tammy!:hmn: To be honest, I usually get very positive comments on my physique aside from my parents....go figure, huh? I have two very close friends who are like my parents (they totally treat me like I'm their daughter), and I think they would cry if I ever won my pro card lol.

[stephaniewicked]

You are one sexy lady... I can't believe your parents have said that to you! You know you have friends and supporters here, so anytime you're ready to let it all out, we've got your back!! :hugme:

My family asks about my shows and my dad came to my local one back in June, so they are supportive to an extent. They just don't "get" why I wouldn't eat Easter dinner with them or why I can't take "just one day off" or eat "only a little bit". So that's when I get frustrated...

And I'm a very cranky person, especially when dieting, so I don't think I could handle a training partner. I know it would be good for some days when I need the extra push, but my girl Jean isn't always around to train at the same time as me. She's the only one who can handle me though... always great about letting me vent about anything at anytime and doesn't pass judgement. I had to apologize to her ALOT in the last few months for all my crankiness, but I love her to pieces. She totally GETS it, and it sounds like your partner does too. And even when you're not in the mood to hear someone tell you how great you're looking (when you're 8 weeks out and still feel like a balloon), deep down, it really does mean the world!

[Melissa]

Thank you so much, Steph!:hugme: It's definitely something I had a really hard time with at first, but knowing that I have the support of so many other people makes it a much easier pill to swallow. Besides, I'm having so much more fun with bodybuilding (for the most part lol)!

[Melissa]

Ugh, I totally have the mid-contest prep blahs. Even though things have been moving along really well for me with everything going according to plan (and maybe even a little ahead of plan), I've been feeling pretty, well, blah, lately. I'm right around the midway point of the diet at just over 9 weeks out, which is far enough away from d-day that the excitement and adrenaline of the show itself hasn't built up enough to push me through, but I'm also far enough away from the offseason that the diet/cardio is just beginning to wear on me mentally. I'm sure a lot of it is just me being tired. As much as I love having extra calories during this prep, the amount of cardio that I'm doing has its sucky moments....mostly when my alarm goes off at 4:45am. But I can't deny the fact that I'm very happy with the results, both as far as how I look and how my training sessions have been going.

Things are starting to come together with getting organized for the Nationals trip, too, which is VERY exciting. I know it's still a ways away, but I'm super neurotic about planning ahead (umm yeah, I had my room booked at like 16 weeks out lol). It looks like I'll be flying out there and staying with Jillian, since she decided to do the show too....and I think Kat will be road-tripping with us!! This is especially exciting for me because Nationals falls on my birthday....my big 3-0, actually:babygirl:. So, it'll be awesome to be out there with the girls and be able to celebrate a little after the show.

[The Prodigy]

Hang in there girlie! I know the midway point is hard! It is all well worth it when you step on stage!

[tammyp]

its always more fun w the girls! hang in there..i hear ya! i just hooked up w a girl to prep her that is doing bikini for that show....

[PJ BRAUN]

You definitely dont look like a man...especially with that delicious :wiggle:

Thats my insightful addition to this thread. :hugme:

[Gaoshang Xiongshou]

You look like a man? Nonsense. In fact, I have seen more women who do not train at all, who look more like a man than any actual man does.

If I ever brought home a woman... a female bodybuilder... any my parents decided they wanted to tell me that she looked like a man, I would have to stop talking to my parents before I ever said something that I know I would regret.

[Melissa]

Hang in there girlie! I know the midway point is hard! It is all well worth it when you step on stage!


its always more fun w the girls! hang in there..i hear ya! i just hooked up w a girl to prep her that is doing bikini for that show....

Thanks girls! Gail, I agree...I feel like from about 10 weeks out until about 6 weeks out I'm just a robot doing the same thing day in and day out. Then at around 6 weeks out, I usually start to get excited for the show, and that usually helps carry me through.

Tammy, are you prepping your client for Easterns or for Nationals? You're not going to be at either show by any chance are you?

[Melissa]

You definitely dont look like a man...especially with that delicious :wiggle:

Thats my insightful addition to this thread. :hugme:


You look like a man? Nonsense. In fact, I have seen more women who do not train at all, who look more like a man than any actual man does.

If I ever brought home a woman... a female bodybuilder... any my parents decided they wanted to tell me that she looked like a man, I would have to stop talking to my parents before I ever said something that I know I would regret.

LMAO @ PJ...I can always count on you for an ass comment. Thanks, though!:)

And good point, GX. I know quite a few non-bb women who aren't exactly feminine in their appearance.

And I really appreciate that too, guys. *I* definitely don't think I look like a man (hell, I still would like to get just a little bit bigger). The way I look at it is this...not everyone likes the look of a female bodybuilder. Unfortunately for me, that group of people happens to include my parents. I'm not going to stop trying to progress in the sport, and they're not going to change their minds, so it's a matter of agreeing to disagree.

[Melissa]

A friend of mine sent this quote to me, and it really just fits perfectly for me. I'm sure people have read this before, but it just resonated so much with me. I get asked ALL THE TIME why I do this sport or live my life the way I do, and people around me rarely believe that I'm genuinely happy living the lifestyle that I do. So, this quote is perfect for when they get going on their silly little rants.

"Those who work the hardest, who subject themselves to the strictest discipline, who give up certain pleasurable things in order to achieve a goal, are the happiest."
- Brutus Hamilton, Olympic decathlete and track coach

[GirlyMuscle]

Sounds like a good signature line. ;)

[shankuan]

A friend of mine sent this quote to me, and it really just fits perfectly for me. I'm sure people have read this before, but it just resonated so much with me. I get asked ALL THE TIME why I do this sport or live my life the way I do, and people around me rarely believe that I'm genuinely happy living the lifestyle that I do. So, this quote is perfect for when they get going on their silly little rants.

"Those who work the hardest, who subject themselves to the strictest discipline, who give up certain pleasurable things in order to achieve a goal, are the happiest."
- Brutus Hamilton, Olympic decathlete and track coach

This resonates SO LOUDLY for me!!! I too get asked that very question and this couldn't have summed it up ANY BETTER!!! Mind if i use this?

[Melissa]

Sounds like a good signature line. ;)

Good call!!


This resonates SO LOUDLY for me!!! I too get asked that very question and this couldn't have summed it up ANY BETTER!!! Mind if i use this?

Go right ahead, girl!

[tammyp]

easterns...i would go but rooms are insane...she woulda paid for a normal room for me bit not at 300 a night

[stephaniewicked]

easterns...i would go but rooms are insane...she woulda paid for a normal room for me bit not at 300 a night

If I had a spare room, you could have stayed at my place! :)

I leave for vacation the day after Easterns, but I'm still gonna try and make it this year since I didn't get to last year. I want to see everyone before you all fly off to Hotlanta.

I was actually considering going to Nationals, but I'm weighing the cons... $$$. It looked like it was alot of fun last year and I know so many of you competing this year, that I would just love to be there for it all! Airfare was $249/roundtrip when I looked on expedia the other day, but I couldn't find a cheaper hotel... Not that I should be spending so much money right before the holidays anyway, but I've really, really, really been thinking about it...

[Melissa]

easterns...i would go but rooms are insane...she woulda paid for a normal room for me bit not at 300 a night

Damn, $300/night? F'ing NYC. What's her name? And is it her first show? I'll definitely try to find her back stage.


If I had a spare room, you could have stayed at my place! :)

I leave for vacation the day after Easterns, but I'm still gonna try and make it this year since I didn't get to last year. I want to see everyone before you all fly off to Hotlanta.

I was actually considering going to Nationals, but I'm weighing the cons... $$$. It looked like it was alot of fun last year and I know so many of you competing this year, that I would just love to be there for it all! Airfare was $249/roundtrip when I looked on expedia the other day, but I couldn't find a cheaper hotel... Not that I should be spending so much money right before the holidays anyway, but I've really, really, really been thinking about it...

Steph, I'm in one of my best friends' weddings the day after Easterns, so I know the hectic-ness (is that even a word?) of it all. But it would definitely be awesome if you made it out to ATL!!! Of course, I get the whole money thing....no need to explain that. I'm broke as a joke.

Feeling pretty good today, but that's probably just because it's Friday lol. Although, I did have a really good ham/calf workout lastnight, which are a rare occurrence for me. I'm also very excited because tomorrow I'm finally going to meet with Colette to put together my night routine! Even though, the last thing I feel like doing is driving out to LI, I can't wait to see how it turns out. I really love my music this year. I put a lot of time into picking out the songs, and as cheesy as it sounds, I think it's a little reflective of me as a person and some of the changes I've gone through over the past year or so, which will make performing to it that much more fun.

[stephaniewicked]

Wow, I should never complain about prep again... IN a wedding the week before nationals... you must be a saint or something. I don't know how I would be doing that, lol...

Maybe I'll talk to Jean and see if she's down for the trip. If so, I may find a way to make it work... ;) Jon's dieting for an October 30th show, so I know there's no way he's going to travel two weeks before that (not that I blame him!)

What music are you using (or is it a surprise?) :)

[Melissa]

Nope, no surprise with the music...I decided to go with an old school Janet Jackson theme and mixed Control and Black Cat. I wanted it to be fun and playful.

Speaking of fun and playful, I finally just got home after a long day down in LI working with Colette. The routine is done and video'd, and I really like it. I just need to practice it (a lot) and get the feel for it so that I can sprinkle in my own little flair. Plus, Colette put some Janet-like moves in the routine, which require a bit of coordination.....hope I can find some in the next 9 weeks:hypno:

[Z33ACV2]

easterns...i would go but rooms are insane...she woulda paid for a normal room for me bit not at 300 a night

$300 for a room?!?!? why can she research online for other hotels in lower manhattan. maybe chelsea area. I live in Manhattan and i know there is more hotel that are cheaper than $300.

[Z33ACV2]

Nope, no surprise with the music...I decided to go with an old school Janet Jackson theme and mixed Control and Black Cat. I wanted it to be fun and playful.

Speaking of fun and playful, I finally just got home after a long day down in LI working with Colette. The routine is done and video'd, and I really like it. I just need to practice it (a lot) and get the feel for it so that I can sprinkle in my own little flair. Plus, Colette put some Janet-like moves in the routine, which require a bit of coordination.....hope I can find some in the next 9 weeks:hypno:

Hi Melissa, how are you feeling? Doing a Janet Jackson theme would be cool to see.

[Melissa]

Hi Melissa, how are you feeling? Doing a Janet Jackson theme would be cool to see.

Hey Zoila! I'm doing well, thanks. Hope things are good with you! And, yeah, I love me some Janet.


What I don't love right now is my fucking scale. In fact, I think I'm going to file for divorce...citing infidelity and irreconcilable differences. That little bastard is doing me dirty. All week long, I put so much time and energy into my diet, training, and cardio and what does it give me? Not just the same number, but a higher number! I mean, really, WTF? So, here's my proposed settlement....I want all of the muscle. The scale can keep all of the fat, and we'll call it even. No alimony payments necessary. I'm going to my attorney tomorrow. Anyone care to be the one to serve the papers?

If it weren't for the fact that my weekly pictures are showing steady progress, I would be a complete headcase right now (instead of only a partial one). I'm not sure what's going on, but it sure is frustrating. It's one thing when you don't have any change in weight from one week to the next, but it's another when you actually *gain* weight. That never happened to me at all during prep last year. I know, I know...it doesn't matter as long as I'm getting tighter. And it's not like I have to worry about actually making weight this year because I'm almost positive now that I'll fall smack dab in the middle of my weight class. Oh, that damn scale lol.

[Suzanne]

Hey Zoila! I'm doing well, thanks. Hope things are good with you! And, yeah, I love me some Janet.


What I don't love right now is my fucking scale. In fact, I think I'm going to file for divorce...citing infidelity and irreconcilable differences. That little bastard is doing me dirty. All week long, I put so much time and energy into my diet, training, and cardio and what does it give me? Not just the same number, but a higher number! I mean, really, WTF? So, here's my proposed settlement....I want all of the muscle. The scale can keep all of the fat, and we'll call it even. No alimony payments necessary. I'm going to my attorney tomorrow. Anyone care to be the one to serve the papers?

If it weren't for the fact that my weekly pictures are showing steady progress, I would be a complete headcase right now (instead of only a partial one). I'm not sure what's going on, but it sure is frustrating. It's one thing when you don't have any change in weight from one week to the next, but it's another when you actually *gain* weight. That never happened to me at all during prep last year. I know, I know...it doesn't matter as long as I'm getting tighter. And it's not like I have to worry about actually making weight this year because I'm almost positive now that I'll fall smack dab in the middle of my weight class. Oh, that damn scale lol.

welcome to my world with the scale! i go down 2 up 3 down 1 up 3 from day 1 of prep so frigging frustrating!

Glad your pics show progress!!

[Melissa]

Random thoughts from my cardio earlier this morning....

1. Bodybuilding is a justified eating disorder in its own right. We are one fucked up bunch (not exactly a revelation, I know).

2. Contest prep is just clock watching disguised as productivity. You're either counting down until your next meal or counting down the minutes of cardio.

And, with that, I've probably maxed out on my productivity for the day today, and it's only 7:30am.:yep:

[Sandpig]

Melissa, I just found this thread and would like to say keep up the good work and hell no, you do not look like a man.

[shankuan]

Hey Zoila! I'm doing well, thanks. Hope things are good with you! And, yeah, I love me some Janet.


