Someone help me! Pro turned slob....

[fitbody]

Hey guys,
I read RX every single day. I love bodybuilding, fitness, figure, everything. I enjoy reading everyone's opinions and comments here at RX. So, as i linger here in my world of just "unknown" i thought maybe i could reach out to some people who know alot about alot and get some feedback. Here's my story in brief...

I turned Pro at the 2007 Canadian Nationals taking 2nd in the MW class. I was 23 at the time. It was my dream and i was elated to join the elite list of pros. I struggled with my diet but i got better and better and i was very happy with how i looked that year. i had improved so much so i was happy. I was critisized for my conditioning not being spot on and i knew this was the one thing i needed to improve on as a pro. easy right?? not so much....

Fast forward to now. A couple months ago i announced i was no longer gonna compete. What lead me to this decision? The truth is- It was 2 years of failed attempts of dieting. I couldnt take it anymore, the failure and disappoinment i kept feeling took a further toll on my self esteem. How can i not diet?? how can i not do what i have done before? how can it be so much more diffcult all the sudden? I DONT KNOW. I did the keto diet and also a diet with carbs (similar to what i did in 2007) and i could do it for a bit- then i just COULDn't...... i know it can be done, i am not nieve, i realize how much work and effort this sport takes.. I cannot compete as a professional when i cant even diet

So, here i am, 25 years old and i have quit bodybuilding before i really ever got good. My struggle is that i love bodybuilding so much, and the decision to let go haunts me every single day. Since deciding to stop the try/fail cycle i did for over 2 years, i have gotten even more outta shape. I dont even resemble anything close to a professional bodybuilder. I know your thinkin, so do it! eat riight and get in shape! I say it to myself over and over......but if anyone has ever been in this type of hole they know how i feel. The deeper i dig myself the worse it gets too.

I tried to keep this short and it hasnt worked so well...... theres just so many thoughts and reasons and things running thru my head i guess.

I just wana reach out to people who kinda understand.... I convinced myself i was ready to stop competing for more than one reason but why then does the thought and wanting to do it keep haunting me. I just keep feeling i wish i was up there. Should i just feel peace with my decision, let it go, since i am not able to do it. Or do i pursue it AGAIN- and how the hell do i make it through it this time if i do??? i feel so far gone, like theres no return

Throw out yer thoughts.....

