ABP's 1200-day road to Pittsburgh (2013).

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Got the memory foam bed today, so we'll see how that feels regarding my shoulders.

I also injected the Lipostabil into my "test lipoma" for the first time. It stung a little, but I really don't think I got enough in there. This is an obvious, easy to reach lipoma on my left forearm, large enough to easily monitor the shrinkage. I will "learn" the process on this one, and then apply what I learn to the lipomas on my abdomen and elsewhere.

In other news, my bosses at work have started to schedule a lot of early morning meetings (and a few late PM ones, too), so for a while I probably will have to shift my workout time to mid-day.

[MsGuns]

My thought on not competing until 2013 is that I need to get a lot bigger (specifically, thicker) and that competing every year has held me back from that to some degree. So, this long off-season should hopefully help me grow, unhindered by any pre-contest dieting!

gotcha...i might be in the same boat but wanting to pursue other things.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

So, I finally got around to cancelling my membership at my old gym. They require a written notice to be brought into the gym (Fitness 19) and you have to talk with a manager. I guess the idea is that they will try to persuade you to stay with some kind of incentive ... but we never got that far.

Here is how the conversation went:

Manager: I hear you want to quit your membership. Can you tell me why?

ABP: Sure, I found a better gym, and joined there.

Manager: Wait, a better gym?!?!

ABP: Absolutely.

Manager: Because, I've got to say, I find that very offensive!

(I'm thinking: Dude, you have no showers, only one of every type of weight machine, no locker room, you have people change in a closet ...)

Manager: What gym did you join?

ABP: PowerHouse.

Manager: Oh, them. That's just a bunch of meatheads over there, bodybuilders and steroid users and what not!

ABP: My kind of people.

Manager: (Looks at form.) I see that you'd be willing to reconsider if the monthly rate was umm ... zero?! Nice. Look, I worked very hard to get where I am, and so it irks me when someone tries to tell me this isn't the best possible gym!

(It went on for a while after that. He was truly miffed.)

It's not like they need more members. Everyone is tripping over each other as it is, and it's hard to find a place to park.

But what hurt me most was: He couldn't tell I was a meathead bodybuilder!

[magsmalone]

So, I finally got around to cancelling my membership at my old gym. They require a written notice to be brought into the gym (Fitness 19) and you have to talk with a manager. I guess the idea is that they will try to persuade you to stay with some kind of incentive ... but we never got that far.

Here is how the conversation went:

Manager: I hear you want to quit your membership. Can you tell me why?

ABP: Sure, I found a better gym, and joined there.

Manager: Wait, a better gym?!?!

ABP: Absolutely.

Manager: Because, I've got to say, I find that very offensive!

(I'm thinking: Dude, you have no showers, only one of every type of weight machine, no locker room, you have people change in a closet ...)

Manager: What gym did you join?

ABP: PowerHouse.

Manager: Oh, them. That's just a bunch of meatheads over there, bodybuilders and steroid users and what not!

ABP: My kind of people.

Manager: (Looks at form.) I see that you'd be willing to reconsider if the monthly rate was umm ... zero?! Nice. Look, I worked very hard to get where I am, and so it irks me when someone tries to tell me this isn't the best possible gym!

(It went on for a while after that. He was truly miffed.)

It's not like they need more members. Everyone is tripping over each other as it is, and it's hard to find a place to park.

But what hurt me most was: He couldn't tell I was a meathead bodybuilder!

Don't take it too hard. It is a matter of perspective. It's like when you start to getting leaner and someone will say to you "Wow you are really getting skinny". It is not that they mean to insult you. It is just that they don't know any better. So just head over to your new Gym and kick some butt!

[GENESIS]

lol @ a monthly rate of $0

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Okay, 2 nights on the "memory foam" mattress, and I seem to wake up a lot less sore. So far, it is great!

[bodyhard]

So, I finally got around to cancelling my membership at my old gym. They require a written notice to be brought into the gym (Fitness 19) and you have to talk with a manager. I guess the idea is that they will try to persuade you to stay with some kind of incentive ... but we never got that far.

Here is how the conversation went:

Manager: I hear you want to quit your membership. Can you tell me why?

ABP: Sure, I found a better gym, and joined there.

