AnglicanBeachParty
08-06-2010, 09:54 AM
I'm not sure whether I screwed up in the way I sent this essay to John Romano, or whether I simply finished dead last of the 7 qualified entries (John posted the top 6 authors, and I was not among them). Kind of disappointed either way, I guess. BTW, it is exactly 500 words, on the nose!
Nevertheless, attention whore that I am, I will publish it here for your amusement and edification.
WHY DID I START BODYBUILDING?
by Paul Erlandson (AnglicanBeachParty)
It's simple, really. I began bodybuilding for two and only two reasons. Art. And Kay Baxter.
In 1984, I was only toying with the idea of producing my own art, but already the lure of it for me was the mysterious interplay between convexity and concavity. As a mild-mannered high school Geometry teacher, I thought I understood all about convex and concave. But when I saw my first bodybuilding magazine, I knew that I knew nothing! In that first bodybuilding photo the concupiscent cohabitation of thick and thin, of convex and concave, was just baffling. My jaw dropped, and I knew I had come face to face with holy Mystery.
The photograph was in Women's Physique World, and was of Kay Baxter. Not only did I not know women could look like that, I didn't know humans of any gender could look like that! It was a revelation.
But, what to do about it? How to live one's life in the light of such a Mystery? The notion of working out to build muscle did not occur to me right away, because I assumed these muscles happened by magic, and only to other people.
It also did not occur to me immediately to begin drawing or painting bodybuilders; that came about six years later. What did occur to me was to buy lots more magazines with pictures of female bodybuilders. Time does not permit a complete recapitulation of this phase of my life: the abdominal adorations, the deltoid deleriums, the embarrassing expeditions to the neighborhood newsstand, all the effluvial exhalations of my secret, shameful schmoedom.
After a while, a new notion dawned upon me: If women could look like this, with their lean display of rippling skeletal muscle ... maybe men could too! I sped to the newsstand to see if there existed such a thing as bodybuilding magazines featuring men. As it turned out, my hunch was right; there were! I bought every one I could find.
The week after I discovered men's bodybuilding, I joined my first gym. I'll never forget that first year of training, the endeavor to enhance my convexities and concavities. The little family gym was in the small Texas town where I taught high school, and so I ended up working out with some of my math students. I remember my student Chris spotting me on bench press. Every time he helped me unrack the bar, he screamed encouragement in the words of the classic brassiere commercial: "Lift and Separate!!" I also remember my sense of failure when Joe, a relatively skinny kid (a Drama Club geek, no less), effortlessly benched 315 pounds for multiple reps.
In 1991, I completed my first oil painting of a "fit girl" who worked at Gold's Gym in Upland, California. By 1993, I was foolhardy enough to step up on a bodybuilding stage at age 35.
Sadly, Kay Baxter had died in a car accident five years earlier. In many ways, she is still my muse. RIP, Kay!
Nevertheless, attention whore that I am, I will publish it here for your amusement and edification.
WHY DID I START BODYBUILDING?
by Paul Erlandson (AnglicanBeachParty)
It's simple, really. I began bodybuilding for two and only two reasons. Art. And Kay Baxter.
In 1984, I was only toying with the idea of producing my own art, but already the lure of it for me was the mysterious interplay between convexity and concavity. As a mild-mannered high school Geometry teacher, I thought I understood all about convex and concave. But when I saw my first bodybuilding magazine, I knew that I knew nothing! In that first bodybuilding photo the concupiscent cohabitation of thick and thin, of convex and concave, was just baffling. My jaw dropped, and I knew I had come face to face with holy Mystery.
The photograph was in Women's Physique World, and was of Kay Baxter. Not only did I not know women could look like that, I didn't know humans of any gender could look like that! It was a revelation.
But, what to do about it? How to live one's life in the light of such a Mystery? The notion of working out to build muscle did not occur to me right away, because I assumed these muscles happened by magic, and only to other people.
It also did not occur to me immediately to begin drawing or painting bodybuilders; that came about six years later. What did occur to me was to buy lots more magazines with pictures of female bodybuilders. Time does not permit a complete recapitulation of this phase of my life: the abdominal adorations, the deltoid deleriums, the embarrassing expeditions to the neighborhood newsstand, all the effluvial exhalations of my secret, shameful schmoedom.
After a while, a new notion dawned upon me: If women could look like this, with their lean display of rippling skeletal muscle ... maybe men could too! I sped to the newsstand to see if there existed such a thing as bodybuilding magazines featuring men. As it turned out, my hunch was right; there were! I bought every one I could find.
The week after I discovered men's bodybuilding, I joined my first gym. I'll never forget that first year of training, the endeavor to enhance my convexities and concavities. The little family gym was in the small Texas town where I taught high school, and so I ended up working out with some of my math students. I remember my student Chris spotting me on bench press. Every time he helped me unrack the bar, he screamed encouragement in the words of the classic brassiere commercial: "Lift and Separate!!" I also remember my sense of failure when Joe, a relatively skinny kid (a Drama Club geek, no less), effortlessly benched 315 pounds for multiple reps.
In 1991, I completed my first oil painting of a "fit girl" who worked at Gold's Gym in Upland, California. By 1993, I was foolhardy enough to step up on a bodybuilding stage at age 35.
Sadly, Kay Baxter had died in a car accident five years earlier. In many ways, she is still my muse. RIP, Kay!