Cindy

Hi Cindy,
My name is Dawn Alison I'm a fellow Canadian
one thing really reading your story was it sounds to me...
correct me if i'm wrong, your are trying to do this on your own !
I value of having a great (and I mean GREAT) coach
and or the right support to help you realize any goal in life is the dif
between never gettin anywhere, being mediocre, or very successful
now not to say some people make it on their own
all the more power to them, good for them
but most of us in life need help
and when you have the balls to ask for help thatz the first step
and i commend you on this
when you said you did the Keto diet...
did you hire Dave Palumbo or did you just do his diet?
see thatz the huge difference to alotta people
did you know that Dave only charges $1000 for a whole years coaching
thatz less than $100 / month
thatz unlimited emails, and he answers them all his self
and let me tell you he's fast in response
the guys unfreakin believable the support he gives
and thatz offseason, precontest, afterwords etc
now this type of coaching doesn't work for some people cuz you have to be
accountable up to you to email him send pix tell them whatz going on
easier to hide on the other side of the country/ continent/ world etc
but me when i hired him i respect him so much i'm gonna do what he says
and i want him to be proud of me
but that doesn't work for everyone
so you may be better with either both him & a coach close to home
WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW ?????????
ALSO CREATING YOUR OWN SUPPORT NETWORK THAT HELPS KEEP YOU ACCOUNTABLE & PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE MINDED THAT WILL LIFT YOU UP AND CARRY YOU TILL YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF
now this works both ways when you help others within your group
then they are in turn there for you when you need it
it's like me...
I was blessed with my first coach my first husband Powerlifting Legend Doug Young, he set the standard
then after the marriage broke up
back to Canada i had to come and i had NO SUPPORT DID EVERYTHING ON OWN
but people always came to me for advice and help to do shows
so what ended up happening is after i came into recovery from DRUG ADDICTION
and in recovery i learned that you can't do things on your own
and the value of the support group
then thatz what i created
it morped over the years and now it's awesome called: TEAM FIT BODY
I'm a full time personal trainer & I coach competitors
one of my figure girls so eloquently put it...
THAT TEAM FIT BODY IS A FAMILY
its a family of like minded individuals that have similiar goals & interests
theres alot of us that our families, partners, co-workers, friends etc
don't like what we do whether it bodybuilding, figure, bikini or whatever
but if you have people that share your passion
then you can still get what you need and not have to disown people you love
but not only that
others that understand what you are going thru
understand snapping and cheatin on diet, complaining of lack of sex from spouse precontest, or whatever...
someone who understands
we all need that
I ALSO HAVE DONE SOMETHING FOR MY CLIENTS, FRIENDS, ETC FOR YEARS
I CALL IT THE "PT of the DAY"
its just some daily motivation i send out via email
now I'M NOT EVERYONES CUPPA TEA
PEOPLE LOVE ME AND PEOPLE HATE ME
AND I'M NOT TRYING TO TOOT MY OWN HORN HERE
but over the years i've received 100's of emails, cards, personal thank you's etc from people, people telling me they've sent some of them to their friends, other personal trainer / coaches on the list send them to their clients, i've got people all over the globe actually on the list...
and people have told me how much it helps them or even changed their lives because of my daily "pts of the day'
pt = personal training
if you wanna be on the list just give me your email address
and that goes for anyone
or you can see them and read them since feb this year my thread here on rx
go to Womens section, then Womens Q & A, then Q & A with Canadian Dawn Alison
here's the link from the last page http://forums.rxmuscle.com/showthrea...t=1173&page=13
here's what one of my figure girls sent me last week
from one of my figure girls who i helped compete earlier this yr for the first time
anyways she's a Esthetician at one of the highest end Spa's here in the lowermainland
and another client i have inspired to change her career !!!!!
so cool...
i just hadta share this with you....
this part of the email
================================================== ================
I Just left a staff meeting tonight where the owner (of the Spa) talked about success and passion and how the two go hand in hand. It just opened my eyes even more that I don't belong there anymore. The one thing I miss the most about contest prep was how I inspired people! I also want to help people in a bigger way then taking skin off their feet and hair off there bodies lol although I do enjoy waxing. I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass but meeting you changed my life in a big way. Your emails everyday touch me big time, make me look deeper at what I want. Get me excited about life! I want to give people the same feeling. I was thinking of starting with Fitness World since it already feels like home to me. I can't wait to go back to school! I'm good at it. I have done Esthetics since high school and I'm scared of this transition but I see what I want to be and even though I have set myself back and I have a shit load of work ahead of me and it will be starting from scratch there is no reason that I can't do it. Working with you help me realize that I'm the only one that is holding myself back! I have been with out a goal since April and I have a new one now. And Yes I will need your help along the way LOL.
================================================== =====
then again the other day;
Seriously Dawn, I LOVE your PT's. They give me that excited tingly feeling! A constant reminder of what I wanna be. I sure hope I get the chance to work with you How could I possibly fall off track then?!!
================================================== ========
I'M LIKE THE PERSONAL TRAINER / COACH FROM HELL
CUZ ONCE YOU HIRE ME TO DO A JOB
COME HELL OR HIGH WATER I'M GONNA GET YOU THERE
and you betta tell me if you change your goals cuz my sights get set
i gotta job to do, I JUST DO IT !!!!!!

anyways you were afraid your post was long
WELL BABY GIRL I COULD GO ON AND ON FOREVER ON THIS
cuz as a recovering drug addict - been clean this month 13 yrs
from crack, speed, alcohol, pot, X, whatever...
i learned the value of reaching out for help
and gettin the support & help i need to accomplish whatever i want to in life