Manager: Wait, a better gym?!?!

ABP: Absolutely.

Manager: Because, I've got to say, I find that very offensive!

(I'm thinking: Dude, you have no showers, only one of every type of weight machine, no locker room, you have people change in a closet ...)

Manager: What gym did you join?

ABP: PowerHouse.

Manager: Oh, them. That's just a bunch of meatheads over there, bodybuilders and steroid users and what not!

ABP: My kind of people.

Manager: (Looks at form.) I see that you'd be willing to reconsider if the monthly rate was umm ... zero?! Nice. Look, I worked very hard to get where I am, and so it irks me when someone tries to tell me this isn't the best possible gym!

(It went on for a while after that. He was truly miffed.)

It's not like they need more members. Everyone is tripping over each other as it is, and it's hard to find a place to park.

But what hurt me most was: He couldn't tell I was a meathead bodybuilder!

LOL ohh he could, he was just fucking with you since you were leaving his gym

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Saturday, I attended the NPC Michigan Bodybuilding Championships. I went to pre-judging by myself and to the evening show with Eliot (my almost 16-year-old son).

Pre-judging was okay. It started about 35 minutes late, which is pretty typical. I didn't mind this time, because I was talking to a lady 2 seats over who was brand new to weight training. She has just joined the PowerHouse gym in Detroit (Highland Park, actually), and still has that "new lifter" enthusiasm about her. She told me stories about how much she loved the gym, except for a few bad eggs: One guy followed her around to every piece of equipment and just stared at her. Not in a lustful way, but in a "you're a noob; get out of my hardkore gym" kind of way.

She told me she liked the grunting and the clanking of weights. "Grittiness" was the word she used; she likes the grittiness of PowerHouse. I think she will go far. I was able to teach her a few things during our short conversation. For example, she wasn't clear which compound exercises the triceps contributed to, and which ones the biceps helped with. She's still pretty much of a clean slate. Or maybe "sponge" is a better word. She is somewhat obese, but I predict a dramatic transformation for her if she keeps up her current level of enthusiasm.

I only stayed through half of pre-judging, because I still had Mother's Day shopping to do. There were only 2 Teen Men competitors, but they were both amazing. There was one extremely strong over 40 Masters competitor, and one incredible over 50 Grand Masters guy. The Fitness competitors were weak, IMHO; there were only two of them. The Figure classes were STRONG, however. I was very pleased to the condition that most of those ladies brought to the stage. Bikini ... a couple of very good competitors. Eliot's and my favorite was the eventual Bikini Short class winner, but lost the overall to the Tall class winner.

That's it for pre-judging. The "dysfunctional" part didn't happen until the evening. I'll post that in a few minutes.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

The evening show was fairly well packed. I always like to see that.
But things started going haywire very early on. One of the main recurring problems was the CD player. I would say that at least 10 competitors' music would not play properly on this CD player. It is very similar to what happened at my contest in March. The CD player just starts skipping, sometimes skipping back to the beginning of the track, and sometimes to a random place in the track.

How this affected the competitors varied: One guy ended up getting to pose for almost 3 minutes, so maybe it helped him. Some had to finish out their routines in silence, but the crowd helped them out with a lot of applause. In any case, it is not what a competitor wants to have happen after weeks of practicing a posing routine! With the amount of tickets they sold at $25 a pop (more for VIP) I think they could splurge and invest in a new CD player.

I don't know how this happened, but for several classes, when the results were announced, the names did not match the competitors' numbers. Usually, the names were announced in the correct order, but the wrong number was called. For us in the audience who didn't know many of the competitors, it was very confusing.

But that was not nearly as bad as what happened two or three times: they called out the wrong final 5! I can imagine the elation and then dejection on the part of the competitor who originally thought he/she made Top 5, but then was made to file off stage with the rest of the class, and was not called back out for the "corrected" Top 5. In the worst example of this (one of the Figure classes), the lady who finished out of the Top 5 already had her trophy in her hand, and they made her give it back. Granted, she was rightly placed, and should not have been in the top 5, but more care should have been taken with names and numbers, to assure the correct 5 people were out there.

