Please explain women to me

**Gray** · 02-26-2009, 03:07 PM

I'm seriously at a fucking loss here.

Two days ago I made a thread, asking how to show a girl a good time via massage. I also mentioned she did enjoy it thoroughly and I couldn't have received more compliments from her if I asked for them. All was well and all have been since early January. I know this since she initiated most of the contact, meetings and dates. Off course I've also done my part in making sure that she enjoy spending time with me, surprised her with day outs, gifts etc. When around my place, she never wanted to leave etc. In short, everything was balanced.

So this afternoon she rings me upset, telling me that she is still not over her ex and she is meeting up with him tonight to 'talk things over'. So immediately I thought, WTF, she hardly ever mentioned him, but tried to be as supportive as possible, biting my lip really really fucking hard and told her that she SHOULD meet him if it's going to help. (a.k.a, polishing the gun and aiming it at my foot). She said she appreciated my understanding and will be in touch before the meet and directly after and that this is just something she must do for her own peace of mind.

So I had a shitty afternoon, early evening came, no message, the time for the meeting came, nothing, no message. This is really grating on me now.
Just as I thought I'd allow myself to fall in love again, I get whacked on the balls very hard and reminded that this women creatures, truly are from Venus.

I've now started preparing myself for the worst. Feeling like shit, not in the mood to train, disinterested in work, can't be fucked to force food into myself six times a day, constantly wondering if I fucked up, etc etc.
Funny thing is, I know it's not my fault and not in my power to change it. Still, I'm feeling like shit right now. When will I learn

**Gray** · 02-26-2009, 03:15 PM

Just to add. I don't think I've been melodramatic here. If she's not over him, it obviously means that she has been trying very hard getting over him being with me, and that it didn't work.

**Suzy Brown** · 02-26-2009, 03:27 PM

Yes, it sounds like a "its not you, it me," kinda deal.

Sorry you had to be the rebound guy. You win some, you lose some.

If I were you I'd not want to see her again, no matter what. That wasn't a nice thing to do to you. I don't like people who say they'll do one thing and then don't. Its not like you asked to be part of it, she offered, and then left you hanging. Shows some insenitivity...

Sorry.

**Gray** · 02-26-2009, 03:42 PM

If she leaves, I will handle it. I recognize it's only chemicals the brain release to make you feel like shit and that one day it will be gone.

It's what to say to her if she does ring me eventually, if she does.

Angela123 · 02-26-2009, 03:44 PM

rebound.

dont let her back with you.

she has always been in love with her ex this whole time. dont buy this, "for my peace of mind" bullshit. that is code for, "im not over my ex."

sorry.

Angela123 · 02-26-2009, 03:44 PM

how long have you been seeing this woman?

**Suzy Brown** · 02-26-2009, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Gray

It's what to say to her if she does ring me eventually, if she does.

Something along the lines of "I think it was kind of insensitive of you to say you'd keep me in the loop and then not do it. Its not like I asked to know any of that, you offered... and then you didn't show me the courtesy of following thru and I was left wondering what was going on. I think I always treated you with respect and great affection. Since you didn't return the sentiment, this will probably be the last we speak. Good luck."

Angela123 · 02-26-2009, 03:50 PM

I've now started preparing myself for the worst. Feeling like shit, not in the mood to train, disinterested in work, can't be fucked to force food into myself six times a day, constantly wondering if I fucked up, etc etc.
Funny thing is, I know it's not my fault and not in my power to change it. Still, I'm feeling like shit right now. When will I learn

listen to yourself...you are making yourself get all worked up. u said it yourself..."ive now started to prepare myself for the worst."

its not even the end of the day and you cant eat and dont feel like training. stop that shit. dont let her get the best of you. get to the gym tonight damn it. i guarentee you will feel better. i go through bouts of bad depression in regards to my body image and binge eating...there are days i cant even get out of bed and i cant even look at myself in the mirror bc of my fucked up body image. the last thing i want to do is go to the gym that has a bunch of people there. but u know what...i go every time. i have never stayed home when i feel very depressed. i have missed work and wont go out in public when im depressed but i never miss the gym. and once i get there and start lifting...i feel so much better. i always end up leaving the gym in a better state of mind. the gym is seriously my anti depressants.

**Sistersteel** · 02-26-2009, 03:55 PM

I gather you've only known this woman a month or a little over? Hardly enough time to fall it love my dear. Though I am sure this situation ails you deeply, you will be over her in no time. It was a passing thing and I am sorry you caught her on the rebound. I would certainly stay away from her if you are finding yourself getting emotionally involved so early in the relationship. Its just more heartaches and headaches.

**Suzy Brown** · 02-26-2009, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by Ondrea

.i go every time. i have never stayed home when i feel very depressed. ... i never miss the gym. and once i get there and start lifting...i feel so much better.

Same here. I feel bad and its the only place I want to be. Its the stabilizing force of my life, like church probably is for some people.

**Gray** · 02-26-2009, 04:05 PM

Look, it don't mean that I will sit in a heap with a bottle of Jack and a gun. I will off course force myself to continue as normal and nobody will ever know that I've just been taken for a ride.

To answer your questions Ondrea, we've known each other for 6 months and only been dating for 2 months. I'm not in love with her or anything but I'm just disappointed.

Oh, and she actually just sent me a message, i'll copy it over word for word

"I want to run away...far far way, for a week, with you. Away from him.."

Ok, not exactly Shakespeare, but I'm sure hope can be found in that. Anyway, I've not replied and turned my phone off. If she wants to get in contact again, she has some serious explaining to do and would have to work for her place back into my life as gf. That's if the girl from the juice bar don't agree to go out with me

**Suzy Brown** · 02-26-2009, 04:20 PM

Sounds like another re-bound to me... and no apology either? You deserve better.

Angela123 · 02-26-2009, 05:30 PM

rebounding, still in love with ex and wants some drama in her life. take it from me. i was that chick. i think ived used that line.

trust me babe...i know you are happy...but its not for real.

**sassy69** · 02-26-2009, 05:42 PM

The last thing you want to do is be viewed in someone's mind as the alternative to someone else. That means it almost doesn't matter who you are, as long as what you bring is NOT what the other guy is. Its just not the place you want to start at.

People are "over" other people when they no longer elicit any sort of dramatic emotional response over them - be it anger, sadness, whatever.. the person's actions or influence drives no significant response from you.

At that point, you can be in the picture on your own merits & not in comparison to the ex.

This is the annoying part about relationships - you can't control the other person. But you do have control over how you respond to that person..

**Gray** · 02-26-2009, 05:50 PM

I read all your responses and it makes perfectly sense. It's just, love or lust or whatever the hell this was, is like a drug. You know it's bad for you, yet you gravitate towards it like a moth to a flame. I know exactly what I should do, you've all given me your opinions and it's exactly what I should be doing, yet, if you're in this position...

Right now it's taking twice the willpower a 300lbs 100 rep squat would NOT to turn on that phone and ring her. Hopefully I'll hold