What I don't love right now is my fucking scale. In fact, I think I'm going to file for divorce...citing infidelity and irreconcilable differences. That little bastard is doing me dirty. All week long, I put so much time and energy into my diet, training, and cardio and what does it give me? Not just the same number, but a higher number! I mean, really, WTF? So, here's my proposed settlement....I want all of the muscle. The scale can keep all of the fat, and we'll call it even. No alimony payments necessary. I'm going to my attorney tomorrow. Anyone care to be the one to serve the papers?

If it weren't for the fact that my weekly pictures are showing steady progress, I would be a complete headcase right now (instead of only a partial one). I'm not sure what's going on, but it sure is frustrating. It's one thing when you don't have any change in weight from one week to the next, but it's another when you actually *gain* weight. That never happened to me at all during prep last year. I know, I know...it doesn't matter as long as I'm getting tighter. And it's not like I have to worry about actually making weight this year because I'm almost positive now that I'll fall smack dab in the middle of my weight class. Oh, that damn scale lol.

Hon, i've been through the divorce thing, threw out the damn thing and all and then got into it with a BRAND new one shortly thereafter. While its not exactly a marriage, we understand each other, and the only reason it aint in the bin yet is because my prep coach likes me to post the #'s up.


Random thoughts from my cardio earlier this morning....

1. Bodybuilding is a justified eating disorder in its own right. We are one fucked up bunch (not exactly a revelation, I know).

2. Contest prep is just clock watching disguised as productivity. You're either counting down until your next meal or counting down the minutes of cardio.

And, with that, I've probably maxed out on my productivity for the day today, and it's only 7:30am.:yep:

Ain't that the truth girl! I hit that limit about 3hrs after waking up and it hadn't even cracked dawn yet :whistle:

[tammyp]

carrie haviland. yes its her first show. shes blond about 5'5. pretty girl.
your posts make me lmao mel!

[Melissa]

Melissa, I just found this thread and would like to say keep up the good work and hell no, you do not look like a man.

Thanks!


Ain't that the truth girl! I hit that limit about 3hrs after waking up and it hadn't even cracked dawn yet :whistle:

Too funny, because that was exactly 3 hours after I woke up too. Must be something about that 3 hour mark lol. And for the record, I have managed to surpass even my own expectations....I *have* had a productive morning, albeit not by choice.


carrie haviland. yes its her first show. shes blond about 5'5. pretty girl.
your posts make me lmao mel!

Blond, pretty, and she does bikini....I'll probably have better luck just walking around backstage yelling "Tammy Patnode's bikini client to aisle 3, please!" lol

And I'm glad you find my posts funny....sometimes I think I'm just rambling to the wall lol.

[Wetdawg]

Hello Melissa,
I have been lurking here since you started the thread. I hope you don't mind a guy checking your progress. I find most of the guys threads are " I did this much, this many times", your thread is very candid. Nicely Done!
Thanks, WD

[johnnylax]

dear mr. and mrs. Di...

we just wanted you to know what a beautiful, brave, dedicated, strong, strong-minded and SEXY daughter you have!! she has chosen to follow her passion, and that's a good thing, right? and she is very dedicated to it! and...she is GOOD at it. you must be proud, seeing as she is your daughter!

we're sure you both know there are many people around who don't understand why women lift weights and enjoy being strong. but think about it....do you think melissa would do something harmful to her? we're glad she's doing something that makes her strong both in body and MIND!

and we anticipate that down the road... when melissa gets up there and does her thing on stage, something she is SO proud of, working harder than most people at the local All-Sport...and LOVING it...YOU TOO, will see her dedication and love for what she does. and who she is. a beautiful, beautiful dedicated young woman who is following her heart and working hard to accomplish her goals. We here all do!

the RX muscle family!

[Melissa]

Well, thanks guys, I really appreciate that. One thing that I particularly pride myself on is that I do what makes me happy, regardless of what others think or say. I've always sort of walked to the beat of my own drum, and I've been called selfish on more than one occasion. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but the people who count in my life, know they are a top priority, and that's all that matters to me.

And Wetdawg, I always try to be as candid as possible. I spend all day being lied to at work and having to decipher truth from manipulation. When you deal with that on the regular, it makes you appreciate honesty and candor all that much more (and so much less tolerant of liars).

[Melissa]

Wow, 8 weeks out already. Halfway there. I can't even believe it. I'm not sure if I feel like "Oh shit, 8 weeks! I better get my ass in gear" or if I feel more like "Ugh, still 8 more weeks." I think I feel both ways, if that's possible. Right now, I'm super frustrated with the progress of everything below my belly button, which is nothing new for me. My lower body is always SO slow to come in. It eventually does, but it sure likes to make me wait (and patience is definitely not one of my virtues). I know that I'm really going to have to suffer to get my quads/hams/glutes to look how I want them to. Given that last year was my first time out as a bb, I was very happy with my lower body conditioning, but I would really love to improve on that this year.

So, I just got back from dinner with some good friends of mine (one of them was in town visiting for a few days, and I haven't seen him in what feels like forever). And for the first time in my life, I was able to sit at dinner and truly enjoy myself without drooling over everyone else's food or feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't eat with them. Of course, they were as understanding as they always are and didn't blink an eye when I told the waitress that I wasn't ordering anything. And when the food came, they ate, and we talked like nothing was out of the ordinary. It seems like every year that goes by that I do this sport, it gets so much easier to sit through dinners like this during prep. Oddly, it has less to do with my friends being understanding and more to do with my own ability to be able to truly enjoy the company without feeling like I'm missing out on something because I can't enjoy the food/drinks. Anyway, that's my silly little revelation for the day.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend because it's the first weekend in two months that I'm home for the entire weekend. I get to train in *my* gym and not have to wake up and rush anywhere. I do have a lot of stuff to do because I have to start getting things together for my friend's bridal shower next weekend, but at least I'm HOME. In case anyone hasn't figured it out, I'm a total homebody. I like my alone time, and I actually like being at home. I know, it's weird...but I completely own my weirdness:p

[GirlyMuscle]

I hope I get to that point. I passed up an offer to go out tonight from my bff and her bf because I couldn't eat or drink. I know that's not the point, being with them is, but I'm just not strong enough to sit there and be cool. I could make myself not cheat, I'd just be miserable about it. I decided home was the better choice for me at this point.

[stephaniewicked]

It seems like every year that goes by that I do this sport, it gets so much easier to sit through dinners like this during prep. Oddly, it has less to do with my friends being understanding and more to do with my own ability to be able to truly enjoy the company without feeling like I'm missing out on something because I can't enjoy the food/drinks. Anyway, that's my silly little revelation for the day.

This is SO not a "silly little revelation". I admire your strength. This is a skill I am still trying to work on. I get very cranky when I have to do anything during prep that involves being around people enjoying food that I can't have. Usually it's my family and some of them are a-holes about it and like to rub it in my face, which doesn't help... :mad: But I think it's great that your friends understand and even more fantastic that you possess the ability to not let it bother you. I hope to be like you when I grow up! :)

Enjoy your weekend at home. I know what you mean... I enjoy spending time alone too.

How's your routine coming along? You been practicing?

[Melissa]

Thanks girls! The whole balance thing is something I have been working on since I started competing 5 years ago. And like I said, each year it seems to get a little easier. I'm sure people who have been competing much longer than me will agree, and it probably doesn't phase them at all. As I've said before, I'm so lucky to have some of the people in my life that I do. I have a few close friends who don't do the sport and really know very little about it but are incredibly understanding when I'm dieting. And that always makes it easier for me to be around them during prep because they don't make my lack of eating/drinking the pink elephant in the room.

Steph, that's awful that some of your fam rubs it in your face....it's so damn frustrating! Funny story kinda related to that....a couple of years ago, my little brother was home visiting, and he was staying at my place. At the time, I lived across the street from this amazing Italian bakery that he loved to get cannoli's from. One day, I came home from the gym, and he literally had a dozen cannoli's spread out all over my kitchen table in an attempt to see if I would cheat on my diet (he was "hiding" in hopes that if I thought he wasn't there that I'd sneak one). He was so disappointed when I didn't even bother with them. Then he claimed it was his attempt at helping to make me mentally tough lol. Fortunately, it was all in good fun, as my brother is one of my biggest supporters, so I was able to see the humor in it. But it's so shitty when your family gives you a hard time about the way you live your life.

And Erin, I'd be willing to bet that your bff was understanding of your decision to stay home, and that's really what's important. I totally know how you feel about being able to go out and not cheat but feel completely miserable the entire time...been there, done that. And it's fun for no one. Sometimes, you just need to be home where it's "safe."

[Melissa]

Well daaaaaayyyyum! It's amazing what a little bit of rest will do for a girl. I just got back from an amazing quad workout. I had low expectations going into the workout because this it was my heavy quad workout, and I knew I'd be training solo because Clarkey was out of town crashing his best friend's wedding. I was actually dreading the workout. Turned out I had nothing to worry about. I'm probably jinxing myself by saying this, but nearly all my weights went up this week. I wasn't setting the world on fire with crazy strength increases or anything, but at 8 weeks out, to have any increase is amazing for me. Everything just seemed to click today, and that's always such a great feeling. I feel like with every week that goes by, I'm just waiting to hit that wall where my strength just tanks, and so far, that point seems a ways off (for now, at least). Granted, I've been really tired, but this is where it becomes a mental game for me to push aside the exhaustion and tap into the strength that's still there and cranking.

After I trained, I practiced my routine for a little while, and I seem to finally be getting it down. The more comfortable I get with the moves, the more I really like it. I'm sorry, but how can you NOT like Janet? While I was practicing today, I came to this crazy conclusion (for me). I'm an incredibly competitive person. I could turn the most benign actvitiy like washing dishes into a competition, that's how bad I am. But for some reason, this year, I could care less how I place in either of the shows I do. Don't get me wrong, I do have my goals for each show as far as placing goes, but I am so happy with the progress that I'm seeing, and I really believe that I'll bring the look that I had originally set out for myself for this year.....and I think that will truly be enough for me. That's something I have NEVER felt before.....confidence. And to be honest, part of me wonders what the catch is. Like, ok brain, stop playing with me here. This isn't the neurotic, train wreck me that I'm used to lol.

This sport has forced me to learn patience in so many ways because I know how I ultimately want to look on stage. And I know it's going to take time because there is only so much I'm willing to sacrifice to get there. But this year is one small step in the right direction and puts me a little closer to my own personal ideal.

[Melissa]

So my alarm goes off at the usual 4:45 this morning, and I said to myself, "Self, what the HELL is wrong with you? Have you lost yo' damn mind?!?" I feel like every morning when my alarm goes off I strongly consider calling in sick to work and just rolling back over and going to bed, literally EVERY MORNING. This morning was especially bad....I was already halfway to the gym when I started to slow down and considered turning around, calling in sick to work, and going back to bed. It's sad that I care more about having enough energy for my workouts and cardio than about actually going in to work. And we wonder where the unemployed, broke bodybuilder stereotype comes from.

[shankuan]

Well daaaaaayyyyum! It's amazing what a little bit of rest will do for a girl.

That's why they always say its JUST AS if not MORE important than everything else you do during a prep or just in general. When you've got all cylinders on fire it makes you feel 'almost' invincible (at least me) in the gym, doing cardio or all damn day NOTHING is too daunting or impossible.:yep:


This sport has forced me to learn patience in so many ways because I know how I ultimately want to look on stage. And I know it's going to take time because there is only so much I'm willing to sacrifice to get there. But this year is one small step in the right direction and puts me a little closer to my own personal ideal.

It IS great that you with 8 weeks you can find that extra 'umph' (sp?) (don't know where that word is coming from..lol) to make you feel comfortable or happy with the progress being made enough not to think that this is a 'DO AT ALL COST' kind of thing. i find that at the end of the day being ok with YOURSELF (knowing the work and effort you put in) kinda keeps you grounded and puts everything in perspective so you end up 'LIVING' instead of becoming a slave to another prep. Sure we have limitations (restricted diet, social life etc) but you don't get 'LOST' that you can't separate THIS process from the other stuff, and THAT is what makes the lessons you learn STICK with you. And getting to your ideal even if it will take the time (which you know it will) is always worth it.




So my alarm goes off at the usual 4:45 this morning, and I said to myself, "Self, what the HELL is wrong with you? Have you lost yo' damn mind?!?" I feel like every morning when my alarm goes off I strongly consider calling in sick to work and just rolling back over and going to bed, literally EVERY MORNING. This morning was especially bad....I was already halfway to the gym when I started to slow down and considered turning around, calling in sick to work, and going back to bed. It's sad that I care more about having enough energy for my workouts and cardio than about actually going in to work. And we wonder where the unemployed, broke bodybuilder stereotype comes from.

I also battle the 'can i just go back home after the gym 2day instead of going to work' thoughts even BEFORE the day is out (day b4). And even while at work i'm thinking about the next lift or the next meal or the amount of sleep i could be getting IF i was at home (except when i am so swamped i can't even tell what time of day it is much less). So you are NOT alone. lolol.

Sorry for rambling here but i relate (as i'm sure others do too) alot to what you you are going through (some of your thoughts and experiences). :)

[Melissa]

^^Ramble away girl! Hell, I sure do! Plus, it is def nice to know you're not alone with some of the crazy precontest emotions/thoughts that crop up.