Then, there was poor sportsmanship. In the Grand Masters class, there were two very out-of-shape guys, as well as the best guy in the whole contest, and some good but not great competitors. I could have beat 2 or 3 of them, Eliot said. But the really soft, flabby guy was an amazing poser. He could really move, and he could also do the splits quite convincingly. But, as they say, you "can't flex flab". But ... he was called out among the final 5. Fifth place was announced. It was an older (perhaps 60), frail looking gray-haired gentleman. So far, so good. Then, one of the mid-level bodybuilder's name was called for 4th place (this was the guy who won my 2009 contest, by the way). He was irate! And he sort of had a point, since he had just been judged to have finished behind the Michelin Man. He set his trophy down (at least he didn't throw it), and stormed offstage.

Then, the judges realized ... Uh-oh, it has happened again. We have the wrong Top 5 out there. They have the four guys still up there file off stage and they call out a new Top 5. The fat guy is not among them, but the second or third weakest competitor is. But the guy who stormed off is nowhere to be found. They call his name over the P.A. system. Finally he walks back out on stage. They announce the same guy in 5th place. So far, so good. Then, just as before, Mr. Attitude gets called for 4th place. He hesitates a split second, and then ... does the exact same thing as before. He sets his trophy on the stage and walks off!

Eliot said later: You'd think someone over 50 would want to set an example for us younger guys.

Then, later, I got told by another fan to shut up. Well, basically. As I mentioned, I had not stayed until the end of pre-judging, so I didn't know if the really good Grand Masters guy had crossed over into the Open class. I simply said to Eliot:

"I wonder if he'll cross over to the Open class. If so, I bet he wins the class!"

Immediately, the uber-attractive (young Jodie Foster type) blond in front of me turns halfway around and barks:

Shut up! Don't say that!

I couldn't figure out at first why she said that. I kind of thought she must be related to the Grand Masters guy and didn't want me to "jinx" him. But, as it turned out, she was with the guy who finished 4th place in the class that the GM crossed over into (and won). He was properly placed in 4th, but when his name was announced, she stormed out of her seat full of venom and anger. I kind of wanted to tell her that, no matter what opinion a fan offered to the fan next to him, all the comparisons had been done at pre-judging, and her boy's placement had nothing to do with my voicing my opinion.

Anyhow ... the judging was mostly very good. Only one notable exception: One class winner who should have been 3rd or 4th. The crowd was not so much angry as simply stunned. He was out of his league, compared with the man who should have one. And it is not the first time for this competitor, either. Eliot and I saw him win the Teen class in 2008, when another competitor clearly outclassed him. I can think of no other explanation than that politics of some kind are involved in this competitor's unrealistically high placings.

All in all, the strangest bodybuilding event I've attended so far.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I can think of no other explanation than that ( uhh, hanky panky?) politics of some kind are involved in this competitor's unrealistically high placings.

Two other possible explanations:

1) The judges are looking for something other than what my ideal is. There were 7 judges for this event, and they all had him 1st or 2nd.

2) I'm just really, really confused. I tried to back and look at his other "unfair" placing, and I don't even think it was the same guy!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I think I am starting to see changes in my back, due to priortizing it since the end of March. It is a bit hard to tell, with my new, lush coating of bodyfat.

One thing I will say for sure: I really like the Hammer Strength Iso-Lateral Low Pull machine!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

where the puck have you been?

I don't have too much news to report, so I've just been jousting with the atheists in the Politics & Religion threads.

After my March 27th contest, I gained 30 pounds real quick (164 up to 194 pounds), then leveled off. I had some problems with edema (holding water in my ankles). I finally got rid of that by dropping my salt for about a week.

Still nursing a few injuries: My right knee (which I had sprained) seems okay on every leg day, but then hurts me the 2nd and 3rd day after. For a while, both my shoulders were very sore on chest/shoulder day, even from the first warmup set. Then, too, I still have the forearm chronic injury which makes it difficult to do any rear delt work.

For the knee, my strategy will be to go a bit lighter, with higher reps for a while.

For the shoulders: My left one healed itself. I'm finding that if I switch to dumbells instead of barbells, it is easier on the shoulder. So, I'll do that for a while.

I'm supposed to be doing 4 cardio session of 30 minutes each, per week. I haven't been very successful at that. Various ongoing "emergencies" at home, added to my general apathy about cardio, have derailed me there.

