Someone help me! Pro turned slob....

Canadian Chick · 10-04-2009, 10:50 PM

Hey guys,
I read RX every single day. I love bodybuilding, fitness, figure, everything. I enjoy reading everyone's opinions and comments here at RX. So, as i linger here in my world of just "unknown" i thought maybe i could reach out to some people who know alot about alot and get some feedback. Here's my story in brief...

I turned Pro at the 2007 Canadian Nationals taking 2nd in the MW class. I was 23 at the time. It was my dream and i was elated to join the elite list of pros. I struggled with my diet but i got better and better and i was very happy with how i looked that year. i had improved so much so i was happy. I was critisized for my conditioning not being spot on and i knew this was the one thing i needed to improve on as a pro. easy right?? not so much....

Fast forward to now. A couple months ago i announced i was no longer gonna compete. What lead me to this decision? The truth is- It was 2 years of failed attempts of dieting. I couldnt take it anymore, the failure and disappoinment i kept feeling took a further toll on my self esteem. How can i not diet?? how can i not do what i have done before? how can it be so much more diffcult all the sudden? I DONT KNOW. I did the keto diet and also a diet with carbs (similar to what i did in 2007) and i could do it for a bit- then i just COULDn't...... i know it can be done, i am not nieve, i realize how much work and effort this sport takes.. I cannot compete as a professional when i cant even diet

So, here i am, 25 years old and i have quit bodybuilding before i really ever got good. My struggle is that i love bodybuilding so much, and the decision to let go haunts me every single day. Since deciding to stop the try/fail cycle i did for over 2 years, i have gotten even more outta shape. I dont even resemble anything close to a professional bodybuilder. I know your thinkin, so do it! eat riight and get in shape! I say it to myself over and over......but if anyone has ever been in this type of hole they know how i feel. The deeper i dig myself the worse it gets too.

I tried to keep this short and it hasnt worked so well...... theres just so many thoughts and reasons and things running thru my head i guess.

I just wana reach out to people who kinda understand.... I convinced myself i was ready to stop competing for more than one reason but why then does the thought and wanting to do it keep haunting me. I just keep feeling i wish i was up there. Should i just feel peace with my decision, let it go, since i am not able to do it. Or do i pursue it AGAIN- and how the hell do i make it through it this time if i do??? i feel so far gone, like theres no return

Throw out yer thoughts.....

Cindy

Jer · 10-04-2009, 10:58 PM

I wish I had some stellar advice to give you what you need, but I don't. However, I say, you're still young, you have time to gather yourself and get back to it. You've done it once (well, I'm sure more) you can do it again.

You said it yourself, you love bodybuilding (and you're certainly great at it), so find a way.

Good luck CC. I wish you the best.

sassy69 · 10-04-2009, 11:00 PM

Damn girl! You look fabulous but you're just starting your life. You do have your whole life ahead of you, and there is "always another show". But it sounds like first of all you need to get back to being happy w/ yourself. Can you start a program just to get back to a place where you are happy, w/o the pressure of having to compete, and then go from there?

Welcome to RX & at the very least, just hang w/ us for a while. The rest will start to fall into place.

debbiebramwell · 10-04-2009, 11:03 PM

Oh dear..I wish I had the right solution for you or could tell you anything that would help you..I do know you are young and have time on your side. I will say that anything we do is a mindset and being someone who is very into personal growth and studying the mind,success etc I would reccomend that you do some reading, going to seminars etc that will help develop you from the inside out....success comes from how you think, its not a physical thing...there is a deep rooted reason why you are not able to commit or follow through...I dont know if you have ever seen"the secret"? that may be one of the many tools that can help you change your focus in a way that would better serve you...

I will say this..I am a fan of you....I think you are amazing! my biggest wish for you is to be happy and have peace on the inside before anything else....I would want you to follow your heart in what brings you joy. Of course the reasons for competing should be the right ones...your self worth is so much greater then what you look like....
if you need anything I am a pm away

Diggy · 10-04-2009, 11:03 PM

I think you can do it when your heart and mind is in it. Im sure you can do it!

