Round 2 as a Bodybuilder...My Roller Coaster Ride to Eastern USA's and Nationals

[The Prodigy]

I am with ya! When I diet for a show I am up at 5am and don't get home again until 9pm. My job is physically, mentally and emotionally draining as is so prep makes it ever harder!!! I think the people that love prep may not have as stressful of a job as you do....just something to consider!

[stephaniewicked]

at least if you gonna be grumpy you can make us laugh

So damn true! That probably doesn't make you feel physically better, but maybe you can smile a little bit knowing we're all smiling when we read this thread...

We should start a club... Fat Ass Sisters 4 Life (FAS4L, for short of course!) LOL I don't know what I gotta do to get this damn thing in check, but if you're as hardcore as you are and you have this problem, then there's no hope for me. Damn female hormones... I envy and admire your photos from last year, so I KNOW it's possible for you to shred up... so 6 more weeks and it's on! (You hear that Melissa's ass? It's ON!!!!)

Okay, I'm being silly now... I think sleep deprivation is kicking in! Have a good weekend, love!

[Melissa]

I am with ya! When I diet for a show I am up at 5am and don't get home again until 9pm. My job is physically, mentally and emotionally draining as is so prep makes it ever harder!!! I think the people that love prep may not have as stressful of a job as you do....just something to consider!

Yeah, my schedule is pretty much the same...I'm up at 4:30 and don't get home until 8 or 8:30 at night. My job isn't necessarily physically demanding, but it sure as hell drains me mentally, and I think that's what take such a toll on me during prep. I feel like I have mush-brain as I type this right now lol.

So damn true! That probably doesn't make you feel physically better, but maybe you can smile a little bit knowing we're all smiling when we read this thread...

We should start a club... Fat Ass Sisters 4 Life (FAS4L, for short of course!) LOL I don't know what I gotta do to get this damn thing in check, but if you're as hardcore as you are and you have this problem, then there's no hope for me. Damn female hormones... I envy and admire your photos from last year, so I KNOW it's possible for you to shred up... so 6 more weeks and it's on! (You hear that Melissa's ass? It's ON!!!!)

Okay, I'm being silly now... I think sleep deprivation is kicking in! Have a good weekend, love!

Actually, it does. I'm glad that I (and other people) can find some humor in it. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's making fun of myself I fully embrace the fact that I'm just a hot mess sometimes.

And LOL at FAS4L! My training partner just said to me last night that my ass/hamstrings officially make me the president of the IFF (I'm Fucked Foundation for those of you who don't watch the Jersey Shore). Of course, he was joking. But seeing that both of us love that show and the fact that I'm really going to have to suffer to get my toosh to come in, it was pretty fitting.

Yes, it's true, I'm a huge fan of that show, and here's my rationale....I live a pretty drama-free life. I like to keep shit simple. But I do enjoy me a bit of drama, as long as it's not mine. And if there's any show that's the definition of hot mess drama, it's the Jersey Shore. Oh yeah, and the Real Housewives of NJ. Ummm, can you say Danielle Staub? Trainwreck! Anyway, one of my random thoughts during my early morning cardio sessions was to combine the two shows. Could you imagine? Put Theresa and J-Wow in a room together and some asses are getting beat down. Throw in a little Snookie and Danielle and you got a Hot Mess Express. Maybe I missed my calling as a reality show producer

[stephaniewicked]

No, you've got the right attitude... if you can find the humor in the suckiness that can sometimes be contest prep, then you're doing pretty damn okay! I need to be able to do that more.

Yes, I enjoy Jersey Shore as well. I admit it! I'm not as big of a fan of RHNJ, but I have watched quite a few episodes this season. I'm looking forward to the reunion show this week!! RHOC is my favorite and RHNY is second. I can't stand the Atlanta crew and I refuse to get hooked on DC so I won't even watch it. I have enough bad tv addictions (hello Food Network!!) Don't need anymore!

[Melissa]

In case anyone was worried about me going MIA (and I know you all were), I'm alive and well. I'm feeling the crunch of the diet and have had some pretty low energy days, but I'm hanging in and continuing to make good progress. It's a struggle to maintain my strength in my upper body at this point, but it's still there, and I'm going to fight like hell to hang on to it. I can't believe in 5 and a half weeks I'll be back on stage again. I CANNOT wait!!!!

On a side note, it looks like Edward Scissor Hands shaved my legs today. Now that I'm starting to get separation in my quads and hams, I can't do my usual rush job of shaving since I don't have that wonderful layer of fluff to help protect against the nicks. I have to use what little finesse and patience I have to actually take my time.

[sba220]

In case anyone was worried about me going MIA (and I know you all were), I'm alive and well. I'm feeling the crunch of the diet and have had some pretty low energy days, but I'm hanging in and continuing to make good progress. It's a struggle to maintain my strength in my upper body at this point, but it's still there, and I'm going to fight like hell to hang on to it. I can't believe in 5 and a half weeks I'll be back on stage again. I CANNOT wait!!!!

