Most horrific gym experience ever

**lomox** · 08-10-2010, 05:26 PM

At least its my most horrific gym experience. It goes like this...

Its Sunday. Leg day. I'm all psyched up to do a new leg routine I've been putting together for myself and I had a decent nights sleep, so I'm ready to go. Take my NOxplode stick thingy (I like these pre WO once in a while) and head to the gym. Head down to the leg press sled, drop my gym bag next to it and proceed to warm up with some air squats and jumps. Once I start sucking a little wind I notice an unpleasant aroma in the area. "Hmmm" methinks as I check my pits and clothing for the source of the scent that seems to be getting increasingly more pungent. Nope, not me. What is that smell anyway? No one is around (because its 9AM on a Sunday) so there's no one to cut one lose but me. And it wasn't me. Then what the fuck is it?! Whatever, I'm ready to go so let's get it on. Got a few plates on the sled, jump on for a 15 rep warmup set. (I should note that due to two lower back surgeries I have to extensively prexhaust my legs before attempting to put any weight on my back) Okay now the smell is worse and I still cant find the source. But fuck it, I'm hardcore right! I load up a few more plates for another warmup set and its then that I notice something. Something on the seat of the leg press. Something brown. That's not a Baby Ruth... oh...my... god... its fucking SHIT! A smear of fucking shit right where someones ass crack would be! "That's fucking horrible!!!!" I exclaim aloud. I grab the disenfectant and go to town on this thing, happy I hadn't started my working sets yet, but pissed that my timing is all thrown off now. Oh well. So I get on to do another warm up after this 5 minute scrubbing interlude, hop off the machine and...

..this is where it gets horrible... the shit stain is back! Impossible I thought. I scrubbed that shit to death. The only way that could be there is if... oh god... no... I run to the mirror and hike up my shirt... but I cant get a good look I reach behind to turn my shorts around to the front and... AHHHHH!!! Shit all over my fucking hand! Someone else's shit is on the band of my shorts and now my hand! At this point I am standing next to the disefectant stand and the gym cleaning guy is refilling bottles next to me. "Ahhhh...ahhhh..." I exclaim as I reach for paper towels and spray. The cleaning guy looks at me and says "its all right sir, everything is alright". I said "No. No its not all right! This is someone elses shit!" "Oh my god!" he says. "Here use this" as he hands me his bottle of super enzyme killer spray. "Thats horrible sir. What happened?" I explained it to him as helped me clean off my shorts and hand. He advised me to get the manager, which he then did. He told the manager to get me new shorts and told me I should shower immediately. The manager reluctantly gave me a pair of shorts from the gym store (I had an extra shirt) and I took a shower and changed. The cleaning guy apologized up and down. I went back and did legs without the leg press (did a hell of a lot of lunges instead). Yeah so maybe I'm not so hardcore. But that was fuckin horrible.

**Mac** · 08-10-2010, 05:29 PM

You have a shit hole of a gym.

**Yoshe** · 08-10-2010, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by MacTech

You have a shit hole of a gym.

Agreed (and nice pun). Whoever didn't notice the shit on the leg press when they closed the night before was obviously not doing their job...

**sassy69** · 08-10-2010, 05:32 PM

I hope the guy before you was hitting some amazing PRs that justified a poo.

**FIREBLAST** · 08-10-2010, 05:33 PM

I didn't know you worked out at the same gym Mr.G lifts at.

**Timbo89** · 08-10-2010, 05:33 PM

thas the funniest thing ive read in a while. I haven't had anything near that bad happen to me lol

**Ibarramedia** · 08-10-2010, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by lomox

At least its my most horrific gym experience. It goes like this...

Its Sunday. Leg day. I'm all psyched up to do a new leg routine I've been putting together for myself and I had a decent nights sleep, so I'm ready to go. Take my NOxplode stick thingy (I like these pre WO once in a while) and head to the gym. Head down to the leg press sled, drop my gym bag next to it and proceed to warm up with some air squats and jumps. Once I start sucking a little wind I notice an unpleasant aroma in the area. "Hmmm" methinks as I check my pits and clothing for the source of the scent that seems to be getting increasingly more pungent. Nope, not me. What is that smell anyway? No one is around (because its 9AM on a Sunday) so there's no one to cut one lose but me. And it wasn't me. Then what the fuck is it?! Whatever, I'm ready to go so let's get it on. Got a few plates on the sled, jump on for a 15 rep warmup set. (I should note that due to two lower back surgeries I have to extensively prexhaust my legs before attempting to put any weight on my back) Okay now the smell is worse and I still cant find the source. But fuck it, I'm hardcore right! I load up a few more plates for another warmup set and its then that I notice something. Something on the seat of the leg press. Something brown. That's not a Baby Ruth... oh...my... god... its fucking SHIT! A smear of fucking shit right where someones ass crack would be! "That's fucking horrible!!!!" I exclaim aloud. I grab the disenfectant and go to town on this thing, happy I hadn't started my working sets yet, but pissed that my timing is all thrown off now. Oh well. So I get on to do another warm up after this 5 minute scrubbing interlude, hop off the machine and...

..this is where it gets horrible... the shit stain is back! Impossible I thought. I scrubbed that shit to death. The only way that could be there is if... oh god... no... I run to the mirror and hike up my shirt... but I cant get a good look I reach behind to turn my shorts around to the front and... AHHHHH!!! Shit all over my fucking hand! Someone else's shit is on the band of my shorts and now my hand! At this point I am standing next to the disefectant stand and the gym cleaning guy is refilling bottles next to me. "Ahhhh...ahhhh..." I exclaim as I reach for paper towels and spray. The cleaning guy looks at me and says "its all right sir, everything is alright". I said "No. No its not all right! This is someone elses shit!" "Oh my god!" he says. "Here use this" as he hands me his bottle of super enzyme killer spray. "Thats horrible sir. What happened?" I explained it to him as helped me clean off my shorts and hand. He advised me to get the manager, which he then did. He told the manager to get me new shorts and told me I should shower immediately. The manager reluctantly gave me a pair of shorts from the gym store (I had an extra shirt) and I took a shower and changed. The cleaning guy apologized up and down. I went back and did legs without the leg press (did a hell of a lot of lunges instead). Yeah so maybe I'm not so hardcore. But that was fuckin horrible.

ROFLWAFBB.

This is the funniest thing i've read in a while. Sorry you had to go through that horrible shitty experience.

No pun intended. I must say that cleaning guy sounded like a butler. I could just picture Alfred from Batman saying those lines.

**SwoleChamp** · 08-10-2010, 05:55 PM

damn bro thats really crappy-(no pun)

**cook** · 08-10-2010, 05:58 PM

Turd on the leg press huh? geesh what next?

**GENESIS** · 08-10-2010, 06:01 PM

AWESOME story.

**jgr74zap** · 08-10-2010, 06:03 PM

Man..this is the funniest thing i have read in a while..What gym do you go to..

**lomox** · 08-10-2010, 06:05 PM

I guess in hindsight its pretty funny.

Yeah I can only imagine how it happened... super intensity or burritos and coffee?

And it was NYSC in Astoria, Queens. All around a real nice gym. Ironically the nicest and cleanest I've ever belonged to.

**Ibarramedia** · 08-10-2010, 06:06 PM

The dude probably intended to fart but turns out shit came out.

**saiyajinali** · 08-10-2010, 06:11 PM

Thats disgusting..

Damn, you should have saved a small sample of it in a zip loc & send it off for forensics to get a DNA profile on it.

Check it for hits in the National/International DNA database.

If you find a match, track the guy/girl down.

Then commence to beating them until they produce you another sample, like the 1st one they left for you...