I am still prioritizing back thickness. I seem to be putting on some size, but it is hard to tell at this heavier weight.

I'm still planning to attend the Master's Nationals, with my son.

In non-bodybuilding-related news, I bought this guitar:

[Neal Grossman]

Paul,

I agree with Big Axioma, keep giving to it. Keep those long range goals in sight.

Neal

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Paul,

I agree with Big Axioma, keep giving to it. Keep those long range goals in sight.

Neal

Don't worry, I will!

Good chest/shoulder/triceps workout this morning. For once, I actually got a pump in my chest. Almost always, I end up frying my front deltoids, with hardly any stress in my chest. Changing from incline bench to incline dumbbell presses for my 1st exercise seems to have been a good move!

I've got to consciously break out of some of these ruts I'm in.

I'm back to actually liking skull crushers again ... for a while, I couldn't stand them.

[THEVMAN]

Paul, in the '08 MN, there was a competitor who overshot his diet. He was 6'-5" and weighed in at 222lbs. Yeah.....222lbs is skinny at 6'-5". But he was shredded. He had to compete in the HW class, where the other guys weighing 220lbs were 5'-9". There were 20 or so in his class and the SOB got 4th!!!! (or maybe 5th, but he got a trophy). And he got the experience of being on the national stage against high-level competitors...experience that is invaluable.

Don't judge yourself too harshly regarding size. Understand that the 50+ guys are just as juiced as 20-something national competitors. If you cross to the darkside, you won't need 1200 days to be ready. You already know how to get shredded!

Glad you said that - I will be in the 50+ middle wts at 5'11", but I want the experience of being there with the best, and you never know how long you will be around. It my age, size is just not improving enough to wait any longer - I did the heavy wts and bulking diet, now I am taking 6 months of dieting to get the best conditioning I can. Sometimes you just have to go for it with what ya got. But I certainly respect anyone's choice to dig deep and do it their way.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Glad you said that - I will be in the 50+ middle wts at 5'11", but I want the experience of being there with the best, and you never know how long you will be around. It my age, size is just not improving enough to wait any longer - I did the heavy wts and bulking diet, now I am taking 6 months of dieting to get the best conditioning I can. Sometimes you just have to go for it with what ya got. But I certainly respect anyone's choice to dig deep and do it their way.

So, you will be at Masters Nationals this year? If so, I'll look for you. (I'm going as a spectator only.)

[THEVMAN]

I will be there - 1st time, so trying to get in the best condition I can - way to tall for the class but there to enjoy - I have been in Excalibur in LA and Northern Kty show, pretty big shows - but I hear this is a great experience, so I am looking forward to it - would like to meet

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I will be there - 1st time, so trying to get in the best condition I can - way to tall for the class but there to enjoy - I have been in Excalibur in LA and Northern Kty show, pretty big shows - but I hear this is a great experience, so I am looking forward to it - would like to meet

Cool! I look forward to it.

[Baldiewonkanobi]

Hi Paul....we creep closer to the Nationals. Those 1200 days are quickening. I can vouch that long term planning will be the key. Our friend Neal has found a niche/groove that allows for repeditive competition. I could never do that succesfuly...tried it. Time under load and testosterone maintenance was/is my key to hitting that image I want in Pittsburgh. I suspect it is the same for you. I have discovered that there are two types of Lipomas. 75%-100% of the size of all but two were zapped by the Meso tratments. Those two the Doc feels are so dense that they can only surgically removed. Too late too close to stage time. Overall I'm OK to go for Pitt visualy. Get this done early so if you need to excise any there will be no scars.

Baldie

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Hi Paul....we creep closer to the Nationals. Those 1200 days are quickening. I can vouch that long term planning will be the key. Our friend Neal has found a niche/groove that allows for repeditive competition. I could never do that succesfuly...tried it. Time under load and testosterone maintenance was/is my key to hitting that image I want in Pittsburgh. I suspect it is the same for you. I have discovered that there are two types of Lipomas. 75%-100% of the size of all but two were zapped by the Meso tratments. Those two the Doc feels are so dense that they can only surgically removed. Too late too close to stage time. Overall I'm OK to go for Pitt visualy. Get this done early so if you need to excise any there will be no scars.