On a side note, it looks like Edward Scissor Hands shaved my legs today. Now that I'm starting to get separation in my quads and hams, I can't do my usual rush job of shaving since I don't have that wonderful layer of fluff to help protect against the nicks. I have to use what little finesse and patience I have to actually take my time.

8:31am....our tax dollars hard at work.

[Melissa]

Haha, you smart ass! FYI, I get paid by COUNTY taxes....a county in which you no longer live, so there.

[Melissa]

First of all, I have to give major props to all the guys (and girls--as few as they may be) who work outside all day, especially anyone doing manual labor, and is involved in contest prep. I do NOT know how you do it! I am a complete and total wuss. Today, I was out on the shooting range all day for work, and it was in the 90's, sunny, and really humid, and I wanted to die. And we weren't even doing manual labor, just a lot of shooting. Even though I was mentally ready to go for the workout, my body was so shot....the sun and the heat really just zapped all my energy (not that there's really much of it to zap). So, to anyone who works outdoors in this shit and then goes and kills it in the gym, especially during contest prep, hats off to you because you're a much stronger person than me.

So far, it's been a pretty good week, and I'm really looking forward to this weekend. I took Friday off to give myself and even longer weekend, and I intend on taking full advantage of the extra time to just REST. I realize that anyone reading this must think that I live the most boring life ever, which, I guess I do. But when I'm prepping, I really try to make getting rest a top priority, even if it means making things boring for a couple months. Anyway, I also have the return of my cheat meal this weekend. Last weekend we opted to pull the cheat meal and do some experimenting with carb loading to get an idea of what we're going to do leading up to the show. As sad as I was to not have my cheat meal, it was an important weekend because we learned a lot about what works for me and some tweaks we might need to make. For this weekend's cheat meal, I need to clean it up and make it a little more structured, which is fine. I just appreciate the mental break from the diet. Unfortunately, I think the remaining weekends are going to be spent with further experimenting. I shouldn't complain, though, because come contest time, I won't be freaking out wondering how my body is going to react to carbing up. And me not freaking out is good for the sanity of everyone around me

[Melissa]

Bear with me, because this could be a whole lot of rambling....

As I'm practicing my posing tonight in the group fitness room, I can't help but look at myself and feel my head fill to the brim with doubt. Wondering just who the hell I think I am getting on stage to compete at Nationals again. Wasn't last year enough of a lesson for me that I'm not ready for that level yet? I look at myself and think, girl, you still need to fill out that frame of yours. You have no back width. You have virtually no hamstring detail. You need fuller, more muscular glutes. Your bi's are lagging. And bottom line is you're gonna be a tiny middleweight this year....why are you even bothering trying to stand next to some of those other girls?

This feeling is made even worse by the well-meaning, average gym-goers who look at me and tell me how fantastic I look and how I'm definitely going to win whatever show I'm doing. Do you people even KNOW what amazing women I'll be up against? Or the young girls who tell me I have "perfect" legs. Honey, these legs are going to be what make me suffer for the next 5 weeks. But how do you explain this to people who know nothing about the sport and could never understand the feelings of self-doubt that can be all consuming sometimes? I often make the mistake of trying to explain to them, which only leads more frustration because they just don't get it.

Now I know what some people might be thinking....oh, don't be silly, you're going to do great, of course you deserve to be up there, yadda yadda yadda. I think that's most people's natural reaction when someone expresses doubt about their abilities. But before anyone even starts to think that (especially if you're a competitor yourself), stop for a minute and think how you would feel about being told that in response to your feelings of doubt. When you're at this stage of the game, these feelings of self-doubt can be so real and so deep that you need to just let them run their course. I know that, for me, they can be gone as quickly as a couple of hours (maybe less because I'm able to vent them here). And while they will likely return again, probably several times, over the next 5 weeks, I know that they will never completely overpower the ultimate feelings I have for this sport and my own competitive "career." And I guess that's why I'm able to keep coming back each year with the intention of improving over my last trip to the stage.

Hopefully, some of this made sense. I've never been one to hold back (coach will confirm this). And to be honest, the little energy that I do have these days is usually spared for more important things....like getting my GTL on

[Suzanne]

The first question you need to ask: Why am I doing this?

If the answer is because you love it then it isn't about a placing it is about personal achievement and beating yourself. Bringing a better package to stage each show. If you have done that then you have won regardless of where the judges place you.

[tammyp]

ummm..first pro show feelings right there mel!

[Big Sky Guy]

Self-doubt is a completely normal part of the process, whether it be prepping for a show or some other form of competition, or taking on a new position at work.

In proper amounts it is known as humility, but too much creates fear and hampers our ability to compete successfully. Lack of self-doubt can also cause issue when it leads us to take actions beyond our capability.

We have all likely heard of the concept of a "healthy" amount of fear. That comes when we have properly prepared ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally and yet still have those little doubts. But if we have prepared, it is much like putting ourselves on autopilot. Our body memory takes over and we perform well in the face of fear and doubt. "Go and do" requires preparation and faith.