*hug*

~gymdiva~ · 10-04-2009, 11:04 PM

WOW omg Cindy! I know how you feel...well, minus the pro part! welcome to our board for sure and for reaching out like this!

APK · 10-04-2009, 11:04 PM

Honestly, that picture on the left is by far one of the hottest pictures of a female bodybuilders in shape I have ever seen. Right when I saw that picture on the left I was pretty shocked, its extremely impressive.

Maybe its time to latch yourself onto someone who can do your diet for you. This would force you to do what HAS to be done. Your look is something that I think will take you as far as you want to go.

thachozenonebx · 10-04-2009, 11:08 PM

that contest pic is on the money. I am just a gym rat so I cant speak to competing and the disappointments but if the bug is starting to surface why not seek a coach who can help you along?

im sure if you started training again, that muscle memory will kick in

and hey, even if you wanna stay on the sidelines dont be a stranger to bodybuilding...and welcome to RX by the way

esplendido · 10-04-2009, 11:17 PM

I'm going to throw this out....a stab in the dark, but not a completely uneducated guess:

I'm guessing that deep in your heart, you don't feel like you really have what it takes to compete at the next level. You're afraid of failure....stepping up with the pros and holding your own. Without realizing it, your drive to diet is lost to this feeling and you find comfort in food.
I'm also guessing you might have suffered some other setback....loss of a relationship, failure at work or school....something that makes you feel like a loser.

You need an encouraging individual to help you past that point....someone who will not pull punches, but does believe you have what it takes. Look for that person, especially if they have bbing experience to be able to judge you intelligently. You can make it.

Ibarramedia · 10-04-2009, 11:18 PM

I'm no expert, I just lift. Do what you feel is right. If your issue is dieting then just train for now while you take time off from competing. Just lift weights. When you are ready to come back to competition then you can hit your diet.

You always have my support.

MsGuns · 10-04-2009, 11:24 PM

Hi Cindy...
I went thru something similiar when I stopped running track...I didnt know if I did the right thing or not either.
But then I found something else to occupy my time, working out and eventually competing.

Maybe you need to just take time off and regroup.

Hang in there...

debbiebramwell · 10-04-2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by esplendido

I'm going to throw this out....a stab in the dark, but not a completely uneducated guess:

I'm guessing that deep in your heart, you don't feel like you really have what it takes to compete at the next level. You're afraid of failure....stepping up with the pros and holding your own. Without realizing it, your drive to diet is lost to this feeling and you find comfort in food.
I'm also guessing you might have suffered some other setback....loss of a relationship, failure at work or school....something that makes you feel like a loser.

You need an encouraging individual to help you past that point....someone who will not pull punches, but does believe you have what it takes. Look for that person, especially if they have bbing experience to be able to judge you intelligently. You can make it.

or maybe she is afraid of success....this woman could win a pro show easily! I wish I had her structure/frame etc..she is really amazing!!have you seen her legs??

some people do sabatage themselves because of their own lack of self worth perhaps...I know their is a seed in cindy to find her answers and her truth

and she will..

Ibarramedia · 10-04-2009, 11:26 PM

If Britt and Cindy only lived close to each other permanently, they could push each other.

partsRheavy · 10-04-2009, 11:30 PM

x2.

Take some time just lifting and doing whatever other sports/activities you like just for fun.

Add songs in your iPod.

Hang out with active people who aren't necessarily competitors.

Try new ethnic foods once in a while.

Spend time with the dog or the cat.

Dissociate lifting from competition and the diet and just enjoy life.

Your photos are awesome!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibarramedia

I'm no expert, I just lift. Do what you feel is right. If your issue is dieting then just train for now while you take time off from competing. Just lift weights. When you are ready to come back to competition then you can hit your diet.

MsGuns · 10-04-2009, 11:31 PM

I would put Cindy in the same catergory as Tina Chandler, Nicole Ball and Klaudia Larsen as the NEW LOOK for FBB.