Baldie

THANKS! Yes, I feel the same way regarding what it will take for me to be stage-ready.

Good info on the lipomas, too! Thanks!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

The world of bodybuilding can seem surreal at times.

I keep my lifting stats and measurements (somewhat inaccurately) on bb dot com ... and somehow, this morning, my height got changed to 10'0" ... I think I would have noticed that change. LOL.

Yesterday, while doing treadmill cardio, I tuned the TV to an old episode of Mister Ed (you know, that talking horse show), and they had Mister Ed working out to Jack LaLanne!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I'm still training first thing in the morning. I don't mind training at that time, but I'm realizing that I just don't like to get out of bed that early. Once I'm on my feet, though, the chain of events that carries me down to the gym is set in motion, and I'mf fine.

Tonight is a giant rite-of-passage for my 16 year old son: his first opportunity to drive a car on the drag strip. Our Ford Enthusiasts club has an open track night at our local quarter mile. Eliot has been mentally (and on various gaming devices) doing this since he was about 4 or 5 years old.

But this will be his first time doing it for real. I think I'm almost as excited as he is! I will try to capture video to post to YouTube.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Here are a couple of videos from the track last night.

In the first, Eliot pulls a hole shot on the yellow GTO (driver is having some trouble shifting, too) but gets caught at around the 1000-ft mark.



In the second, Eliot is in the near lane, and beats another Marauder (friend of ours).



This was a blast. Eliot had really good reaction times, improving almost every pass, but never redlighting. Honestly, it is more fun watching him race than doing it myself.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Thanks, Curt.

Wow, for the last couple of weeks, I've just been feeling "beat up" ... that's the best way I can find to describe it. I seem to be not quite recovered for a given body part when it rolls around on the schedule.

I think I'm either slightly overtrained, or else I am not getting enough sleep.

I'm going to try taking approximately a week off from the weights. During that time, I'll do only abs, cardio, and stretching. Then we'll see if I'm all re-energized for lifting weights again.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

According to Ross, we are all undertrained.

Yeah, you're right. Maybe my problem is not taking every set to failure?!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I've been ruminating about why I bother with bodybuilding, given my really poor genetics. I didn't come up with any solid answers.

But I did come up with this:

It is my opinion that for success in bodybuilding, after picking the right parents (genetics), the next best thing you can do is to make sure not to have any kids. I only have 2, but they add so much stress to my life in so many different ways, that I'm sure I could be hyooge if I was not a parent!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Okay, I am finishing up my 4th-of-July vacation, and today will be the last day I rest up from lifting.

I feel totally energized, and cannot wait to get back in the gym!

I'll train with my son tomorrow at PowerHouse.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

The bad part about my workouts last week was that I somehow injured my lower back doing deadlifts. Not a particularly heavy weight, either. My form must have been bad.

The good part about my workouts last Wednesday and Thursday, though, was the good effort put forward by my 16-year-old son Eliot.
A year ago, he was 6' tall (or 5'12" as my friend Harper would say) and 170 pounds. Now he is still 6' tall, but weighing in at 190 pounds.
The change was brought about largely by taking a "Weight and Body" class at his high school. He is at that cool age where he seems to grow just by looking at the weights.

I like his attitude in the gym, too. He has a good balance: he works hard, but he doesn't pile on weights he can't handle in order to try and boost his ego.

Our workouts together were delayed about 7 weeks due to his having physical therapy for an elbow injury sustained in karate class. He was careful about the elbow last week, but not timid. I think he's going to turn out okay!

This morning, I missed a scheduled leg workout. The only thing worse than missing a workout would be missing one and not caring. So far, every time I miss a workout, I care a lot about it! So, I was able to get in to my company's Fitness Center ahead of the lunch rush, and had a very good leg workout.

Seen at the gym today: A skinny runner guy, coming off the 1/13th of a mile track, whistling the theme from Underdog ... okay, then!

Also: a guy who couldn't have been over 23, with a very good (potentially great) physique, doing 1/3 squats on the Smith Machine. Doh!

[bodyhard]

Hey man, checking in, trying to catch up on all the journals!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Hey man, checking in, trying to catch up on all the journals!