You are doing your part, embrace the journey. This date is but one of many destinations in your life.

[Melissa]

The first question you need to ask: Why am I doing this?

If the answer is because you love it then it isn't about a placing it is about personal achievement and beating yourself. Bringing a better package to stage each show. If you have done that then you have won regardless of where the judges place you.

ummm..first pro show feelings right there mel!

Self-doubt is a completely normal part of the process, whether it be prepping for a show or some other form of competition, or taking on a new position at work.

In proper amounts it is known as humility, but too much creates fear and hampers our ability to compete successfully. Lack of self-doubt can also cause issue when it leads us to take actions beyond our capability.

We have all likely heard of the concept of a "healthy" amount of fear. That comes when we have properly prepared ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally and yet still have those little doubts. But if we have prepared, it is much like putting ourselves on autopilot. Our body memory takes over and we perform well in the face of fear and doubt. "Go and do" requires preparation and faith.

You are doing your part, embrace the journey. This date is but one of many destinations in your life.

Thanks you guys! You're all right, too. How I was feeling the other night was just as I suspected....only a passing thought. And in no way does it impact how I feel overall about why I do this. In fact, like BSG said, it's more of a "healthy" fear for me and helps keep things in perspective and keep me determined to continue improving. It also makes my transition into the offseason a little smoother, if that makes any sense. I know I have goals to work toward as I transition out of contest prep, and since I thrive on having structure, it works well for me.

So, I'm officially at 5 weeks out. I can count the weeks left on one hand...yikes! I was 130.6 this morning, which is only one pound down from last week. But that's ok because I'm clearly tightening up. I actually think (hope???) that I'll be a couple pounds heavier than my original goal of 120. Either way, it's ultimately irrelevant because I'll still fall right into the middle of the middles

I had a good talk with Sean about where I'm at and what the plan will (sort of) be for the next several weeks. He's happy with the way things have been going and feels that I'm right where I need to be. It looks like I'll be heading down to LI in a couple of weeks so that he can see what I look like in person and run me through some serious posing. We both know that, even though I practice regularly on my own, there's nothing like having someone run you through the mandatories and force you to hold them and make little tweaks to the poses.

I've gotten a little away from talking about my training lately because I've been so wrapped up in the head game of this sport. But my training, for being 5 weeks out, is really still going pretty well overall. Despite struggling to keep my strength up during some of my workouts, it's still about 90% there, which I'm very happy about. In the past, usually by about halfway through the diet, my strength really tanks, and my workouts turn into a pathetic attempt to just drag myself through them. That's not really the case this year....at least not yet anyway. I'm hoping that this change will reflect positively in my physique, too. Logically, it would, but then again, what the fuck is really logical about anything in this sport?

[Melissa]

In case I haven't acquired enough evidence to demonstrate that I'm completely nuts (I work in the criminal justice system, so it's always about having enough of the right kind of evidence lol), I now have another little nugget of proof. I actually asked to have my cheat meal pulled after this past weekend. Here's my reasoning....MY ASS IS STILL FAT! Ok, well, it's not that it's fat, per se, but my glutes and hams are being a bunch of stubborn-ass mother fuckers. That would be the scientific terminology, of course. I know I've said it a thousand times before, and I'm going to say it another million times over the next four and a half weeks....I realize they are always the last to come in, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

Anyway, I had other reasons for requesting the cheat meal be pulled, too. For some reason, this year, the cheat meal was really messing with my head. And I'm talking crazy head games here. In the past, I would plan the cheat meal a day or two in advance, get really excited about it that day, eat it, and then be done with it. Well, not this year. It seems like this year, I would spend much more time than usual planning it. I'd actually lose sleep the night before it in anticipation of the meal. And then the worst part about it was the guilt I'd put myself through for the next several days after it. I never did anything I shouldn't have with a cheat meal and never really went overboard (even though I was always afraid that I did). In fact, I think just about every week I would send Sean an "I fucked up with my cheat meal" email. He probably just started deleting them eventually without even reading them. I don't know why, but I just couldn't seem to handle it mentally this year. It was so weird. Talk about disordered eating....who actually decides they don't want a cheat meal? So, I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I figured, I'm at a point where it would probably be more beneificial to take it out altogether or replace it with some more experimental "carb ups." I'm not sure what we're going to do about it this weekend, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

All I know is that I am hungry....literally and figuratively. I will do whatever I need to do to bring my best look to the stage this year. I'm still pretty far towards the bottom, so really, the only place for me to go is up.

[Big Sky Guy]

Environmental enforcement here.

Work around attorneys all the time and how you say what you say always matters. So, re-packaging the cheat meal to a carb-up can alter how we perceive and therefore react to the information in the statement. Let us know how it goes for you.

I am just an enviro-cop who loves a donut on Monday morning! Good luck bringing your best in a couple weeks!