Women strive to look like these ladies.

esplendido · 10-04-2009, 11:33 PM

Oh, there's no doubt that she has everything necessary to compete and succeed in the pro ranks.....as long as she believes she can!

Canadian Chick · 10-05-2009, 12:07 AM

thx so much guys for the responses

your so sweet debbie....i admire you and others who can get in the shape you have and also maintain being in good shape year round. That is VERY professional. You are one thru and thru

A BIG part is not believing in myself. I totally believe i cant do it, because i feel that i have proven to myself over and over again i will fail and i do find comfort and happiness in food- bang on!

Not only can i not get ready for a show diet but i cant even lose some weight diet!

I have tried the not dieting, just working out thing, i have tried to just to do it for me and not for a competition- this is what i have been trying to do. it doesn't help, i still think about competing yet eat even more because i have told myself i am no longer competing. I wish i could say it has helped to ease up and just be young and just have fun.....but truly i miss training for a show and working very hard towards it.

I gain weight SO super easy and come from an overweight family. I dont want to keep going in this direction.

I have worked with a couple differnt trainers. One very well known trainer i worked with last year (not dave- dave was great), bsaically laughed at me. When i hired him, he asked me what i wanted to compete in....

He told me i am so far away from being in shape it would take a year and that doing a show was "my choice." i wanted so bad to just prove him wrong, but i think deep down it made me so much more insecure and doubtful.

thx for comments guys,
i'll figure it out someday.....2 years in limbo has been long enough!

MsGuns · 10-05-2009, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Chick

thx so much guys for the responses

your so sweet debbie....i admire you and others who can get in the shape you have and also maintain being in good shape year round. That is VERY professional. You are one thru and thru

A BIG part is not believing in myself. I totally believe i cant do it, because i feel that i have proven to myself over and over again i will fail and i do find comfort and happiness in food- bang on!

Not only can i not get ready for a show diet but i cant even lose some weight diet!

I have tried the not dieting, just working out thing, i have tried to just to do it for me and not for a competition- this is what i have been trying to do. it doesn't help, i still think about competing yet eat even more because i have told myself i am no longer competing. I wish i could say it has helped to ease up and just be young and just have fun.....but truly i miss training for a show and working very hard towards it.

I gain weight SO super easy and come from an overweight family. I dont want to keep going in this direction.

I have worked with a couple differnt trainers. One very well known trainer i worked with last year (not dave- dave was great), bsaically laughed at me. When i hired him, he asked me what i wanted to compete in....
He told me i am so far away from being in shape it would take a year and that doing a show was "my choice." i wanted so bad to just prove him wrong, but i think deep down it made me so much more insecure and doubtful.

thx for comments guys,
i'll figure it out someday.....2 years in limbo has been long enough!

well obviously he's an ass...
That wasnt helpful @ all...
I dont know what to tell you...how does one rebuild their self esteem?
So Cindy when you were an AM you were able to diet or youve never been able to diet successful?

Northman · 10-05-2009, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Chick

Hey guys,
I read RX every single day. I love bodybuilding, fitness, figure, everything. I enjoy reading everyone's opinions and comments here at RX. So, as i linger here in my world of just "unknown" i thought maybe i could reach out to some people who know alot about alot and get some feedback. Here's my story in brief...

I turned Pro at the 2007 Canadian Nationals taking 2nd in the MW class. I was 23 at the time. It was my dream and i was elated to join the elite list of pros. I struggled with my diet but i got better and better and i was very happy with how i looked that year. i had improved so much so i was happy. I was critisized for my conditioning not being spot on and i knew this was the one thing i needed to improve on as a pro. easy right?? not so much....