Thanks! I just now noticed this.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

The fellow in the linked article below goes to my church. I don't get to talk to him a lot, because he usually attends a different service than I do.

Lloyd Coon started lifting weights as a Marine during World War II, and at 84, he is still pumping iron.

Coon lifts weights for competitions and trains teenagers in the aspects of physical fitness as well.

The former boxer won first place in the 80-to-84 weight lifting age group in April in South Bend, Ind. But the win was uneventful compared to other victories.

http://www.mlive.com/living/flint/in...oon_of_sw.html

(The article is a couple of years old; I just stumbled upon it now.)

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Hope things are going great for you. Haven't heard from you in awhile.

Things are going, anyhow.

I haven't put together a perfect week of lifting/cardio/diet in over a month now. Either I've gotten injured, and can't lift as I'd like, or else I didn't get the cardio in, or else I ate too much junk.

This week is starting off well, though. Really good leg workout this morning.

I'm jazzed about Pittsburgh!

Also, I keep trying to get blood work scheduled with my HRT doctor; it seems to be hard to find someone around here to just draw blood and send it in to a lab ...

[gman]

go online to privatemdlabs.com.

order a test and you get a prescription which you hand carry to labcorp!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I am not doing well at the moment.

I am so depressed that I have been seriously considering skipping Pittsburgh this weekend. I'm still hoping to make it out, and I hope it helps counteract the things I've been going through.

A lot of it is my job. I was the victim of a "hostile takeover" 2 years ago, in which I was involuntarily drafted into a department I don't like at all. It's been pretty hellish since then. At my twice-a-year performance reviews, my manager always tells me how worthless I am. I've gotten really low performance ratings since joining this department.

Then, yesterday, my computer quit on me. A guy from systems support came to help me with it this morning, and we thought we had a workaround, but that eventually failed because he tried "one more thing" which broke it again. I expect to go a whole week without any productive work (through next Thursday), and then next Friday is my performance review, in which I'll get raked over the coals again.

If I could take the pay cut, I'd quit and go back to teaching high school, like I used to. The pay is about 40% of what I make now.

Then, too, my kids (particularly the 12-year-old daughter) are making life hellish at home. I've been trying to find out who I apply to in order to resign from this job.

I'm fat, weak, and all the usual descriptors that go along with our own favorite flavor of dysmorphia.

I had an episode of over-drinking on Tuesday, which just spiraled me down lower.

So, that is the ugly truth of where I am at this moment.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Stay strong brother and come to Pittsburgh. Get away from it all.

Thanks; that is my plan.

[DUKE56]

Keep your chin up. I understand about the job thing. I've been working two jobs for 19 years. Yep crazy isn't it. It's mostly just weekends (the second job). I just thank the lord i have to work both jobs, instead of asking the lord to give me a job. Been there got the t-shirt.
Just keep digging, don't let the boss get to you. Pray for god to get you through it.
I'll remember you in my prayers.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Keep your chin up. I understand about the job thing. I've been working two jobs for 19 years. Yep crazy isn't it. It's mostly just weekends (the second job). I just thank the lord i have to work both jobs, instead of asking the lord to give me a job. Been there got the t-shirt.
Just keep digging, don't let the boss get to you. Pray for god to get you through it.
I'll remember you in my prayers.

You make a good point: At least I have a job!

Thanks very much for the prayers. I know they work!

[bodyhard]

I am not doing well at the moment.

I am so depressed that I have been seriously considering skipping Pittsburgh this weekend. I'm still hoping to make it out, and I hope it helps counteract the things I've been going through.

A lot of it is my job. I was the victim of a "hostile takeover" 2 years ago, in which I was involuntarily drafted into a department I don't like at all. It's been pretty hellish since then. At my twice-a-year performance reviews, my manager always tells me how worthless I am. I've gotten really low performance ratings since joining this department.

Then, yesterday, my computer quit on me. A guy from systems support came to help me with it this morning, and we thought we had a workaround, but that eventually failed because he tried "one more thing" which broke it again. I expect to go a whole week without any productive work (through next Thursday), and then next Friday is my performance review, in which I'll get raked over the coals again.