[Suzanne]

^^Ramble away girl! Hell, I sure do! Plus, it is def nice to know you're not alone with some of the crazy precontest emotions/thoughts that crop up.

we all get a bit crazy during prep!

this prep particularly crazy emotions for me :hypno: :hypno:

Keep pushing hard!

[Melissa]

we all get a bit crazy during prep!

this prep particularly crazy emotions for me :hypno: :hypno:

Keep pushing hard!

Thanks Suzanne....I'm right there with ya!:hugme:

True to the title of my journal, this week has been quite the emotional roller coaster with yesterday being the big drop. I totally should have followed my 5am instinct and turned around, called in sick to work, and gone back to bed because yesterday was just a complete emotional shitstorm....complete with tears and screaming. It was one of those days where I couldn't even stand to look at myself because I felt like I looked fat and watery and just plain gross. And of course, yesterday just happened to be the day when everyone at work seemed to comment on how great I was looking. I tried to be polite and say thank you, but of course, inside I'm thinking "what, are you fucking blind? I look like a watery moose." A little bit of an exageration, but hey, this sport is about extremes, right?

Anyway, I made it through the work day, and on my way up to the gym got stuck behind a tractor going 6mph....yes SIX!!! Are you fucking kidding me? So my usual 15 minute trip to the gym took 45 minutes....and this is where the screaming commenced. As if the poor redneck farmer driving the tractor had any idea (or really cared) that I absolutely needed to get to the gym precisely an hour and a half after my last meal. I probably could have walked to the gym and gotten there faster, and I woulda gotten in all my cardio. Talk about good time management. So, needless to say, by the time I got to the gym, I didn't want to talk to anyone. But Clarkey understood, and just let me blast my headphones and grind through the workout without saying a word.

Ah yes, the perfect precontest storm. Enough to make you burst in to tears when people tell you that you look great and then nearly blow a gasket trying to drive to the gym. I'm going to count this as meltdown numero uno. Maybe I should start naming them like they name hurricanes, only mine would be named after famous people. I think this one will be called Meltdown Akon. I wonder how far through the alphabet I can get...

[Suzanne]

Man what a day you had!! Hope you have some great ones to make up for it!!

I was in tears Saturday cuz we had had ANOTHER $1000 car repair and was convinced no show for me cuz of it.

I am hoping since i had early prep meltdowns the second half will go smoooooooooooooooooth!

Here's to meltdown free prep til Nationals!!!!!!

[Melissa]

Ha, my meltdowns are like summertime thunderstorms....they're gone as quickly as they come but they can be pretty fierce lol. That sucks big time about your car....I woulda been in tears too. You did have a rough start to prep with Chase losing his job and the big move, but just think, by the time you step on stage in October, it's going to feel like such an accomplishment because of that. So yes, here's to a smooth next 8 weeks!

[The Prodigy]

Hang in there girl! Almost there!

[Melissa]

Thanks, Gail! Did I read in someone else's thread that you might be coming to ATL to watch Nationals? I would love to be able to meet you in person:)

[stephaniewicked]

Haha... I like the idea of naming prep meltdowns like hurricanes. You might have just started a new trend there!! ;) I hope things get better as the next 8 weeks move along... You've got lots of love and support in here, girl! :hugme:

[Melissa]

Awww, thanks Steph, that's so sweet!!!:hmn:

[Melissa]

Good progress again this week. Lost two pounds, and I'm down to 131.2, which was a huge relief after I went a little overboard on my cheat meal last week (which largely contributed to my mid-week meltdown). Plus, I'd say I'm still a little ahead of schedule, but not much. It's time to pull the reins in on the cheat meal and start cleaning it up a bit. Again, I know I'm still going to be pretty small up there next to the other middleweights, but I sure as HELL will in shape.

[stephaniewicked]

Considering your conditioning in your bb debut, I have no doubt that you're gonna show up and be "in shape" and MORE! So excited for you, girl!! Glad you're feeling better after Akon! ;) :p

[The Prodigy]

Thanks, Gail! Did I read in someone else's thread that you might be coming to ATL to watch Nationals? I would love to be able to meet you in person:)

I am going to do my best to be there! Hopefully working the Species booth! Are you doing Nats too?

[Melissa]

I am going to do my best to be there! Hopefully working the Species booth! Are you doing Nats too?

Yup!:yep:

[Melissa]

Dear Tuesday,
You win. I give up. You officially kicked my ass.:giveup::giveup::giveup:
Fuck you very much,
Melissa xoxo

P.S. Watch out Wednesday because I'm coming out swinging:pistols:


Aaaahhh, just using those rediculous smiley faces makes me feel better....I have officially lost my mind lol.

[fitmomma3]

^^^ Fuck you very MUCH XOXO hahahaha LOVE THAT SORRY BUT I DID!!! Hope wednesday is BETTER though!!

[Melissa]

^^^ Fuck you very MUCH XOXO hahahaha LOVE THAT SORRY BUT I DID!!! Hope wednesday is BETTER though!!

LOL, it's totally ok. I figure, I gotta make a joke out of it because it's pretty funny how such small, stupid stuff can really just grate at you when you're dieting. I know that if I wasn't so tired and run down that I would have done a much better job at letting yesterday's crap roll off my back. Oh well, such is prep.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better today, so I'm sure it will be a better day:)

[shankuan]

Dear Tuesday,
P.S. Watch out Wednesday because I'm coming out swinging:pistols:

Aaaahhh, just using those rediculous smiley faces makes me feel better....I have officially lost my mind lol.

You know i thought i was weird and getting off my rockers for feeling this way...but im happy i now have company :hmn:. And hon, i always say you can't lose what wasn't already there because one has to ALREADY BE kinda wacko to do what we do every year (sometimes more than once per year) knowing the unstable emotions and issues that come with it. I believe i'm certifiable so you are NOT alone :D :lmao:


LOL, it's totally ok. I figure, I gotta make a joke out of it because it's pretty funny how such small, stupid stuff can really just grate at you when you're dieting. I know that if I wasn't so tired and run down that I would have done a much better job at letting yesterday's crap roll off my back. Oh well, such is prep.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better today, so I'm sure it will be a better day:)

Very glad today's a better day. I think some of us once way into prep get to this point. It happens, and we either deal or let it hang us. Had one of those days yesterday and knew it was going to hang me (i was throoughly exhausted) so i took a vacation day today just to get some sleep. We all have our breaking points and as you've said 'such is prep'. I hope you have an even BETTER rest of week (already halfway there) :beerbang:

[Melissa]

Very glad today's a better day. I think some of us once way into prep get to this point. It happens, and we either deal or let it hang us. Had one of those days yesterday and knew it was going to hang me (i was throoughly exhausted) so i took a vacation day today just to get some sleep. We all have our breaking points and as you've said 'such is prep'. I hope you have an even BETTER rest of week (already halfway there) :beerbang:

It's really funny you say that because I'm well aware that I can come across as Captain Negative, especially when I get to a certain point during my contest prep. Yet, I do love all aspects of this sport. In fact, most of my stress really comes from my job, and the lack of energy from dieting makes it much more difficult to deal with all the fun stuff that comes along with the job. I feel like when I read some of the other girls' journals or talk to other friends who compete, everyone always says how great they are/feel and how great everything is going, and it makes me wonder if there's something they know that I don't as far as having that "great" feeling during prep. I guess it's all in how you perceive things.

[fitmomma3]

Melissa I think the "great feeling" during prep may have a lot to do with our life structure's when not prepping. You seemed to have pretty structured pretty focused off seasons, you have a set schedule with work, so prep for you may mean just cramming more in and stressing.

When I use to compete I was a stay home mom so prep for me meant a little extra focus and structure that I FED OFF of!! It gave me such a high. 1. It allowed me to have an excuse to focus on me (which I didn't necessarily do often) 2. It gave me an excuse to NEVER miss my me time at the gym under any circumstances (which again as a mom in the off season sometimes I had to just make due and sacrifice) and it gave me such a sense of accomplishment, because it was self rewarding.

Now that I'm back at work even though its only part time cooking my food constantly and extra cardio seems like nothing more than extra chores added onto my already long day. So this is where I can see your prep being less than joyful LOL you work long hard days and add on long hard work around that with prep it takes a toll!! I am very inspired by you negative attitude or not lol you are doing it and thats really all that matters in this sport. No one cares if you were happy or not while doing it lol and at least if you gonna be grumpy you can make us laugh ;)

[Melissa]

Alright, I officially "feel" the diet this week. My energy levels have started to really tank, and I feel like I'm moving through molasses during my workouts (mmmm, molasses....but I digress). The strength in my lower body seems to be holding on with a vengence. I had a great quad workout this past Sunday, and my ham workout last night was also really good. But my back workout on Monday and delts/chest on Wednesday left a bit to be desired. It felt like I had to really kill myself to match my weights from the previous workouts, which worries me. To be honest, my upper body is pretty much ready, and the next 6 weeks are going to be all about suffering to get my quads, hams, and glutes to come in. My fear, at this point, is that I'm going to lose some muscle up top. With every contest prep, my upper and lower body seem to balance out a bit more with how it gets rid of fat, but hey, I'm a chick with a fat ass, what can I say? As long as it's not fat on October 9th or October 16th, then I'll be happy.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. It should be very quiet and relaxing. Tomorrow, I'm going with my friend, who's wedding is the day after Easterns, for her final dress fitting, and then the plan is for some good ol' girl time afterwards over coffee or lunch. I get the feeling that her Maid of Honor is stressing her out a bit (hell, she's stressing ME out, and it's not even my wedding), and she needs to vent. And I intend on making every effort on Sunday to do nothing other than train, do my cardio, eat, and sleep.

[The Prodigy]

I am with ya! When I diet for a show I am up at 5am and don't get home again until 9pm. My job is physically, mentally and emotionally draining as is so prep makes it ever harder!!! I think the people that love prep may not have as stressful of a job as you do....just something to consider!

[stephaniewicked]

at least if you gonna be grumpy you can make us laugh ;)

So damn true! That probably doesn't make you feel physically better, but maybe you can smile a little bit knowing we're all smiling when we read this thread... :hugme:

We should start a club... Fat Ass Sisters 4 Life (FAS4L, for short of course!) :p LOL I don't know what I gotta do to get this damn thing in check, but if you're as hardcore as you are and you have this problem, then there's no hope for me. Damn female hormones... :( I envy and admire your photos from last year, so I KNOW it's possible for you to shred up... so 6 more weeks and it's on! (You hear that Melissa's ass? It's ON!!!!) ;)

Okay, I'm being silly now... I think sleep deprivation is kicking in! Have a good weekend, love!

[Melissa]

I am with ya! When I diet for a show I am up at 5am and don't get home again until 9pm. My job is physically, mentally and emotionally draining as is so prep makes it ever harder!!! I think the people that love prep may not have as stressful of a job as you do....just something to consider!

Yeah, my schedule is pretty much the same...I'm up at 4:30 and don't get home until 8 or 8:30 at night. My job isn't necessarily physically demanding, but it sure as hell drains me mentally, and I think that's what take such a toll on me during prep. I feel like I have mush-brain as I type this right now lol.


So damn true! That probably doesn't make you feel physically better, but maybe you can smile a little bit knowing we're all smiling when we read this thread... :hugme:

We should start a club... Fat Ass Sisters 4 Life (FAS4L, for short of course!) :p LOL I don't know what I gotta do to get this damn thing in check, but if you're as hardcore as you are and you have this problem, then there's no hope for me. Damn female hormones... :( I envy and admire your photos from last year, so I KNOW it's possible for you to shred up... so 6 more weeks and it's on! (You hear that Melissa's ass? It's ON!!!!) ;)

Okay, I'm being silly now... I think sleep deprivation is kicking in! Have a good weekend, love!

Actually, it does. I'm glad that I (and other people) can find some humor in it. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's making fun of myself:yep: I fully embrace the fact that I'm just a hot mess sometimes.

And LOL at FAS4L! My training partner just said to me last night that my ass/hamstrings officially make me the president of the IFF (I'm Fucked Foundation for those of you who don't watch the Jersey Shore). Of course, he was joking. But seeing that both of us love that show and the fact that I'm really going to have to suffer to get my toosh to come in, it was pretty fitting.

Yes, it's true, I'm a huge fan of that show, and here's my rationale....I live a pretty drama-free life. I like to keep shit simple. But I do enjoy me a bit of drama, as long as it's not mine. And if there's any show that's the definition of hot mess drama, it's the Jersey Shore. Oh yeah, and the Real Housewives of NJ. Ummm, can you say Danielle Staub? Trainwreck! Anyway, one of my random thoughts during my early morning cardio sessions was to combine the two shows. Could you imagine? Put Theresa and J-Wow in a room together and some asses are getting beat down. Throw in a little Snookie and Danielle and you got a Hot Mess Express. Maybe I missed my calling as a reality show producer:p

[stephaniewicked]

No, you've got the right attitude... if you can find the humor in the suckiness that can sometimes be contest prep, then you're doing pretty damn okay! I need to be able to do that more.