Fast forward to now. A couple months ago i announced i was no longer gonna compete. What lead me to this decision? The truth is- It was 2 years of failed attempts of dieting. I couldnt take it anymore, the failure and disappoinment i kept feeling took a further toll on my self esteem. How can i not diet?? how can i not do what i have done before? how can it be so much more diffcult all the sudden? I DONT KNOW. I did the keto diet and also a diet with carbs (similar to what i did in 2007) and i could do it for a bit- then i just COULDn't...... i know it can be done, i am not nieve, i realize how much work and effort this sport takes.. I cannot compete as a professional when i cant even diet

So, here i am, 25 years old and i have quit bodybuilding before i really ever got good. My struggle is that i love bodybuilding so much, and the decision to let go haunts me every single day. Since deciding to stop the try/fail cycle i did for over 2 years, i have gotten even more outta shape. I dont even resemble anything close to a professional bodybuilder. I know your thinkin, so do it! eat riight and get in shape! I say it to myself over and over......but if anyone has ever been in this type of hole they know how i feel. The deeper i dig myself the worse it gets too.

I tried to keep this short and it hasnt worked so well...... theres just so many thoughts and reasons and things running thru my head i guess.

I just wana reach out to people who kinda understand.... I convinced myself i was ready to stop competing for more than one reason but why then does the thought and wanting to do it keep haunting me. I just keep feeling i wish i was up there. Should i just feel peace with my decision, let it go, since i am not able to do it. Or do i pursue it AGAIN- and how the hell do i make it through it this time if i do??? i feel so far gone, like theres no return

Throw out yer thoughts.....

Cindy

Don't be a quitter, great conditioning takes people years to learn....

Canadian Chick · 10-05-2009, 12:21 AM

YES, as an amateur i could diet. I had a few slip ups, like a nibble here or there never anything all out or anything like as of late. My 2 years at the nationals i had a trainer who was there for me ALWAYS, he coddled me, he pushed me, he believed in me, he was there every minute. After that time, we had a personal falling out and i had to take my bodybuilding eslewhere.

For most trainers they do not have the time or energy or the need to coddle their athletes, which is totally understable. i dont know if thats related or not to my inabilty to now do it....i dont feel it is related to not having that, i shdnt need it, i believe it has to come FROM ME to be able to do it, rite?

Shadow · 10-05-2009, 12:22 AM

You have achieved a goal many strive for and never achieve, and at a young age...becoming an IFBB pro. You have what it takes to do damage in spades. You have hit a lot point, but if that bug to compete again is really still with you, seek out some assistance. There is a lot of it out there.

Start small. Make minor adjustments here and there and watch your physique slowly change, from something that "doesn't even resemble a professional bodybuilder" to someone who kinda does, to someone who looks like a pro...and a good one at that. The smallest of changes will probably seem great to you at this point, and change is what gets you hooked. And in the end you'll have that much more fire for doing what you love, knowing that you hit rock bottom and were able to put yourself together and soar again.

MsGuns · 10-05-2009, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Chick

YES, as an amateur i could diet. I had a few slip ups, like a nibble here or there never anything all out or anything like as of late. My 2 years at the nationals i had a trainer who was there for me ALWAYS, he coddled me, he pushed me, he believed in me, he was there every minute. After that time, we had a personal falling out and i had to take my bodybuilding eslewhere.

For most trainers they do not have the time or energy or the need to coddle their athletes, which is totally understable. i dont know if thats related or not to my inabilty to now do it....i dont feel it is related to not having that, i shdnt need it, i believe it has to come FROM ME to be able to do it, rite?

But thats when you were more focused and on track. Hopefully you can find another trainer like him. You need to go w/ what works and seems like thats when you were ur best w/ that trainer who was ALWAYS there for you.

debbiebramwell · 10-05-2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Chick

YES, as an amateur i could diet. I had a few slip ups, like a nibble here or there never anything all out or anything like as of late. My 2 years at the nationals i had a trainer who was there for me ALWAYS, he coddled me, he pushed me, he believed in me, he was there every minute. After that time, we had a personal falling out and i had to take my bodybuilding eslewhere.

For most trainers they do not have the time or energy or the need to coddle their athletes, which is totally understable. i dont know if thats related or not to my inabilty to now do it....i dont feel it is related to not having that, i shdnt need it, i believe it has to come FROM ME to be able to do it, rite?

are you telling yourself something different then you did before? what do you tell yourself..because thats everything! whatever you believe , then you are right....if you believe you can do it then you are right, if you believe you cant , then you are right..if you believe you are fat and worthless, you are right.......your world will unfold as you believe it will...