If I could take the pay cut, I'd quit and go back to teaching high school, like I used to. The pay is about 40% of what I make now.

Then, too, my kids (particularly the 12-year-old daughter) are making life hellish at home. I've been trying to find out who I apply to in order to resign from this job.

I'm fat, weak, and all the usual descriptors that go along with our own favorite flavor of dysmorphia.

I had an episode of over-drinking on Tuesday, which just spiraled me down lower.

So, that is the ugly truth of where I am at this moment.

Wow man that is not the person I met in Pitts I would have never known. Keep your head up man shit if fucked up all around, life is just not fair but we just have to keep on trekking...

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Wow man that is not the person I met in Pitts I would have never known. Keep your head up man shit if fucked up all around, life is just not fair but we just have to keep on trekking...

You would not believe how much the 48 hours in Pittsburgh improved my attitude!

[Ibarramedia]

I am not doing well at the moment.

I am so depressed that I have been seriously considering skipping Pittsburgh this weekend. I'm still hoping to make it out, and I hope it helps counteract the things I've been going through.

A lot of it is my job. I was the victim of a "hostile takeover" 2 years ago, in which I was involuntarily drafted into a department I don't like at all. It's been pretty hellish since then. At my twice-a-year performance reviews, my manager always tells me how worthless I am. I've gotten really low performance ratings since joining this department.

Then, yesterday, my computer quit on me. A guy from systems support came to help me with it this morning, and we thought we had a workaround, but that eventually failed because he tried "one more thing" which broke it again. I expect to go a whole week without any productive work (through next Thursday), and then next Friday is my performance review, in which I'll get raked over the coals again.

If I could take the pay cut, I'd quit and go back to teaching high school, like I used to. The pay is about 40% of what I make now.

Then, too, my kids (particularly the 12-year-old daughter) are making life hellish at home. I've been trying to find out who I apply to in order to resign from this job.

I'm fat, weak, and all the usual descriptors that go along with our own favorite flavor of dysmorphia.

I had an episode of over-drinking on Tuesday, which just spiraled me down lower.

So, that is the ugly truth of where I am at this moment.

I'm a bit late here as I was just passing by. I'm sorry to read about your trials and tribulations at work. It is a very good thing that they have not let you go considering what you wrote about your manager and your performance reviews. Keep your head up and things will be better. Once in a while the man upstairs throws us some obstacles to work through.

[AnglicanBeachParty]

I get funny thoughts when I do cardio.

Check my latest blog entry:

http://hotrodanglican.blogspot.com/2...-and-nuns.html

[Baldiewonkanobi]

This can not be the same man and same kids that were in my room just 12 days ago. You have been a rock in the Forum for some time. How do we get your life back to July 23rd? You have my number...

Baldie

[tifflex]

I get funny thoughts when I do cardio.

Check my latest blog entry:

http://hotrodanglican.blogspot.com/2...-and-nuns.html

Love the insight!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

cool blog

Love the insight!

Thanks for reading it!

This can not be the same man and same kids that were in my room just 12 days ago. You have been a rock in the Forum for some time. How do we get your life back to July 23rd? You have my number...

Baldie

Actually, Baldie, I wrote about my "depression" before I came to Pittsburgh. Being at Nationals and meeting you and the others (plus finding a really cool Anglican church Sunday morning in Pittsburgh) is what pulled me out of it. So you saw me in nearly full recovery!

[AnglicanBeachParty]

Wow, I have not been updating here at all, have I?

I have had a relaxing summer, perhaps too relaxing. I didn't get 1/10 of the things done that I was supposed to get done. Which is bad, even for me. I usually aim for getting 20-25% of my goals accomplished (LOL).

So, I had to pass on attending the North Americans, and stay home and do home repair projects. A good decision in the long run, but hard to swallow at the time.

Did I mention I am fat? Well, pretty fat. I had been tipping the scales at around 202 for a while, and had to buy new pants for work. I'm getting regular with my cardio now, though, and I weighed 197 this morning.

It is slowly settling in on me how short this "1200 day" thing is. Forget that, how short life is, period! Two years from now, my son should be in college. Time is zipping by.

Thank God for bodybuilding, and the discipline it requires. I'd be a mess without it.