Fun in Recovery! ~ We are not a Glum Lot :)

[Sistersteel]

Flat Tire?

This man at the side of the road was fixing his flat tire. A police car stops behind his and the officer strolls to him to offer help. The man says he's doing OK and doesn't need help.

The officer takes a walk around the car to make sure everything is OK. He spots a large knife with a fancy handle on the passenger seat. When he asks about the knife, the man says it's his and he uses it as a juggler at the local circus.

The officer then asks him to demonstrate his act to be sure the man is telling the truth, and the man goes through his routine.

Meanwhile a car with two recovering alcoholics drives by. The driver says to his passenger, "Man ... I am glad I stopped drinking when I did. It's amazing what they make them do these days at those roadside sobriety checks!"

[Sistersteel]

R.I.P.

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered
the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded . Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his > dough on half-Baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[Sistersteel]

The Prayer Request

Leroy went to a revival at a local church and listened intently to the
preacher.

After awhile, the preacher asked anyone with needs to be prayed over to
come forward to the front of the altar.

Leroy got in line and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Leroy,
what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher put one finger in Leroy's ear and he placed his other hand
on top of Leroy's head and prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, took a few steps
back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

"Leroy replied thoughtfully, "I don't know, It's not until next
Wednesday."

[Sistersteel]

Acronymity is the Foundation of all Our Oral Traditions…

• A = Absolute Abstinence=Adventures Anonymous=Altered Attitudes=Altruistic Action=Attitude Adjustment
• ABC = Acceptance, Belief, Change=Ashtrays, Broom, Coffee=Ashtrays, Broom, Chair
• ACTION = Any Change Toward Improving One’s Nature
• ALCOHOLICS = A Life Centered On Helping Others Live In Complete Sobriety
• ANONYMOUS = Actions Not Our Names Yield Maintenance of Unity and Service
• ASK = Ass-Saving Kit
• BAR = Beware Alcohol, Run=Beware Alcohol Ruin
• BIG BOOK = Believing in God Beats Our Old Knowledge
• DEAD = Drinking Ends All Dreams=Drugging Ends All Dreams
• DENIAL = Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying
• DETACH = Don’t Even Think About Changing Him
• DUES = Desperately Using Everything but Sobriety
• EGO = Easing God Out
• FAILURE = Fearful, Arrogant, Insecure, Lonely, Uncertain, Resentful, Empty
• FAITH = Fear Ain’t In This House
• FEAR = Future Events Appearing Real=Few Ever Arrive Rejoicing=Failure Expected and Received=False Evidence Appearing Real= False Expectations Appearing Real=Fear Expressed Allows Relief=Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects=F*%k Everything and Run= Face Everything and Recover=Forgetting Everything’s All Right
• FINE = Faithful, Involved, Knowledgeable and Experienced=Feeling Insecure, Numb and Empty=Frantic, Insane, Nuts and Egotistical= Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional=Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic Emotional=F%&ked, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional
• GIFT = God Is Forever There
• GOD = Good Orderly Direction
• GOD = Group of Drunks
• GOYA = Get Off Your Ass
• GUT = God’s Undeniable Truths
• HALT = Hope, Acceptance, Love and Tolerance
• HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
• HALT = Horny, Arrogant, Lazy or Tragic? Get to a meeting!
• HALTS FEAR = Hope, Acceptance, Love and Tolerance Stops Forgetting that Everything’s All Right
• HELP = His Ever Loving Presence=Hope, Encouragement, Love and Patience
• HOPE = Happy Our Program Exists=Hearing Other People’s Experience=Hang On, Peace Exists
• HOW = Honest, Open-minded and Willing
• ISM = Incredibly Short Memory=InSide Me=I Sabotage Myself
• KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid
• MMM = Meetings, Meditation and Masturbation (recommended for the first year)
• NUTS = Not Using The Steps
• OUR = Openly Using Recovery
• PACE = Positive Attitudes Change Everything
• PAID = Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization
• PMS = Poor Me Syndrome=Pour More Scotch
• PROGRAM = People Relying on God Relaying a Message
• RELATIONSHIP = Real Exciting Love Affair Turns Into Outrageous Nightmare, Sobriety Hangs In Peril
• RID = Restless, Irritable and Discontented
• SLIP = Sobriety Loses Its Priority
• SOB = Sober Old Bag=Sober Old Bastard=Sober Old Biker=Sober Old *****
• SOBER = Son Of a *****, Everything’s Real=Simply Observe Bill’s Exemplary Recovery
• SPONSOR = Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery
• STEPS = Solutions to Every Problem in Sobriety=Solutions to Every Problem, Sober
• STOP = Sicker Than Other People
• THINK = The Happiness I Never Knew
• TIME = This I Must Earn=Things I Must Earn
• WILLING = When I Live Life, I Need God
• YET = You’re Eligible Too

[Sistersteel]

The irishman and the mormon

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked
for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a
drink.. He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen
whores than let liquor touch my lips.'