Yes, I enjoy Jersey Shore as well. I admit it! I'm not as big of a fan of RHNJ, but I have watched quite a few episodes this season. I'm looking forward to the reunion show this week!! RHOC is my favorite and RHNY is second. I can't stand the Atlanta crew and I refuse to get hooked on DC so I won't even watch it. I have enough bad tv addictions (hello Food Network!!) Don't need anymore! ;)

[Melissa]

In case anyone was worried about me going MIA (and I know you all were;)), I'm alive and well. I'm feeling the crunch of the diet and have had some pretty low energy days, but I'm hanging in and continuing to make good progress. It's a struggle to maintain my strength in my upper body at this point, but it's still there, and I'm going to fight like hell to hang on to it. I can't believe in 5 and a half weeks I'll be back on stage again. I CANNOT wait!!!!

On a side note, it looks like Edward Scissor Hands shaved my legs today. Now that I'm starting to get separation in my quads and hams, I can't do my usual rush job of shaving since I don't have that wonderful layer of fluff to help protect against the nicks. I have to use what little finesse and patience I have to actually take my time.

[sba220]

In case anyone was worried about me going MIA (and I know you all were;)), I'm alive and well. I'm feeling the crunch of the diet and have had some pretty low energy days, but I'm hanging in and continuing to make good progress. It's a struggle to maintain my strength in my upper body at this point, but it's still there, and I'm going to fight like hell to hang on to it. I can't believe in 5 and a half weeks I'll be back on stage again. I CANNOT wait!!!!

On a side note, it looks like Edward Scissor Hands shaved my legs today. Now that I'm starting to get separation in my quads and hams, I can't do my usual rush job of shaving since I don't have that wonderful layer of fluff to help protect against the nicks. I have to use what little finesse and patience I have to actually take my time.

8:31am....our tax dollars hard at work. :hmn:

[Melissa]

Haha, you smart ass! FYI, I get paid by COUNTY taxes....a county in which you no longer live, so there. :p

[Melissa]

First of all, I have to give major props to all the guys (and girls--as few as they may be) who work outside all day, especially anyone doing manual labor, and is involved in contest prep. I do NOT know how you do it! I am a complete and total wuss. Today, I was out on the shooting range all day for work, and it was in the 90's, sunny, and really humid, and I wanted to die. And we weren't even doing manual labor, just a lot of shooting. Even though I was mentally ready to go for the workout, my body was so shot....the sun and the heat really just zapped all my energy (not that there's really much of it to zap). So, to anyone who works outdoors in this shit and then goes and kills it in the gym, especially during contest prep, hats off to you because you're a much stronger person than me.

So far, it's been a pretty good week, and I'm really looking forward to this weekend. I took Friday off to give myself and even longer weekend, and I intend on taking full advantage of the extra time to just REST. I realize that anyone reading this must think that I live the most boring life ever, which, I guess I do. But when I'm prepping, I really try to make getting rest a top priority, even if it means making things boring for a couple months. Anyway, I also have the return of my cheat meal this weekend. Last weekend we opted to pull the cheat meal and do some experimenting with carb loading to get an idea of what we're going to do leading up to the show. As sad as I was to not have my cheat meal, it was an important weekend because we learned a lot about what works for me and some tweaks we might need to make. For this weekend's cheat meal, I need to clean it up and make it a little more structured, which is fine. I just appreciate the mental break from the diet. Unfortunately, I think the remaining weekends are going to be spent with further experimenting. I shouldn't complain, though, because come contest time, I won't be freaking out wondering how my body is going to react to carbing up. And me not freaking out is good for the sanity of everyone around me:yep:

[Melissa]

Bear with me, because this could be a whole lot of rambling....

As I'm practicing my posing tonight in the group fitness room, I can't help but look at myself and feel my head fill to the brim with doubt. Wondering just who the hell I think I am getting on stage to compete at Nationals again. Wasn't last year enough of a lesson for me that I'm not ready for that level yet? I look at myself and think, girl, you still need to fill out that frame of yours. You have no back width. You have virtually no hamstring detail. You need fuller, more muscular glutes. Your bi's are lagging. And bottom line is you're gonna be a tiny middleweight this year....why are you even bothering trying to stand next to some of those other girls?

This feeling is made even worse by the well-meaning, average gym-goers who look at me and tell me how fantastic I look and how I'm definitely going to win whatever show I'm doing. Do you people even KNOW what amazing women I'll be up against? Or the young girls who tell me I have "perfect" legs. Honey, these legs are going to be what make me suffer for the next 5 weeks. But how do you explain this to people who know nothing about the sport and could never understand the feelings of self-doubt that can be all consuming sometimes? I often make the mistake of trying to explain to them, which only leads more frustration because they just don't get it.

Now I know what some people might be thinking....oh, don't be silly, you're going to do great, of course you deserve to be up there, yadda yadda yadda. I think that's most people's natural reaction when someone expresses doubt about their abilities. But before anyone even starts to think that (especially if you're a competitor yourself), stop for a minute and think how you would feel about being told that in response to your feelings of doubt. When you're at this stage of the game, these feelings of self-doubt can be so real and so deep that you need to just let them run their course. I know that, for me, they can be gone as quickly as a couple of hours (maybe less because I'm able to vent them here). And while they will likely return again, probably several times, over the next 5 weeks, I know that they will never completely overpower the ultimate feelings I have for this sport and my own competitive "career." And I guess that's why I'm able to keep coming back each year with the intention of improving over my last trip to the stage.

Hopefully, some of this made sense. I've never been one to hold back (coach will confirm this). And to be honest, the little energy that I do have these days is usually spared for more important things....like getting my GTL on;)

[Suzanne]

The first question you need to ask: Why am I doing this?

If the answer is because you love it then it isn't about a placing it is about personal achievement and beating yourself. Bringing a better package to stage each show. If you have done that then you have won regardless of where the judges place you.

:hmn:

[tammyp]

ummm..first pro show feelings right there mel!

[Big Sky Guy]

Self-doubt is a completely normal part of the process, whether it be prepping for a show or some other form of competition, or taking on a new position at work.

In proper amounts it is known as humility, but too much creates fear and hampers our ability to compete successfully. Lack of self-doubt can also cause issue when it leads us to take actions beyond our capability.

We have all likely heard of the concept of a "healthy" amount of fear. That comes when we have properly prepared ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally and yet still have those little doubts. But if we have prepared, it is much like putting ourselves on autopilot. Our body memory takes over and we perform well in the face of fear and doubt. "Go and do" requires preparation and faith.

You are doing your part, embrace the journey. This date is but one of many destinations in your life.

[Melissa]

The first question you need to ask: Why am I doing this?

If the answer is because you love it then it isn't about a placing it is about personal achievement and beating yourself. Bringing a better package to stage each show. If you have done that then you have won regardless of where the judges place you.

:hmn:


ummm..first pro show feelings right there mel!


Self-doubt is a completely normal part of the process, whether it be prepping for a show or some other form of competition, or taking on a new position at work.

In proper amounts it is known as humility, but too much creates fear and hampers our ability to compete successfully. Lack of self-doubt can also cause issue when it leads us to take actions beyond our capability.

We have all likely heard of the concept of a "healthy" amount of fear. That comes when we have properly prepared ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally and yet still have those little doubts. But if we have prepared, it is much like putting ourselves on autopilot. Our body memory takes over and we perform well in the face of fear and doubt. "Go and do" requires preparation and faith.

You are doing your part, embrace the journey. This date is but one of many destinations in your life.

Thanks you guys! You're all right, too. How I was feeling the other night was just as I suspected....only a passing thought. And in no way does it impact how I feel overall about why I do this. In fact, like BSG said, it's more of a "healthy" fear for me and helps keep things in perspective and keep me determined to continue improving. It also makes my transition into the offseason a little smoother, if that makes any sense. I know I have goals to work toward as I transition out of contest prep, and since I thrive on having structure, it works well for me.

So, I'm officially at 5 weeks out. I can count the weeks left on one hand...yikes! I was 130.6 this morning, which is only one pound down from last week. But that's ok because I'm clearly tightening up. I actually think (hope???) that I'll be a couple pounds heavier than my original goal of 120. Either way, it's ultimately irrelevant because I'll still fall right into the middle of the middles:D

I had a good talk with Sean about where I'm at and what the plan will (sort of) be for the next several weeks. He's happy with the way things have been going and feels that I'm right where I need to be. It looks like I'll be heading down to LI in a couple of weeks so that he can see what I look like in person and run me through some serious posing. We both know that, even though I practice regularly on my own, there's nothing like having someone run you through the mandatories and force you to hold them and make little tweaks to the poses.

I've gotten a little away from talking about my training lately because I've been so wrapped up in the head game of this sport. But my training, for being 5 weeks out, is really still going pretty well overall. Despite struggling to keep my strength up during some of my workouts, it's still about 90% there, which I'm very happy about. In the past, usually by about halfway through the diet, my strength really tanks, and my workouts turn into a pathetic attempt to just drag myself through them. That's not really the case this year....at least not yet anyway. I'm hoping that this change will reflect positively in my physique, too. Logically, it would, but then again, what the fuck is really logical about anything in this sport?

[Melissa]

In case I haven't acquired enough evidence to demonstrate that I'm completely nuts (I work in the criminal justice system, so it's always about having enough of the right kind of evidence lol), I now have another little nugget of proof. I actually asked to have my cheat meal pulled after this past weekend. Here's my reasoning....MY ASS IS STILL FAT! Ok, well, it's not that it's fat, per se, but my glutes and hams are being a bunch of stubborn-ass mother fuckers. That would be the scientific terminology, of course. I know I've said it a thousand times before, and I'm going to say it another million times over the next four and a half weeks....I realize they are always the last to come in, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

Anyway, I had other reasons for requesting the cheat meal be pulled, too. For some reason, this year, the cheat meal was really messing with my head. And I'm talking crazy head games here. In the past, I would plan the cheat meal a day or two in advance, get really excited about it that day, eat it, and then be done with it. Well, not this year. It seems like this year, I would spend much more time than usual planning it. I'd actually lose sleep the night before it in anticipation of the meal. And then the worst part about it was the guilt I'd put myself through for the next several days after it. I never did anything I shouldn't have with a cheat meal and never really went overboard (even though I was always afraid that I did). In fact, I think just about every week I would send Sean an "I fucked up with my cheat meal" email. He probably just started deleting them eventually without even reading them. I don't know why, but I just couldn't seem to handle it mentally this year. It was so weird. Talk about disordered eating....who actually decides they don't want a cheat meal? So, I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I figured, I'm at a point where it would probably be more beneificial to take it out altogether or replace it with some more experimental "carb ups." I'm not sure what we're going to do about it this weekend, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

All I know is that I am hungry....literally and figuratively. I will do whatever I need to do to bring my best look to the stage this year. I'm still pretty far towards the bottom, so really, the only place for me to go is up.

[Big Sky Guy]

Environmental enforcement here.

Work around attorneys all the time and how you say what you say always matters. So, re-packaging the cheat meal to a carb-up can alter how we perceive and therefore react to the information in the statement. Let us know how it goes for you.

I am just an enviro-cop who loves a donut on Monday morning! Good luck bringing your best in a couple weeks!

[Suzanne]

I am the opposite I have been harassing Jeremy to give me burgers again. I dont' have weekly cheats. Dropped 3lbs the week I ahd the burgers so I want MORE! :yep: Rumor has it i get them Saturday!!!

You've been losing every week so I wouldn't let the cheat meals fuck with your head

[Melissa]

Environmental enforcement here.

Work around attorneys all the time and how you say what you say always matters. So, re-packaging the cheat meal to a carb-up can alter how we perceive and therefore react to the information in the statement. Let us know how it goes for you.

I am just an enviro-cop who loves a donut on Monday morning! Good luck bringing your best in a couple weeks!

LOL, thank you!


I am the opposite I have been harassing Jeremy to give me burgers again. I dont' have weekly cheats. Dropped 3lbs the week I ahd the burgers so I want MORE! :yep: Rumor has it i get them Saturday!!!

You've been losing every week so I wouldn't let the cheat meals fuck with your head

It always amazes me how peoples' bodies respond so differently to things. I hope you get your burgers again this week! I have been losing each week, but it's going to take an extra kick to get my lower body where I want it. So, that means no cheat meal this week. We're actually experimenting again with carbs/fats....so it will be interesting to see what happens.

[Melissa]

Well, it's been a rough couple of days. I'm hoping someone got the license plate of the truck that ran me over. As I write this, it's 7:45am, and I've literally been up for 5 hours already. Yeah, since about 2:30 this morning. And that was the third time I woke up during the night and finally just couldn't get back to sleep. The past two days have been the first time all prep where sleep seemed to evade me, and it's most definitely the diet that's responsible. Two nights ago, my stomach grumbled so loudly in the middle of the night that it actually woke me up and had me wondering what the noise was. Of course, it didn't take long to realize that I was STARVING! lol

So, now with the lack of sleep, I'm really having a tough time with recovery, and am hoping to, once again, use this weekend to catch up on sleep. I forgot if I mentioned it, but my cardio went up to 2 hours/day this week, with no changes to my diet. The "extra" food that my diet has afforded me this year has been great for keeping my training sessions going strong, but that seemed to make a drastic change this week, as I really struggled through my last two workouts. Not to mention that I must be some sight to see on the treadmill in the mornings with the bags under my eyes, hair all a mess, baggy sweatpants/sweatshirt, just trudging along trying not to fall off.

I know I complain, and I know that this sport can really bring me down sometimes, but I can't reiterate enough that the sense of accomplishment I get from it, especially being able to set and reach my goals, is what draws me back time and again. So, it's always in the back of my head, that while I'm feeling crappy like this and run down, the taste of reaching my goals is so much sweeter....and I have one MAJOR sweet tooth.

