Dating a Female Bodybuilder

**Gaoshang Xiongshou** · 01-27-2011, 07:25 PM

I was asked by a friend to give my thoughts on life with a female bodybuilder. The reason for this was because that she found it difficult to understand why men could not approach her, or had the wrong idea about her and her discipline, what she wanted in a man since she trained and competed, and a whole host of other issues. So I wrote. I shared. She posted on her blog. I shared with Dave, and he thinks this would make an interesting topic of discussion, plus it would grant a chance to see feedback regarding my take on the matter. So, here is what came of the request:

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It befuddles me, and at the same time, amuses me, when I hear the plethora of reasons for not wanting to date a female bodybuilder. Do men not remember that they are in fact women? Underneath the trained and developed muscle, regardless of where she is now or how much she lifts or how intensely and committed she is to her craft (essentially, artistry of the self), she is still bits and pieces of that same young girl whose memories of her childhood are as fresh and vivid as if they happened just mere moments ago, much like so many men who are the same way. She still is that young woman of middle school age, having seen the difficulties of growth into a new body and the beginnings of new social circles, a mingling mixture which no one, regardless of age, will ever escape. She is that college student, who began to see too much and know too much about everything, yet truthfully, saw nothing and knew nothing because there was so much of the world to still be discovered… just the same as any man. She is no different than you, save for gender, and perhaps a drive that some men perhaps do not possess or can fathom. And it seems to me that such short sightedness would clearly see any man miss out on someone who has as much life, vigor, and lushness of soul for this human experience that we all share… and that would be a shame because you would base it on preconceived notions and ill-advised so-called societal norms.

And who am I to tender such an opinion?

My name is Brandon Best. I speak as someone who is on the other side… that being that I have gone so far as to pass merely dating a female bodybuilder… but have also married one. And in this, while true, I have married a female bodybuilder, I now and actually always have seen her as a woman who happens to be a bodybuilder. I stress this one word: WOMAN. Now, this is not to get a rise out of the pundits who wish to rally against female bodybuilding and those individuals. I mention the word because at the very core of any female bodybuilder, that is what you find. Now, of course, individuals may vary… but for those men who are leery of what a female bodybuilder is about, think about your mother… sister… aunts… nieces… even some other female friends. Are they not nurturing, caring, considerate? Do they not have senses of humor, enjoy several different pastimes, hold conversations, and have experiences from their life that they can share? And come now… let us be truthful about things… is it possible that some of them, and perhaps even you (whoever you are if you are a male reading this) have and hold on to something in life that is so monumentally important to them and that they embrace with such passion that they want or like to do, regardless of the scrutiny it may bring them, or the fact that some people cannot relate, identify with, or comprehend why or why it is that they do what they do?

Exactly.

So then, why does it have to be different for women who lift? Let us be clear here: We all have the same number of muscles, the same number of bones, our hearts pump blood the same way, and so on and so forth. With the exception of hormones and reproductive organs, we are the same. This is said to say that they are not women trying to be men… they are trying to improve upon what they were already given. After all, if a man weighs 300 lbs. and does not like being overweight and wants to weigh 225 lbs., he wants an improvement over his current state, correct? It is the same for the women who lift. AND… did it ever occur to any of you that she just might actually like it? Perhaps she gets something from it that no other activity can give her. The reasons are countless. But the fact remains: she trains. So guys, if you are one of the ones that justifies passing up on a woman because she lifts and who has a developed and defined musculature, you might want to at least ATTEMPT to get to know that woman if you have any inkling of an attraction or curiosity about her. If she trains and you do not, that does not mean that she will not be attracted to you. But to be fair… yes, there are some who do prefer men who follow the same lifestyle, at least somewhat. Again, it varies from individual to individual… but then… do we all not have preferences? If you are not attracted to this kind of woman, then that is fine and well. But do not assume that just because she is into bodybuilding as a lifestyle (or even competitively) that she is only interested in someone who is the same. It is not always like that. For the most part, if she is like any other woman, she wants someone that will look at her and like/love her for who she is as a person, instead of what she looks like. And while it may sting for any male readers to read this, women tend to be a bit more forgiving about this than men do, so if you are going to treat her right and with respect, if you are not her physical ideal, she still just may look past that… which will be a big plus for you, male readers, if you are seriously attracted to her. This is not a guarantee… nothing in life is, except death and taxes. But still proceed, find out who she is, get to know her if you want… decide from there. And if you happen to not be her physical ideal… here is a thought… maybe you two can grow together?? Is that not what relationships are about anyway? So, if you find yourself with a female bodybuilder, or want to, you never know… her efforts just may inspire you to do the same… or at least improve upon yourself if you want to.

NOW… on the note of what female bodybuilders (and I actually put Figure and Fitness competitors under this umbrella) go through to do what they do and be where they are… the lifestyle is fairly brutal, considering all it entails. It definitely is not for the faint of heart. But it can be rewarding, on quite a few different levels. If you find it hard to deal with what she is doing, when, why, how… whether she be natural or chemically enhanced, competitive or not… the bottom line is that due diligence must be paid to the craft. So understand that if you find yourself faced with a strictly regimented woman on a quest, it is not personal. If your fragile male ego is going to take a blow, you need to keep your distance, because your feelings are going to get hurt, and the funny part about that is that it will not even be her that hurts your feelings… it will be you who does it to yourself. Ahhh… but there is more to a female bodybuilder than just her sets and reps, her chicken and asparagus, and her tan. Of course, you already knew that.

Or did you not?

If not, stop wondering, and find out already!! Life and time wait for no one. Not even you.

Me… while my marriage to a female bodybuilder is still fresh and young, I am anxious to see it ten years from now, and in ten year’s time, I will be waiting to see what the next ten years has brought us. Each day is a new chance to learn something more about her, how she thinks, what makes her tick. I love it. And I love her.
Take a chance, guys. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

**flexingtonsteele** · 01-27-2011, 07:30 PM

Do u guys live together yet?

**Bryan Hildebrand** · 01-27-2011, 07:31 PM

who dates female bodybuilders anyway?

**qbanfreak90** · 01-27-2011, 08:04 PM

not me...hell no.

**barbellman** · 01-27-2011, 08:11 PM

yea pass

**Massfreak2063** · 01-27-2011, 08:27 PM

.....Where the hell does one even find a single female bodybuilder? I had one (ish) and she ripped my heart out...and I had to search states away.
Obviously that doesn't change my need of having the significant person in my life be into working out and being at least big-ish....but she did what she did

**Massfreak2063** · 01-27-2011, 08:27 PM

I would never date anyone that wasn't into the fitness/bodybuilding lifestyle.....

**Melissa** · 01-27-2011, 08:58 PM

Brandon, I hit you up on FB about this already, but I think you make a lot of really good, brutally honest points in there. Thanks for backing us up as always!!