so my advice to you is....
figure out who YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE TO HELP YOU REALIZE YOUR GOALS
me i need lots and lots support
even my 8 yr old son helps me
i competed at Canadians Aug 22nd this yr
and i told him the next weekend "THATZ IT NO MORE SUGAR FOR ME !"
if he sees i'm eating something i shouldn't he'll say...
"MUMMY YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA EAT ANYMORE SUGAR"
ha ha busted by an 8 yr old !!!!!!!!!
he's well trained ! who do you think he takes after ?
AND I HIRED DAVE PALUMBO FOR MY 2ND YEAR now...
AND THAT MAN IS STUCK WITH ME FOR LIFE AS A CLIENT
UNLESS HE FIRES ME OF COURSE (hope not, I try hard !)
I sincerely worship the ground he walks on
he's not only incredible at what he does, a wealth of knowledge, a great person, i can't believe he charges so little and gives so much
I'VE BEEN AROUND & WORKED WITH ALOTTA PEOPLE IN MY ALMOST 45 YRS BEING ON THIS PLANET
I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT MY MONEY NEVER BEEN BETTER SPENT
THAN THE MONEY I SPEND ON COACHING FROM HIM
now that said...
you have to find someone that has the right chemistry and touch for you
like me, i gotta know which ones need a spanking
and which ones need a cuddle !!!!!!!
thatz all part of being a good coach
you also need to surround yourself with positive people
who support you for your goals
theres so many tools you can use
like motivational cd's in your car, vision boards etc
instead of me writing a book here which i can easily do
and some probably already saying i've done, te he he
you asked for peoples opionion well this is mine....
if you want and would like any help from me in any capacity at all
whether sending you "pt of the days" into your email inbox daily (send me your email addy if you do),
or just sending me emails whenever you need to
or whatever you need from me
i'm always here for you
or anyone else for that matter
cuz thatz the type of person i am....
where i work there's a big binder full of testimonials and before & after pix
of people i've helped and lives I've changed just for this one simple reason...
I FREAKIN' CARE !!!!!!!
anything you need
anytime you need it
just holler
Dawn Alison ~ [email protected]

[Razer]

Well Cindy all the beauty queens of muscle have responded with great encouragement to push on, you're still young and have that "WOW" factor that in female bodybuilding consist of Beauty, Brains and Brawn! I remember seeing you on MM a while back but when RXmuscle came on the scene I knew this is where I would grow mentally which would also help me physically. Don't give up, believe it or not you've still got a good start, muscle has memory and you through Dave and John here on RX can learn all you need to come back or be better that you ever thought. Stick with it Cindy and you'll do just fine.

Keep us posted on your progress!

[Tre]

Does this former trainer have the Initial H on his name?

What a fucked up question.

Some people, I swear to fucking god...

[TheTransformator]

Just do it...have a look at my thread in the men's journal...I'm at exactly the same position (wasn't a pro before but I had a very good body before I quitted cold turkey 1.5 years ago at 6'2)...I met my wife...started a business...and turned into this 230 punds none training fatty monster...I'm in day 10 of my transformation...just food/training/rest and F*ck it is great to see my body kicking back into gear...you can do it!

JUST DO IT!

[fitbody]

Cindy by the way forgot to put on my post above
DAVE PALUMBO's email: [email protected]
website: http://davepalumbo.com/

[Suzanne]

Cindy, having come from a long battle with disordered eating myself I end up coaching many girls how have the same battle, it is definitely a tough road to forge through. My advice to you would be to address your eating disorder before beginning to compete. You need to learn to eat healthy for the right reasons all year round...otherwise it's like moving from Grade 2 to Grade 11 and expecting to be able to keep up. That is why you are always feeling like you are failing b/c you are setting your expectations to a level that is constantly leaving you feeling disappointed, thereby further eroding your self-esteem...Now is the time to be kind to yourself and find some goals that are realistic.
I'm sure that during the diet/competing you were able to keep your 'disorder' at bay but without that direction it came back (off-season). I truly believe you need to look after yourself, focus on being a healthy 'athlete', get some counselling from some professionals, and address what issues you are perhaps avoiding by self-medicating with food.
I say this with a great deal of kindness - I have been through my own journey years ago and looking back I have great compassion for women who struggle with the same. It's not a bad thing to go for professional help, I think some structured advice would benefit you greatly b/c this issue affects every facet of your life....Take care...Z.

x2

It will never work til your have your mind in the right place

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Thank you for making this post, Cindy. As everyone has said, you are such an awesome talent.