[Gaoshang Xiongshou]

Well, it's been a rough couple of days. I'm hoping someone got the license plate of the truck that ran me over. As I write this, it's 7:45am, and I've literally been up for 5 hours already. Yeah, since about 2:30 this morning. And that was the third time I woke up during the night and finally just couldn't get back to sleep. The past two days have been the first time all prep where sleep seemed to evade me, and it's most definitely the diet that's responsible. Two nights ago, my stomach grumbled so loudly in the middle of the night that it actually woke me up and had me wondering what the noise was. Of course, it didn't take long to realize that I was STARVING! lol

So, now with the lack of sleep, I'm really having a tough time with recovery, and am hoping to, once again, use this weekend to catch up on sleep. I forgot if I mentioned it, but my cardio went up to 2 hours/day this week, with no changes to my diet. The "extra" food that my diet has afforded me this year has been great for keeping my training sessions going strong, but that seemed to make a drastic change this week, as I really struggled through my last two workouts. Not to mention that I must be some sight to see on the treadmill in the mornings with the bags under my eyes, hair all a mess, baggy sweatpants/sweatshirt, just trudging along trying not to fall off.

I know I complain, and I know that this sport can really bring me down sometimes, but I can't reiterate enough that the sense of accomplishment I get from it, especially being able to set and reach my goals, is what draws me back time and again. So, it's always in the back of my head, that while I'm feeling crappy like this and run down, the taste of reaching my goals is so much sweeter....and I have one MAJOR sweet tooth.


Do what you have to do. Sometimes, getting it off of your chest is just enough of a release to help you get through it. That is what we are here for, to help each other through this thing that we do. So, if you have to... keep it coming. You know you are not here alone.



... So, it's always in the back of my head, that while I'm feeling crappy like this and run down, the taste of reaching my goals is so much sweeter....and I have one MAJOR sweet tooth.


:yep: This is the way. If it TRULY means anything to anyone, this is how they will always see it.

[Melissa]

Thanks, Brandon! Believe me, I am not overly concerned about offending anyone lol. I'm sure if people find me offensive or whiney, they can just as easily not read my journal. I try to write from a very truthful place, exactly how I'm feeling at that moment. I see no point in pretending like I'm cheery if I'm feeling like poo. Like you said, I've made this my place to vent both good and bad. It's definitely nice to know I'm not alone, and no matter what anyone says or thinks, the support is always appreciated.:hugme:

[sassy69]

I can relate on the sleep - my CNS is tweaked out enough right now that I didn't sleep at all last night, and went to bed at 11 pm. I had fullly planned to just use Benedryl every night until my show so I can sleep - but it was later than I expected and hadnt' taken it yet. I also am trying to balance taking it too late in the night and then having problems getting up for AM cardio. So I was already wiped out and thought I could pass out easily. Nope. Stared at the ceiling all nite and never did get my brain to settle down.

RE: getting hungry in the middle of the night - from my own experience, I feel its more important to eat something (even if its not scheduled on your diet) and be able to sleep, than to suffer thru it and get no sleep. No sleep sets me back further and further, and I also find I retain water when I don't sleep well. JMHO. Go eat something and don't think twice about it. A little bit of PB or cottage cheese or a hunk of chicken - something to make it thru the nite.

In terms of whining- look - this is a personal journey for every person who takes on the challenge of contest prep. It strips you down to the most fundamental components of who we are - our moods, our behavior management, our response to stress and trying to maintain a consistency and structure across several months, while still meeting our "real life" obligations. I've found trainnig logs to be a great outlet for just offgassing as well as tooting your horn on the little wins. Use it for what it is for. Anyone who begrudges you any of your emotions, feelings, statements or ways handling them has either never gone that far themselves (e.g. armchair quarterbacks) or has gone thru it and either has conveniently forgotten those stressed moments or just wont' admit to them. Show me one person who competes who hasnt' been reduced to tears waiting for 3 oz of potato to finish cooking or realizing you forgot something in your car coming back from the gym at 10 pm and barely have the energy to go back out and get it.

[Suzanne]

I use the ALRI lean dreams and sleep well even tho up peeing 4-5 times

My last meal is shortly before bed so starving doesn't keep me form sleeping

And whining, shit my journal's full of it. :)

[Melissa]

Sass, you're absolutely right about how contest prep strips you down to the basics as far as your emotions and ability to handle things go. You only have so much energy, and very little of that energy can be wasted on defense mechanisms. Twice this week, I actually cried while I was training....not because I was sad or upset about anything but out of sheer exhaustion. I also hold a shitload of water when I don't get a lot of sleep. But I'm not worried about holding water now, since it's pretty irrelevant until the actual day of the show. BTW, I didn't know you were getting ready for something this year....what show are you prepping for?

Suzanne, I used Somalyze before bed, and that puts me to sleep. Unfortunately, when I wake up to pee, it's like my brain never shut off because it starts going 100mph and the next thing I know, I'm well aware that I'm starving. Eh, it comes with the territory, and if that's what it takes to get a tight ass and hamstrings, then Imma do it (and whine about it in the process lol).

[Ibarramedia]

Good luck Melissa. You will do well. :)

[Melissa]

Good luck Melissa. You will do well. :)

Thank you! I sure hope so:)

Well, another week down, and I'm officially 4 weeks out from Easterns and 5 from Nationals. I lost two pounds this week and am now down to 128.4....looks like my prediction of 120 on stage will be right on the money. Damn, I'm good.

Yesterday, we experimented with a different method of carbing me up by using a little less carbs and protein and a little more fat. That did not seem to work too well for me, both as far as how I looked and felt. It wasn't horrible by any means and still would get the job done, but it wasn't nearly as effective as what we tried with the first experiment. I really love that we're able to do these trial runs because I'm learning a lot about my body that I never had any idea about. Specifically what carbs work better for me and what fats don't work so great for me. In the past, when I worked with Dave, he always fat loaded me and used no carbs (except for my hamburger/fries meal after prejudging). I always looked good, but after doing some of these experiments, I realize that something was missing (duh, some carbs). To be honest, I think the reason I looked still looked good was because I always came in in shape, but I lacked that sort of "pop," if that makes any sense. I mean, I realize, how much can a 5'3, 115 pound lightweight actually "pop"? But there was just that something I couldn't put my finger on. I think that we're starting to find it, though, which is pretty exciting.

I'm now up to two hours and 10 minutes of cardio, and I'm sure that anyone who's reading that is going, "seriously, wtf?" But it's working for me. My calories are still the same as they've been for the past several weeks, so the higher cals and more cardio seems to be doing me good. Do I like to do all that cardio? Nope. But I sure as hell like what it's doing for my physique. So while I'm sure people are wondering why I'm doing all that cardio when I'm still this far out, come to NYC on October 9th or Atlanta the following weekend, and I'll show you;)

[Suzanne]

Isn't it amazing how the body works and how you have to experiment and find what works best for you. this whole bbing is just a process of learning and improving

I am 2 hrs It also works for me but we got there much later this prep and food is higher

5 weeks!!!!!! I am also doing a show the week before (as ong as the $ is there) in OKC so 4 weeks but we aren't doing anything for that one just tanning and getting up there. run through my routines with an audience and have fun

[Wolfpack]

5 weeks!!!!!! I am also doing a show the week before (as ong as the $ is there) in OKC so 4 weeks but we aren't doing anything for that one just tanning and getting up there. run through my routines with an audience and have fun

Why would you do anything less than a national level show? You're already qualified and a legitimate national level competitor.

[Suzanne]

Why would you do anything less than a national level show? You're already qualified and a legitimate national level competitor.

Thanks! I will be in OKC anyway 10 day before we leave for Nationals. The main reason is to perform my new routine with an audience and refine posing and see if any changes need to be made with posing or transitions for Nationals. I need to be sure I present my physique the very best I can. Posing routines are not my forte. If for some reason i don't place top 5 (altho i plan on winning!! ;) Gotta go in with confidence) won't be qualified for 2011.

[Melissa]

Well, damn, talk about flipping the script. After really struggling through last week's workouts, we decided that it was time to revamp my training to accomodate where I'm at with my diet as far as energy levels, strength, and recovery ability. It's safe to say at this point, so far, so good! I just finished the revamped back workout, and it accomplished exactly what we needed it to. Lately, I haven't been "feeling" the workouts much, just sort of going through the motions, but tonight, I was able to regain that connection with the weights. And I'm going to be one sore chick tomorrow:yep:.

This change also allows me to focus less on the weight I'm trying to move and more on getting that oh-so-important connection with the weights. Sometimes, I get so caught up in trying to beat my numbers in my log book that the workouts wind up losing their effectiveness. But now, I have nothing to really refer back to, since it's all new workouts, so by default, I have to go by feel.

Even more important for me is the mental aspect. What can I say, I'm a mental person, and I need mental assistance and support:p Just the fact that I have to think a little more about the new workouts is enough to spark my intensity again, which is MUCH needed at this point. Unfortunately tonight, my training partner wanted to rehash the MTV VMA's from last night. I'm like, "listen here, spanky, I would love nothing more than to rehash last night's award show and Lady Gaga's "meat purse," but I'm running low on glycogen stores, and I've got a back workout and 50 minutes of treadmill-ing to do. So let's save the Katy Perry-loving comments for later, thankyouverymuch." Damn, it's a good thing he's so patient with me because I can be one cranky, militant biatch sometimes. But since he's the best, he just shakes his head at me, pops in his headphones, and just ignores me....very smart man right there.

[Melissa]

I honestly don't think I have anything good to write tonight other than to just blabber on about nothing for a bit. I am getting increasingly more excited about the shows, and it's certainly sparked some renewed motiviation to just plow through these next 3 and 4 weeks and hammer away at my workouts. The long days are really starting to wear me down mentally and physically, and to be honest, despite my best efforts to keep myself together, I seem to have almost daily freak outs. It's usually the result of just burning the candles at both ends, and the primary source of the stress comes from my job. It's funny because I'm not actually sad about anything, but I usually wind up in tears. I guess it goes back to Sassy's comment about how dieting can just strip you down to your bare essentials leaving you with little to no defense mechanisms. Unfortunately for me, my job requires strong defense mechanisms and setting of boundaries. And I have made my fair share of borderline unprofessional comments to some of my defendants lately, something I'm not overly proud of.

I'm trying to keep it together, but I feel as though I'm being pulled in 1,000 different directions. Things that I would normally be able to deal with with a level head are flipping my world upside down. Like today, for example....I was subpoenaed to testify in court on a matter that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I deal only with criminal court matters, and this was a family court matter. Not only did it waste 3 hours of my day, but I was completely ripped to shreds in the courtroom by the attorney for my probationer. He did all but tell me that I'm a piece of shit who doesn't know how to do my job. Now, this is nothing new for me, as that's what a defense attorney's job is in criminal court....to discredit you as a PO and make their client look good. I've experienced that many times. Unfortunately, at three weeks out from a show when I'm hungry, tired, late for a meal, and will subsequently be late to the gym, it makes it a much tougher pill to swallow. And therefore a meltdown ensues. I was literally on the floor in my apartment in tears from the day contemplating not even bothering to go to the gym....just pop my somalyze and just go to bed. But I managed to actually pull myself together and have a surprisingly decent hamstring workout.

One thing I think I'll always struggle with is balance. It's very easy for me to let one thing take over my thoughts/emotions and just wreak havoc. If it's not contest prep, it's my job. If it's not my job, it's my family. Everyone has their own struggles, and when you accomplish your goals despite these struggles (and not in spite of them), it makes the end result that much more meaningful. Which is exactly why I still cannot wait to get back on stage.

[stephaniewicked]

Damn, girl... :( I can't handle any additional stress when I'm prepping... and I especially can't handle my co-workers taking shots at me because I can't eat "normal food", but I certainly can NOT imagine being told what a POS I am. I would definitely lose it for sure! You have every right to feel the way you do...

The good news is that it's almost showtime!!! On a more positive note, how's the routine? Got your suits?

Oh yeah, and someone has a BIRTHDAY coming up Nationals weekend!!! :hmn:

[Suzanne]

Hope you have a relaxing weekend!

[sassy69]

That's a boatload of stuff to deal w/. I've been able to line up getting to the Olympia, taking a day off, giving notice at my current job, doing my show, visiting family and then starting a new job. Things just fell into place at the last minute, so I'm very happy. But just generally, I'm exhausted, but have a hard time sleeping. No energy, my stomach won't settle down, but I'm ok as long as I just stay at my desk and don't walk around. I have no idea where I'm going to get energy to hit the gym, and then this weekend I have to get a whole bunch of stuff in place before the O, and my show the following weekend. I'm excited, but honestly, I'll be so flippin' happy when that show is over. I'll get a day to just sit, and then head back to the midwest to visit family for a week.

Just keep your eye on the prize and remember that every time you start to feel a crazy emotion coming over you, its not you. Its just your body dealing w/ the stresses it perceives. And be good to yourself - I think its fair to ask family to relax a bit and not pressure you in the final weeks. Probably hard to do at work, but create reliable "relaxation zones" for yourself so you have a place to go or a time to set aside to just unload for a minute. This is about the most stressful sport you could pick to pursue. I find it fascinating that we all feel the couple minutes on stage is worth it all.