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
'Me, too, ......I didn't know we had a choice.!

[baby gorilla]

Acronymity is the Foundation of all Our Oral Traditions…

• A = Absolute Abstinence=Adventures Anonymous=Altered Attitudes=Altruistic Action=Attitude Adjustment
• ABC = Acceptance, Belief, Change=Ashtrays, Broom, Coffee=Ashtrays, Broom, Chair
• ACTION = Any Change Toward Improving One’s Nature
• ALCOHOLICS = A Life Centered On Helping Others Live In Complete Sobriety
• ANONYMOUS = Actions Not Our Names Yield Maintenance of Unity and Service
• ASK = Ass-Saving Kit
• BAR = Beware Alcohol, Run=Beware Alcohol Ruin
• BIG BOOK = Believing in God Beats Our Old Knowledge
• DEAD = Drinking Ends All Dreams=Drugging Ends All Dreams
• DENIAL = Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying
• DETACH = Don’t Even Think About Changing Him
• DUES = Desperately Using Everything but Sobriety
• EGO = Easing God Out
• FAILURE = Fearful, Arrogant, Insecure, Lonely, Uncertain, Resentful, Empty
• FAITH = Fear Ain’t In This House
• FEAR = Future Events Appearing Real=Few Ever Arrive Rejoicing=Failure Expected and Received=False Evidence Appearing Real= False Expectations Appearing Real=Fear Expressed Allows Relief=Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects=F*%k Everything and Run= Face Everything and Recover=Forgetting Everything’s All Right
• FINE = Faithful, Involved, Knowledgeable and Experienced=Feeling Insecure, Numb and Empty=Frantic, Insane, Nuts and Egotistical= Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional=Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic Emotional=F%&ked, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional
• GIFT = God Is Forever There
• GOD = Good Orderly Direction
• GOD = Group of Drunks
• GOYA = Get Off Your Ass
• GUT = God’s Undeniable Truths
• HALT = Hope, Acceptance, Love and Tolerance
• HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
• HALT = Horny, Arrogant, Lazy or Tragic? Get to a meeting!
• HALTS FEAR = Hope, Acceptance, Love and Tolerance Stops Forgetting that Everything’s All Right
• HELP = His Ever Loving Presence=Hope, Encouragement, Love and Patience
• HOPE = Happy Our Program Exists=Hearing Other People’s Experience=Hang On, Peace Exists
• HOW = Honest, Open-minded and Willing
• ISM = Incredibly Short Memory=InSide Me=I Sabotage Myself
• KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid
• MMM = Meetings, Meditation and Masturbation (recommended for the first year)
• NUTS = Not Using The Steps
• OUR = Openly Using Recovery
• PACE = Positive Attitudes Change Everything
• PAID = Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization
• PMS = Poor Me Syndrome=Pour More Scotch
• PROGRAM = People Relying on God Relaying a Message
• RELATIONSHIP = Real Exciting Love Affair Turns Into Outrageous Nightmare, Sobriety Hangs In Peril
• RID = Restless, Irritable and Discontented
• SLIP = Sobriety Loses Its Priority
• SOB = Sober Old Bag=Sober Old Bastard=Sober Old Biker=Sober Old *****
• SOBER = Son Of a *****, Everything’s Real=Simply Observe Bill’s Exemplary Recovery
• SPONSOR = Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery
• STEPS = Solutions to Every Problem in Sobriety=Solutions to Every Problem, Sober
• STOP = Sicker Than Other People
• THINK = The Happiness I Never Knew
• TIME = This I Must Earn=Things I Must Earn
• WILLING = When I Live Life, I Need God
• YET = You’re Eligible Too

Did you get this list from Gary Busey? :D