I have worked with a couple differnt trainers. One very well known trainer i worked with last year (not dave- dave was great), bsaically laughed at me. When i hired him, he asked me what i wanted to compete in....
He told me i am so far away from being in shape it would take a year and that doing a show was "my choice." i wanted so bad to just prove him wrong, but i think deep down it made me so much more insecure and doubtful.

My sense of things is that somewhere out there is the perfect trainer for you, who will get your diet, metabolism, and relationship with food to be the way they should be.

Even if it would take a year to get ready for a show ... that might be the right answer. In the larger view of things, a year is a relatively short time investment.

[Franz'Kaiser' Beckenbauer]

I am a newbie in the lifestyle so don't have much to say other than the lifestyle makes life way more worth living. You are super hawt and definitely have a great future in the sport whether you decide to go forward or not. Good luck

[fitbody]

Thank you for making this post, Cindy. As everyone has said, you are such an awesome talent.



My sense of things is that somewhere out there is the perfect trainer for you, who will get your diet, metabolism, and relationship with food to be the way they should be.

Even if it would take a year to get ready for a show ... that might be the right answer. In the larger view of things, a year is a relatively short time investment.

EXACTLY WHAT I SAID IN OVER 1000 WORDS ha ha

[Natzo]

i miss competing, i miss being driven, i miss the feeling of working so hard at somthing. I dont do it for winning, money or any other reason than i really liked doing it. i love watching from the side lines and i love helping others prep (which i have done really well for a few girls!) but its not the same as doing it yourself, as many of you im sure can relate to

Cindy,

You made me look into female bodybuilding, you had one of the best potencial physiques I've seen for what female bodybuildig should be all about.
I think after reading your initial message and this quote that you want to do this! I say - YOU HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN ! you own that to yourself I know you don't want to look back and say - and if ...

I hope all this messages help you find your drive again, I wish they can help in every moment of your diet, I wish they can be a strenght to you, to overcome this obstacle and achieve what you want, and what you are capable of, being one of the best pro female bodybuilders.

I hope you compete again. I love your physique.


Diogo.

[giallo&rossi]

Hire Palumbo, then atleast you know what your doing is gonna work. Let him do the thinking and you do the training! If it doesnt work, you can always blame him and not yourself

[becks]

There is a lot of good advice in this thread and enough support here for you to succeed. My advice to you is simple (K.I.S.S.) and you must set your foundation.

First I would advise you take a break from the media for 45 days. No news, no papers, no media outlets at all. Current media focuses on the negative in the world and indirectly has you focusing on the negative aspect of everything in your life.

Strengthen your mind and really start focusing on the positive. Listen to podcasts, read books that allow you to maintain positive thought through the 45 days. You will be surprised at how your mentality changes and you become a positive person who seeks the positive from everything life has to offer.

Clean up your diet and focus on the natural earth providing foods. This will help the body recover and balance the natural occurring chemicals in the body. Our bodies are predisposed to ingest earth nutrient rich foods and as a result you will feel better. Quality food provides a quality life.

Get back to training and as your mind changes so will your body. As a result you will see the positive changes and your mindset will be ready to approach the stage once again.

"Make it happen today and rewards will follow tomorrow"

[Suzanne]

Cindy

i think you need to start with working on yourself why do you have an unhealthy relationship with food, why do you sabotage etc Once you do this everything else will fall into place.

the LAST thing you need right now is a strict contest type diet.

Learn to eat healthy amounts of food for maintenance, for now work on the mental part of it then and only then work back into competing

if you try to lose weight now or contest diet and fall into same pattern you will just feel worse and worse about yourself and continue to spiral downward

there is no rush to be back on stage once you are in the right place in your prep will be a very enjoyable journey

and it has to come from YOU not a trainer that will coddle you thru this is aobut the rest of your life not just getting thru the next show

[D_T]

I don't have any answers for you but I share your frustrations over inability to get ripped. I would often break my diet just to spite myself even if I wasn't truly hungry. You're one of my all-time favorite FBB'ers and I checked your blog EVERY single day. Competitive bodybuilding isn't the end all/be all but I hope you continue to train and find happiness.

[Canadian Chick]

thx guys, tons of good advice,comments and inspiration,

I am going to just continue tryin to just find a nice balnce in my life, eat healthy, train and try to lose some weight. I know if i get down some, it is motivating for me to keep going,

thanks guys!