[Melissa]

Damn, girl... :( I can't handle any additional stress when I'm prepping... and I especially can't handle my co-workers taking shots at me because I can't eat "normal food", but I certainly can NOT imagine being told what a POS I am. I would definitely lose it for sure! You have every right to feel the way you do...

The good news is that it's almost showtime!!! On a more positive note, how's the routine? Got your suits?

Oh yeah, and someone has a BIRTHDAY coming up Nationals weekend!!! :hmn:

I am also guilty of letting what goes on at my job get to me more than it should. I have a very difficult time separating myself from my work in a lot of ways. It's hard for me to leave work at work most of the time.

As for my routine, I've been practicing and adding my own little tweaks and personality to it, and I'm liking it more and more. I really enjoy performing, which is pretty contrary to my personality in general because I don't usually like to be the center of attention. And my suit? Pffffft, I had that picked out and ordered months ago!! lol I'm renting one of Tamee Marie's suits. I find that's the most budget-friendly way for me to do it because I like to wear a new blingy suit every year, and I can't afford to buy a new one every year.

Ooooh, my birthday!!! I usually hate birthdays, and you'd think I'd really hate this one because it's the big 3-0. But I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to be on a bit of a vacation. I'll be competing with good friends. I mean, what's not to love about that? Speaking of which, did you figure out if you can swing the trip down there? I know you're going to be just coming back from vacation around then...


Hope you have a relaxing weekend!

Thanks! Jillian and I are actually heading to Long Island tomorrow to train at Bev's, and then I'm going to meet with Sean so that he can take a look at me in person since he's only seen my progress via pictures all prep. Plus, we're going to work a bit on my posing. BTW, the pics you posted in your journal are sick! We're going to be in the same weight class, and I sure as HELL am not posting my progress pics up now lol. Actually, I'll be happy to just break the top 10 at Nationals. But I'm hoping for that pro card for you....you're looking amazing, girl!


That's a boatload of stuff to deal w/. I've been able to line up getting to the Olympia, taking a day off, giving notice at my current job, doing my show, visiting family and then starting a new job. Things just fell into place at the last minute, so I'm very happy. But just generally, I'm exhausted, but have a hard time sleeping. No energy, my stomach won't settle down, but I'm ok as long as I just stay at my desk and don't walk around. I have no idea where I'm going to get energy to hit the gym, and then this weekend I have to get a whole bunch of stuff in place before the O, and my show the following weekend. I'm excited, but honestly, I'll be so flippin' happy when that show is over. I'll get a day to just sit, and then head back to the midwest to visit family for a week.

Just keep your eye on the prize and remember that every time you start to feel a crazy emotion coming over you, its not you. Its just your body dealing w/ the stresses it perceives. And be good to yourself - I think its fair to ask family to relax a bit and not pressure you in the final weeks. Probably hard to do at work, but create reliable "relaxation zones" for yourself so you have a place to go or a time to set aside to just unload for a minute. This is about the most stressful sport you could pick to pursue. I find it fascinating that we all feel the couple minutes on stage is worth it all.

Holy hell, Sass! That's a whole lot of craziness right there. And I could never travel the week before a show, even if it was for the O. I'm so regimented and scheduled, and I would probably not even enjoy the trip. So more power to you for making it work. I really wish I could do that.

It's funny, from a contest prep perspective, I have really enjoyed every step of this prep. But this year, my job has really infringed on that more than I would have liked. And that's mostly my fault for letting that happen, but like I said to before, I have a hard time not letting my job flip me upside down. My friends and family have been freaking fantastic. They are sooo supportive and understanding. Sure, they bust my chops once in a while, but they know when to stop. And they're also understanding when I go MIA for days at a time because they know that I just need some time to chill. I'm really so lucky in that sense. Good luck with getting everything together for next weekend, and I hope you have a blast!!! I'll, of course, be watching from the computer:p

[sassy69]

Holy hell, Sass! That's a whole lot of craziness right there. And I could never travel the week before a show, even if it was for the O. I'm so regimented and scheduled, and I would probably not even enjoy the trip. So more power to you for making it work. I really wish I could do that.

It's funny, from a contest prep perspective, I have really enjoyed every step of this prep. But this year, my job has really infringed on that more than I would have liked. And that's mostly my fault for letting that happen, but like I said to before, I have a hard time not letting my job flip me upside down. My friends and family have been freaking fantastic. They are sooo supportive and understanding. Sure, they bust my chops once in a while, but they know when to stop. And they're also understanding when I go MIA for days at a time because they know that I just need some time to chill. I'm really so lucky in that sense. Good luck with getting everything together for next weekend, and I hope you have a blast!!! I'll, of course, be watching from the computer:p


I agree it is always dicey traveling that close to show time. But I'm w/ friends who are also in prep so we'll have a hotel w/ a kitchen. I've got some shoots so posing always helps conditioning, and who can pass up a trip to the Vegas Gold's to train? Its events like this that make the whole year for me. Otherwise I've sort of spent the whole year hunkered down at my desk, hitting the gym & just biding my time for show time. Its hard for me to keep that regimented for that long w/o some sort of release. And this is honestly the only time I get to see any of the people I talk to dailly about this stuff. There's a handful of meatheads at my gym, but that's about it for actual people in my life.

And yes -- all of this hinges on how busy my job is. This year it has not been busy. I expect it to become crazy after Oct 13, tho.

[Melissa]

Weight this morning was down another pound to 127.4. I did some comparing to last year at 3 weeks out, and I'm nearly 8 pounds heavier with about the same conditioning. I'm also much fuller with better shape this year than last year. I actually LOOK like a bodybuilder this year.

Today, I took a little road trip with Jillian down to Bev's on Long Island where we trained, and then I met with Sean to go over my posing and have him get a real-life look at me. It's always so reassuring to hear your coach say that they're happy with your progress and are confident in what the final product should be. He calmed my fears a bit about the conditioning in my glutes/hams, but he made it clear that it's time to make drastic changes and really suffer. I say....whatever, I can do anything for three weeks, so let's do it to it!:excited:

It was also really nice to have some girl time and just get outta dodge for a few hours. For once, I wasn't stressed or thinking about work or rushing to get to this place or do that chore. It was definitely some much needed mental rest for me. I feel a little more mentally prepared to take on the next three weeks. Holy fuck....THREE WEEKS!!! I keep saying that, but it's not really sinking in that it's almost go time.....time to put my money where my mouth is and see if I can really bring the improved package that I said I would. At this point, I really think that I will be able to follow through on that (of course, that sentiment seems to change from hour to hour these days:dunno:).

[Suzanne]

8lb heavier with same conditioning is GREAT!!!! :yep:

[Melissa]

8lb heavier with same conditioning is GREAT!!!! :yep:

Hell yeah...I'm really happy with that!!!

Ok, so some drastic changes have been made this week and will probably put me into hiding for awhile for my safety and the safety of those around me. Cardio was jacked up to two and a half hours a day and my food portions were cut significantly, along with taking out some fats. This is the first diet change that I've had in six weeks, so I can't really complain too much. There's no denying that it's just going to downright suck, but I think I'm at a point where I'm nice and tight and just need to take things to that next level to really bring out the detail.

And this morning, I made a promise to myself that I will not let my job do to me in the next four weeks what it has done to me in the past three. I have worked way too hard to let it interfere with my enjoyment in all of this. As far as prep goes, this has been the smoothest sailing I've ever had. I can't wait to get back on stage, and I'm not about to let my job ruin that for me. I have a great month of October planned with my shows and my birthday coming up, and I refuse to let stress from my job take away from that.

So, for now, it's off to finish my final hour of cardio:hypno:

[stephaniewicked]

Yikes... good thing you're in the final stretch. Allllllmost there mama!!

No I decided I can't go to Nats, as much as I would love to. :( Finances are too tight, plus I'm already going to be away that week... if I want a chance in hell at competing next year, I have to save as many pennies as I can right now... so going to ATL just wouldn't be a smart move.

I'll be glued to Rx following the coverage though!! :yep:

[The Prodigy]

I hope you are hanging in there! Can't wait to meet you at Nationals!!

[Suzanne]

So close!!!

this is the very best part of prep where there are almost daily changes

See you soon!

[Melissa]

Thanks, girls!! Steph, I'm sorry you won't be there, but I've really appreciated all your support through my offseaon and now through prep:hugme:. I hope you enjoy your vacation....I know you sure deserve it.

Gail, I can't wait to meet you either! Will you be working the Species booth?


Suzanne, girl, I'm READY!!! I love seeing the daily changes, except the fact that my face is starting to look a little Skeletor-ish lol....I know that means I'm getting in shape though. Like you said, nothing left to do now but get shredded!!

[Wetdawg]

Hey Melissa,
I read through your last few posts and have the need to comment.
I have total respect for the job you are doing. I could not sit and let anyone talk bad about what I do without jumping on them (No even in court as you do). I have enough trouble keeping cool with the work I do. Thank God its all indirect (Phone and radio) communication and I vent on the side.
I am not prepping for any shows, but I run the same diets to keep my body fat down. Somedays it feels like no one understands what you are doing but you. Other times it feels like I don't understand why I'm doing it either. I talk myself into doing a workout now, more than I talk myself out of doing a workout.
Your a little freaked about your next birthday and turning 30. I know this feeling also, my next is 50. I don't remember my 30th. Time comes for us all.
Stick with it, your almost there. A few weeks left and it will pay you back double.
If you hear someone yell really loud when you come on stage in Atlanta, That be me!
Keep pushing, keep focused.
WD

[Melissa]

Thank you for the support, WD, I really appreciate it!!

Changes are happening, and they're coming quick. I was 125.6 this morning, which is down 2 lbs from Saturday. Usually, early morning (as in 4:30am early) don't yield very good or accurate results for me because I don't get much sleep during the week. And lack of sleep makes me hold water, no bueno. So, anyway, I can see dratic changes too....in other words, my hams are coming in finally!:jump:

[Suzanne]

Thank you for the support, WD, I really appreciate it!!

Changes are happening, and they're coming quick. I was 125.6 this morning, which is down 2 lbs from Saturday. Usually, early morning (as in 4:30am early) don't yield very good or accurate results for me because I don't get much sleep during the week. And lack of sleep makes me hold water, no bueno. So, anyway, I can see dratic changes too....in other words, my hams are coming in finally!:jump:

yay!!!

[tammyp]

yey! mel your looking outstanding.....trust me:)

[NPCfigure]

Thank you for the support, WD, I really appreciate it!!

Changes are happening, and they're coming quick. I was 125.6 this morning, which is down 2 lbs from Saturday. Usually, early morning (as in 4:30am early) don't yield very good or accurate results for me because I don't get much sleep during the week. And lack of sleep makes me hold water, no bueno. So, anyway, I can see dratic changes too....in other words, my hams are coming in finally!:jump:
Yayyyy you!! Almost there!! Whoo Hoo!! I saw PJ today. He LOVED my suit and suit color..said I looked great! He seems very pleased. Right now I am sitting about 11lbs heavier then I was at the Metro in April. PJ said I am much more full, which is a nicer look on me. (I also appear to have more muscle being full) I think I got that right, right P? lol!! Almost girl! Home stretch!!!!!:hmn:

[Melissa]

yey! mel your looking outstanding.....trust me:)

Thanks, Tam!! Your feedback means a lot, girl!


Yayyyy you!! Almost there!! Whoo Hoo!! I saw PJ today. He LOVED my suit and suit color..said I looked great! He seems very pleased. Right now I am sitting about 11lbs heavier then I was at the Metro in April. PJ said I am much more full, which is a nicer look on me. (I also appear to have more muscle being full) I think I got that right, right P? lol!! Almost girl! Home stretch!!!!!:hmn:

Jiiiiiiiiill!!! I didn't know you were hanging out in here...sweet! Isn't it the best feeling when your coach is happy with your progress? It always seems to validate everything. And your suit is gorgeous....I just love Tamee's work. She made my suits this year and last year, too. I know you're gonna do great next week....just from your fb pictures, I think you look better than you did at the Met This last week is gonna fly....all your hard work is done, just put it in autopilot and cruise into the show:hugme:

[NPCfigure]

Thanks, Tam!! Your feedback means a lot, girl!



Jiiiiiiiiill!!! I didn't know you were hanging out in here...sweet! Isn't it the best feeling when your coach is happy with your progress? It always seems to validate everything. And your suit is gorgeous....I just love Tamee's work. She made my suits this year and last year, too. I know you're gonna do great next week....just from your fb pictures, I think you look better than you did at the Met This last week is gonna fly....all your hard work is done, just put it in autopilot and cruise into the show:hugme:


LOL!!! Im always around somewhere ;) ................Tamee suits ARE beautiful. I just sold my suit Tamee made me last year to Ali Frahn. It looks amazing on her!! But my new suit?? Tamee out did herself! Just bought my peanut butter brownies to bake on Thur. Jillian is coming on Fri, so I want to bake them before she gets here so she doesnt have to see or smell them :) Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! I am currently sitting about 10lbs heavier then I was for the Metro. I look just as conditioned, just a bit softer and fuller, which PJ said will make me appear "bigger" on stage! I am soooo excited! Especially after seeing the O pictures! I am going to see if I can get the day off from work to see you at Easterns! You WILL Rock that stage as well as that national stage! And about co workers and food...I sure know that feeling. Tues my partner told me about "the best dessert" she had, as she showed it to me by putting it under my nose, then ate it saying how good it was..."but too sweet" so she threw it out. I swear I never wanted to be a garbage picker in my whole life!! :confused::drool:

[Melissa]

Yup, I'm officially brain dead. I think this past week of the lowered calories and jacked up cardio have wiped out my final brain cells. I feel like it's too much energy to even laugh at this point. I've also lost all ability to objectively discuss what I look like with anyone. Hell, I've lost all ability to even LOOK at myself with any objectivity. So basically, I can't even come in here and say if I'm happy or not with how I look because, well, I just don't even know. This is when having a good coach is so crucial. I give tons of props to people who do their own diets. There's no way in hell I ever could.

Despite being brain dead, I did make some serious progress this week. I was down 3 pounds to 124.8, and you could really see it in my face. I'm approaching that Skeletor look that I love oh so much:no: Or as one person in particular likes to make the comparison that I look like the guy from Beetlejuice with the small head and big body...neato. I'm hoping that I can lose another 2 pounds this week, and I'll be able to literally cruise through the final week.

I got my suit this week from Tamee, and let me tell you, she is just the shizzzzat:yep: I love the suit! As usual, I pulled it out of the bag and looked at the bottoms and thought, "there's no fucking way my ass is going to fit into that thing." I actually started to freak out thinking that I had underestimated how big I'd be, and I was going to wind up with a suit that was too small. So I literally ran home during lunch to try it on. Of course, it didn't really fit then, but it fit well enough to reassure me that it'll actually fit on the day of the show, which is all that matters.

Oh, and for the record, I did a very good job last week of not letting my job mess with my head. Hopefully I can keep that trend going for the next three weeks!

[Melissa]

Fuck me.....today is one of those days where I just want to crawl out of my own skin. I'm so antsy that no matter what I do to try and keep myself occupied, I find myself wanting to be anywhere else doing anything else. I always get like this the closer I get to a show, so I know it's only going to get worse over the next two weeks. It's a whole new level of crazy, peeps.

[Suzanne]

Almost there! See you soon
:hmn:

[Melissa]

Almost there! See you soon
:hmn:

Almost!! I can't wait!:hmn:

Ok, so I finally have some time to come in here and update. I've been literally hibernating all week and doing the bare minimum to get through my days. I have definitely been struggling this past week. And it's just sheer exhaustion. People at work keep telling me to "cheer up." I'm like, I'm not unhappy, just beyond exhausted....that's part of this gig.

I've been trying to maintain a level head about my progress, too, which has been tough this week. Overall, I have felt very positive and confident through this prep, and then all of a sudden, this week, was like BAM! Questioning and second guessing everything. I think I've got myself pulled together now, though. My weight had gone up after the two "refueling" meals I was given this weekend, and I was completely freaking out. I was also having some major digestive issues that were brought on by it....apparently I don't digest oatmeal well when my body's not used to eating it:( But my stomach was finally feeling better by yesterday, and my weight was back down by this morning to 123.6. So I figure it'll be about the same for tomorrow morning's real weigh-in.

With one week to go, I've also done a lot of reflecting on the importance of the support I've gotten through this prep. My friends have been so so so understanding and supportive, more than I have ever realized in the past. And it has made this year's journey so much more enjoyable. I try to express to them as often as I can how much I appreciate what they do for me and what they put up with sometimes. And it's come in different forms of support. From my training partner just being there day in and day out listening to my ramblings about how I feel about things with prep and just in general. To my girls who had to talk me off the ledge a couple of times when things went a little awry a few weeks ago. To my "pseudo parents" who let me just come to their house and sit on their couch like a zombie just so I don't have to do it by myself. To the people at the gym who are actually counting down the weeks and days with me and are going to drive to NYC to come see me compete. I mean, really, I couldn't ask for much more than what all those people have done for me. So, while I sit here at work (pretending to look like I'm being productive), all tired and hungry, I hope all those people know that they have helped motivate me to this point in one way or another so far.

T-minus one week...time to finish climbing this mountain:yep:

[Melissa]

Guess who was WRONG about what their weight would be this week? Stepped on the scale yesterday morning expecting about 123 or 122.5. Nope. 121.6! wtf? I lost 3 pounds this past week, and I don't know how the hell that happened. This late in the game, my body tends to become very stubborn (as I'm sure plenty of people's do), so I never thought I'd drop another 3 pounds. I swear, this shit never ceases to amaze me. So, for the first time in the 5 years that I've been competing, I had a cheat meal one week out from my show. It was only a burger and fries, but still. And while I really enjoyed how it tasted last night, I'm hoping beyond all hope that it doesn't start to fuck with my head in a couple of days. Usually I don't weigh myself after a cheat meal because that's just asking for a suicide mission, but I did this morning. And it looks like the cheat meal did it's job....I'm fuller and back up to 123.4. Right where I need to be just a few days out. This is most definitely a very positive way for me to start this final week heading into Easterns (though that could quickly change when the alarm clock starts blaring at 4:30am tomorrow and I have to trudge through pouring rain to go to the gym for cardio lol). Either way, I'm just trying to keep my head screwed on straight for the rest of the week.:yep:

[2hot4u]

Melissa, I cant wait to see how you look at the easterns!!! I am sure you are looking amazing!!! Good luck with your final prep countdown and i hope to see you at the arnold classic!! :hmn:

[johnnylax]

as much as we try, sometimes we just cannot dictate how our bodies work and what our metabolism might do. i've chowed down on 20+ ounces of burger on a saturday night, just cringing at all the cardio i'll have to do when i wake up, and then, gotten up and weighed less than when i went to sleep. maybe your mini weight loss is 'latent', it took a day or two to catch up and your metab just worked away while you thought you were a lb or two more. i don't know. we can try....but the human body is just a work of art inside and out and sometimes we can't control what it does! you know that, geez, i'm preachin' to the choir. also......lol, wonderin' where, around here, you went for your burger! hell, if you're gonna cheat, gotta make it count.

[The Prodigy]

Keep on truckin girlie! Almost there!!

[Melissa]

Melissa, I cant wait to see how you look at the easterns!!! I am sure you are looking amazing!!! Good luck with your final prep countdown and i hope to see you at the arnold classic!! :hmn:

Thanks, Lisa! :hugme: You know I'll be at the AC!!


as much as we try, sometimes we just cannot dictate how our bodies work and what our metabolism might do. i've chowed down on 20+ ounces of burger on a saturday night, just cringing at all the cardio i'll have to do when i wake up, and then, gotten up and weighed less than when i went to sleep. maybe your mini weight loss is 'latent', it took a day or two to catch up and your metab just worked away while you thought you were a lb or two more. i don't know. we can try....but the human body is just a work of art inside and out and sometimes we can't control what it does! you know that, geez, i'm preachin' to the choir. also......lol, wonderin' where, around here, you went for your burger! hell, if you're gonna cheat, gotta make it count.

This is true....at this point, any burger would taste good. I was instructed to specifically get a McDonald's angus burger.


Keep on truckin girlie! Almost there!!

Thanks, Gail! I can't wait to see you in just over a week...ATL here we come!:hugme:

Ok, I'm alive (sort of) and hanging in. It's been a really tough week, and when things get tough for me, I cut everything out besides the bare necessities...work, training, eating, sleeping. But I'm here, and I'm happy with where I'm at for two days out. I'm trying to keep my head screwed on straight, because now, more than any time, is when your head can affect how you look. I'm getting excited to finally get back on stage because I truly love to be there. I've tried to set myself up for the next two days to have things as easy going and stress-free as possible, and I need to stop trying to find stuff to stress about lol. This'll probably be my last post until after the show, and I really want to thank everyone so much that's followed along and supported me. It means a lot and is so helpful on those days when you wonder why the fuck we do this crazy sport.

[GirlyMuscle]

Good luck, Sweetie!!! And HAVE FUN!!!

[shankuan]

ALL THE BEST THIS WEEKEND MELISSA!!! :flowers:

[tammyp]

kill it mel! :)

[janet kaufman]

congrats you looked awesome!!

[2hot4u]

Awesome job!!!!! You look great!!!

[stephaniewicked]

Way to go, woman!!! :hmn:

[Gaoshang Xiongshou]

:bowdown:

:excited:

[tammyp]

woooo hooooooooooooooooooooo!

[Melissa]

Thanks, you guys!! I have so much swirling aroud in my head to write, but I'm on my phone doing cardio before I head off to my bff's wedding later today. When I get a hot minute, I'll be back in here with more craziness about the weekend (which even includes a good story about Jillian playing "Dora The Explorer" on Friday night:p). For now, I will say that, regardless of how things would have turned out yesterday (the two other girls in the OA were GOOD!!), I accomplished everything I set out to do as far as my personal goals in the sport for the year, and every up and down along the way was more than worth it.

[shankuan]

CONGRATS GIRLIE!!!!! JOB WELL DONE :yourock:

[Wendy]

lurker coming out to say I have followed your prep and loved it! congrats to you!

[Suzanne]

congrats looking shredded

see ya soon!

[Melissa]

CONGRATS GIRLIE!!!!! JOB WELL DONE :yourock:


lurker coming out to say I have followed your prep and loved it! congrats to you!


congrats looking shredded

see ya soon!

Thank you so much ladies:)

Suzanne, less than one week!!! Hell yeah!!

[Wetdawg]

Melissa,
Sorry to report I will not be at the ATL show (My Hometown) had 4 people quick my high stress job and now I'm stuck working OT until they get people trained. Planes can't fly without me.
Good Luck to You, You have done an Amazing Job.
WD

[stephaniewicked]

Can I hire you to teach me how to maintain sanity and a social life during prep? Weddings, bridal showers, dinner with friends... I don't know how you do it. Please teach me the way! :) I'll be thinking of you in a few months when I'm back in prep mode... before any cranky bitch fits, I vow to remember all the things you have done successfully during your prep and will make an honest effort to be a better friend/sister/daughter/granddaughter/niece/girlfriend/all-around decent person to be around lol.

In all seriousness though, thanks for the inspiration. Your hard work has already paid dividends and the biggest weekend isn't even here yet. Wishing you a safe trip to and from Atlanta, a weekend filled with lots of fun, excitement and smiles and a fantastic birthday to celebrate with lots of amazing friends!

[Melissa]

Can I hire you to teach me how to maintain sanity and a social life during prep? Weddings, bridal showers, dinner with friends... I don't know how you do it. Please teach me the way! :) I'll be thinking of you in a few months when I'm back in prep mode... before any cranky bitch fits, I vow to remember all the things you have done successfully during your prep and will make an honest effort to be a better friend/sister/daughter/granddaughter/niece/girlfriend/all-around decent person to be around lol.

In all seriousness though, thanks for the inspiration. Your hard work has already paid dividends and the biggest weekend isn't even here yet. Wishing you a safe trip to and from Atlanta, a weekend filled with lots of fun, excitement and smiles and a fantastic birthday to celebrate with lots of amazing friends!

Thanks, Steph! I definitely still have room for improvement with balancing everything, that's for sure. I had my fair share of tantrums and cranky bitch fits, and there are plenty of people to vouch for them lol.

[Melissa]

Phew, it has been a whirlwind two weeks for me! And I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed with everything, actually. In fact, I'm not even sure where to begin, so this is probably going to be an epic post consisting of lots of rambling. So grab some popcorn and settle in, because it's gonna be a long one here. I've actually kind of been avoiding writing anything because there's just so much swirling around in my head, that it's so hard to make any kind of sense out of it. But maybe this is a good way for me to start doing that.

First of all, Easterns. Holy crap. What an unexpected, but amazing, experience! The night before, however, was a little bit stressful. I had planned to stay overnight on Friday at Kat's house with Jillian, and the three of us would head into the city Saturday morning. Well, I get down there no problemo. But at around 9pm or so, I'm on the phone with my pseudo-mom, and she's running through my checklist....Tan? Check. Suits? Check. Makeup? Check. Music? FUCK!!!! I left my music at my apartment an hour and a half away. So, Jillian assumed the role of Dora the Explorer and drove me back to my apartment to get my music and then all the way back down to the BX (meanwhile, she's exhausted from dieting and being one week out from Nationals). Can you say Lifesaver?!?! It was after midnight by the time we got back, so it was off to bed for us. Fortunately, that was the only bit of drama the entire weekend, and it obviously worked out just fine. Thank god for good friends!:yep:

The day of the show was as stress free as I could have hoped. I had no idea that I could win that show up until the minute they called my name for the overall. Sure, I dieted and trained and practiced posing all with only one option for the end result in mind. But it's always a reality check when you see who you have to stand next to. The whole day was just an awesome time, and everything went so smoothly. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable day.

I didn't get home from the city until almost 3am, and it was nearly 4 by the time I went to bed. I was up at 7:30 to get in two hours of cardio before heading to my friend's wedding. The wedding was great...the ceremony was beautiful, and we had a freaking blast at the reception. Naturally, I got a few sideways glances from the waitstaff who were probably wondering who the orange, rexo-looking girl was that wasn't eating lol. But it was all good. Not surprisingly, I was pretty much face first on the table by about 8pm, and had to call it an early night. Still lots of work to do before heading into Nationals.

Now, Nationals. Damn! What an amazing weekend! Jillian and I flew out Thursday morning and spent the entire plane ride looking at our watches and wondering, "Are we there yet?" And each time we checked, only like ten minutes had passed lol. Other than a little initial room drama (they stuck us in a room that was like on the other side of friggin' Atlanta far away from the ballroom where the actual show was, so we needed to get that changed ASAP), things couldn't have gone much smoother this weekend either. To be honest, everything seemed to just fall right into place. It was great to be down there competing with a bunch of my good friends...in fact, I found that I was even more nervous watching them compete! Friday night, we watched PJ and Juan do their thing and then went right upstairs to rest some more knowing that Saturday would be a long day for us.

Being backstage with the other fbb's made me realize just how far I'd come this year. I mean, I'm standing next to some of the best bb's in the country, and this may sound silly or stupid or whatever, but I was completely in awe. I had followed a lot of these women's journeys for a long time, whether it be through their own blogs or just through contest coverage, and now I'm standing on the same stage as them. And damn it, I think I just might belong there! I made sure to soak up every freaking second of my time in Atlanta and feel every single emotion that came over me that weekend, from nervousness to excitement to happiness, and even sadness. While some might say, "5th out of 7 isn't all that impressive".....I could care less. Long before I even started my prep this year, I set two contest-specific goals: Win the overall at Easterns and place in the top 5 at Nationals....DONE and DONE! There is a lot to be said about setting a goal and truly BELIEVING that you can achieve it. And I mean believing deep down in your soul that you can achieve it. Never in my life have I truly believed in myself like I did this year. I've always been very lucky to have plenty of people around me believing in me, but I don't think I ever bought into it myself....until this year.

Sure, I know I still have lots of improvements to make, but I have a plan for the offseason. I know what I need to do, and I'm hungry as hell to get it done. So many people have great "potential" in this sport and never live up to it. I refuse to be one of those people. I will continue to improve each year. Some years might show great strides in my physique, others only minor improvements. But I will slowly and steadily improve, I can promise you that. There is only one way for me to move in my life and that's forward. I'm still learning to enjoy each moment as it happens, but I will always be working on moving forward and never backward in every aspect of my life.

So, now that this contest season is over and done with for me, there are a lot of people who I need to thank who have had a major impact, not just on my prep, but on my life as a whole. Most of these people have been nameless (or rarely mentioned) in my journal of this prep, and now I need to give them their due credit. Because it's these important people and their support who have made everything that much more meaningful and enjoyable and my contest preps that much easier. First of all, I have to thank my coach, Sean Andros. Sean's been around since long before I did my first show in 2005 and has seen me progress through every stage in my figure/bodybuilding ventures. If there is anyone who has had more faith in my ability to accomplish things in this sport and believe in me when I didn't believe in myself, he's the one. I also have to thank my training partner and one of my best friends, Sean Clarke. He's there with me day in and day out in the gym, on the phone, whatever I need. Whether it's just someone to listen to my crazy pre-contest rants or bring me back to reality when I'm completely unable to see the forrest through the trees, he's there. Then there's my girls, Jillian and Kat....without them, I'd probably lose my head in the craziness of this sport/industry. They helped make my Nationals/birthday weekend absolutely amazing!! Last, and probably most important, my "pseudo-parents," Melissa and Eric. They are truly my rock (or maybe rocks??:p). No matter what I do, in the sport of bodybuilding or in my life in general, they are there supporting me 100% with more love than anyone could ever ask for.

So, yeah, there it is. My own post-contest wrap up. Believe it or not, that's a condensed version:hypno: I know there's stuff I left out, but this is a start. The whole journey this year has been so different than any of my past contest preps, and I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that it really had to do with my own attitude and mentality toward what I was doing this year and WHY I was doing it. I only hope to be able to maintain this, as it's still actual work for me to stay positive and confident in myself. Even though this leg of my journey is over, the next phase is now only just beginning. As much as we can despise the offseason at times, there's no question that this is where progress is made. So, I'm planning on trying to enjoy some food this week (well, mostly just ice cream:drool:) without completely ruining my 18 weeks worth of work, and then it's time to phase into my offseason and plan for next year.

[janet kaufman]

Phew, it has been a whirlwind two weeks for me! And I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed with everything, actually. In fact, I'm not even sure where to begin, so this is probably going to be an epic post consisting of lots of rambling. So grab some popcorn and settle in, because it's gonna be a long one here. I've actually kind of been avoiding writing anything because there's just so much swirling around in my head, that it's so hard to make any kind of sense out of it. But maybe this is a good way for me to start doing that.

First of all, Easterns. Holy crap. What an unexpected, but amazing, experience! The night before, however, was a little bit stressful. I had planned to stay overnight on Friday at Kat's house with Jillian, and the three of us would head into the city Saturday morning. Well, I get down there no problemo. But at around 9pm or so, I'm on the phone with my pseudo-mom, and she's running through my checklist....Tan? Check. Suits? Check. Makeup? Check. Music? FUCK!!!! I left my music at my apartment an hour and a half away. So, Jillian assumed the role of Dora the Explorer and drove me back to my apartment to get my music and then all the way back down to the BX (meanwhile, she's exhausted from dieting and being one week out from Nationals). Can you say Lifesaver?!?! It was after midnight by the time we got back, so it was off to bed for us. Fortunately, that was the only bit of drama the entire weekend, and it obviously worked out just fine. Thank god for good friends!:yep:

The day of the show was as stress free as I could have hoped. I had no idea that I could win that show up until the minute they called my name for the overall. Sure, I dieted and trained and practiced posing all with only one option for the end result in mind. But it's always a reality check when you see who you have to stand next to. The whole day was just an awesome time, and everything went so smoothly. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable day.

I didn't get home from the city until almost 3am, and it was nearly 4 by the time I went to bed. I was up at 7:30 to get in two hours of cardio before heading to my friend's wedding. The wedding was great...the ceremony was beautiful, and we had a freaking blast at the reception. Naturally, I got a few sideways glances from the waitstaff who were probably wondering who the orange, rexo-looking girl was that wasn't eating lol. But it was all good. Not surprisingly, I was pretty much face first on the table by about 8pm, and had to call it an early night. Still lots of work to do before heading into Nationals.

Now, Nationals. Damn! What an amazing weekend! Jillian and I flew out Thursday morning and spent the entire plane ride looking at our watches and wondering, "Are we there yet?" And each time we checked, only like ten minutes had passed lol. Other than a little initial room drama (they stuck us in a room that was like on the other side of friggin' Atlanta far away from the ballroom where the actual show was, so we needed to get that changed ASAP), things couldn't have gone much smoother this weekend either. To be honest, everything seemed to just fall right into place. It was great to be down there competing with a bunch of my good friends...in fact, I found that I was even more nervous watching them compete! Friday night, we watched PJ and Juan do their thing and then went right upstairs to rest some more knowing that Saturday would be a long day for us.

Being backstage with the other fbb's made me realize just how far I'd come this year. I mean, I'm standing next to some of the best bb's in the country, and this may sound silly or stupid or whatever, but I was completely in awe. I had followed a lot of these women's journeys for a long time, whether it be through their own blogs or just through contest coverage, and now I'm standing on the same stage as them. And damn it, I think I just might belong there! I made sure to soak up every freaking second of my time in Atlanta and feel every single emotion that came over me that weekend, from nervousness to excitement to happiness, and even sadness. While some might say, "5th out of 7 isn't all that impressive".....I could care less. Long before I even started my prep this year, I set two contest-specific goals: Win the overall at Easterns and place in the top 5 at Nationals....DONE and DONE! There is a lot to be said about setting a goal and truly BELIEVING that you can achieve it. And I mean believing deep down in your soul that you can achieve it. Never in my life have I truly believed in myself like I did this year. I've always been very lucky to have plenty of people around me believing in me, but I don't think I ever bought into it myself....until this year.

Sure, I know I still have lots of improvements to make, but I have a plan for the offseason. I know what I need to do, and I'm hungry as hell to get it done. So many people have great "potential" in this sport and never live up to it. I refuse to be one of those people. I will continue to improve each year. Some years might show great strides in my physique, others only minor improvements. But I will slowly and steadily improve, I can promise you that. There is only one way for me to move in my life and that's forward. I'm still learning to enjoy each moment as it happens, but I will always be working on moving forward and never backward in every aspect of my life.

So, now that this contest season is over and done with for me, there are a lot of people who I need to thank who have had a major impact, not just on my prep, but on my life as a whole. Most of these people have been nameless (or rarely mentioned) in my journal of this prep, and now I need to give them their due credit. Because it's these important people and their support who have made everything that much more meaningful and enjoyable and my contest preps that much easier. First of all, I have to thank my coach, Sean Andros. Sean's been around since long before I did my first show in 2005 and has seen me progress through every stage in my figure/bodybuilding ventures. If there is anyone who has had more faith in my ability to accomplish things in this sport and believe in me when I didn't believe in myself, he's the one. I also have to thank my training partner and one of my best friends, Sean Clarke. He's there with me day in and day out in the gym, on the phone, whatever I need. Whether it's just someone to listen to my crazy pre-contest rants or bring me back to reality when I'm completely unable to see the forrest through the trees, he's there. Then there's my girls, Jillian and Kat....without them, I'd probably lose my head in the craziness of this sport/industry. They helped make my Nationals/birthday weekend absolutely amazing!! Last, and probably most important, my "pseudo-parents," Melissa and Eric. They are truly my rock (or maybe rocks??:p). No matter what I do, in the sport of bodybuilding or in my life in general, they are there supporting me 100% with more love than anyone could ever ask for.

So, yeah, there it is. My own post-contest wrap up. Believe it or not, that's a condensed version:hypno: I know there's stuff I left out, but this is a start. The whole journey this year has been so different than any of my past contest preps, and I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that it really had to do with my own attitude and mentality toward what I was doing this year and WHY I was doing it. I only hope to be able to maintain this, as it's still actual work for me to stay positive and confident in myself. Even though this leg of my journey is over, the next phase is now only just beginning. As much as we can despise the offseason at times, there's no question that this is where progress is made. So, I'm planning on trying to enjoy some food this week (well, mostly just ice cream:drool:) without completely ruining my 18 weeks worth of work, and then it's time to phase into my offseason and plan for next year.

It was great spending time with you this weekend. You are an inspiration to me. Your attitude and mind set are awesome. I need to regroup and find that in myself. Self confidence is so important. I wish you nothing but success and you will go a long way in the sport. I hope to see you again.
enjoy that ice cream.

[Melissa]

Thanks, Janet...I enjoyed hanging out backstage with you as well. And the sentiment is mutual. You were one of the first people who came to mind as one of the fbb's whose journey I followed and was flattered to be sharing the stage with. Your presentation on stage and your calm demeanor backstage are enviable and evidence of your years of hard work in this sport...you have nothing but my full respect, girl. I know your time is coming, and while I would love to compete with you again, I hope that it doesn't happen (if you catch my drift lol). Thanks again for all the kind words and support along the way!! Time for both of us to get back to the drawing board.

[stephaniewicked]

Even though I am light years behind you in terms of training and competition, I truly can relate to your perspective and so appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us throughout your prep. I love that you document everything honestly - positive and negative. You've really helped me think that I am going to be more positive during my 2011 prep and that THAT will make a world of difference. Along with the support of friends in the competitive circuit who "get" it.

I'm so happy to hear that you had a wonderful and memorable experience... that makes all the bad days, days of listening to your stomach growl, days where you just want to skip cardio and stay in bed ALL worth it.

Hope you got to enjoy that ice cream!! ;)

[Melissa]

Even though I am light years behind you in terms of training and competition, I truly can relate to your perspective and so appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us throughout your prep. I love that you document everything honestly - positive and negative. You've really helped me think that I am going to be more positive during my 2011 prep and that THAT will make a world of difference. Along with the support of friends in the competitive circuit who "get" it.

I'm so happy to hear that you had a wonderful and memorable experience... that makes all the bad days, days of listening to your stomach growl, days where you just want to skip cardio and stay in bed ALL worth it.

Hope you got to enjoy that ice cream!! ;)

Light years behind? Umm, excuse me, but who WON their class at Jr. Nationals? lol Seriously though, your support means a lot to me. And your affirmations that I'm not alone in my craziness always make me feel better. I'm really glad that my expression of my experiences and emotions can be a source of motivation and help for you or anyone to approach their contest prep differently. After this year, I am beyond convinced that by staying positive and pushing the negative thinking out of your head (at least as much as you can), you can dramatically improve the final outcome.

So, now I'm officially one week post-Nationals, and I've already hit the ground running. Easing food back into my diet and hitting it hard in the gym in an attempt to take advantage of my body's desire to grow now. I started things off with bang on Monday with legs, and have had great workouts all week, relatively speaking. My energy is back, but, not surprisingly, my strength leaves much to be desired...I know it'll be back in a few weeks though.

I'm kind of at a loss for where to go from here on a lot of levels. Of course there's the big news about the WPD, so like many other fbb's, I'm wondering which direction I want to go. Naturally, that will affect how I structure my offseason. I have no negative feelings toward any of the new info that's come out, it's just a matter of me figuring out what I want to do because the bottom line is that that's really all that matters. I'm also considering closing out this journal and going back to my own little blog for my offseason. Seems that offseason stuff just isn't quite as interesting as contest prep, so why not go back into winter hibernation? lol

[tammyp]

were all at a loss girl. personally i think this div is perfect for you if you choose to change paths. just gotta wait it out...