Ibarramedia · 10-05-2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canadian Chick

thx so much guys for the responses

your so sweet debbie....i admire you and others who can get in the shape you have and also maintain being in good shape year round. That is VERY professional. You are one thru and thru

A BIG part is not believing in myself. I totally believe i cant do it, because i feel that i have proven to myself over and over again i will fail and i do find comfort and happiness in food- bang on!

Not only can i not get ready for a show diet but i cant even lose some weight diet!

I have tried the not dieting, just working out thing, i have tried to just to do it for me and not for a competition- this is what i have been trying to do. it doesn't help, i still think about competing yet eat even more because i have told myself i am no longer competing. I wish i could say it has helped to ease up and just be young and just have fun.....but truly i miss training for a show and working very hard towards it.

I gain weight SO super easy and come from an overweight family. I dont want to keep going in this direction.

I have worked with a couple differnt trainers. One very well known trainer i worked with last year (not dave- dave was great), bsaically laughed at me. When i hired him, he asked me what i wanted to compete in....

He told me i am so far away from being in shape it would take a year and that doing a show was "my choice." i wanted so bad to just prove him wrong, but i think deep down it made me so much more insecure and doubtful.

thx for comments guys,
i'll figure it out someday.....2 years in limbo has been long enough!

Does this former trainer have the Initial H on his name?

Built · 10-05-2009, 12:32 AM

I'll make an odd suggestion to you - maybe it's not BB you want right now. Maybe you would enjoy a different challenge now - you've got the strength and the power to apply yourself to any of the strength-sports. Perhaps Olympic lifting would appeal to you - it's highly skilled, you really have to dedicate yourself to it and if you want to go back to to the physique end of the spectrum, it won't do you any HARM to come at it from this discipline.

If not Olympic lifts, perhaps powerlifting - or for that matter, strongman; I have friends who compete in strongman and they all just LOVE it.

Or I'll toss out another one: are you doing any coaching yourself? Sometimes the best way to lighten your own load is to carry someone else's.

Ibarramedia · 10-05-2009, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Built

I'll make an odd suggestion to you - maybe it's not BB you want right now. Maybe you would enjoy a different challenge now - you've got the strength and the power to apply yourself to any of the strength-sports. Perhaps Olympic lifting would appeal to you - it's highly skilled, you really have to dedicate yourself to it and if you want to go back to to the physique end of the spectrum, it won't do you any HARM to come at it from this discipline.

If not Olympic lifts, perhaps powerlifting - or for that matter, strongman; I have friends who compete in strongman and they all just LOVE it.

Or I'll toss out another one: are you doing any coaching yourself? Sometimes the best way to lighten your own load is to carry someone else's.

Those are great ideas.

Ryan Wacht · 10-05-2009, 12:41 AM

I see a resemblence to the late and great Shelly Beattie, especially in the second picture.

debbiebramwell · 10-05-2009, 12:45 AM

I really think alot of it is her wanting to have more control in her life...even now she is having a problem with food although she is not dieting for a show(using food as her drug of choice)...also with confidence(what she believes about herself)...it isnt a physical problem or her finding another hobby...

machine · 10-05-2009, 12:53 AM

Hey Cin, you really need to come to terms with what aspect it is you miss with regards to competition and if the positives of contest prep outweigh the negatives.

You obviously gave it up for a reason and even went as far as mentioning that you're young and want to live life.

The answer to your question will vary from person to person. If you compete for the love of the sport then by all means do your best and get you ass back out there. If on the other hand you miss "WINNING", you may be doing this for the wrong reason. Too many people put their life on hold for bodybuilding, spending all their time at the gym all their expendable cash on ASS for a fake gold statue.

Being that you started contest prep twice in the past and quit should not give anyone a reason to think negatively of you. Maybe your priorities were to spend time with family friends; who knows, dieting effects everyone differently.Some people have significant others that are encouraging others involved in this sport have had the exact opposite.

The first show I dieted for came to an abrupt halt. An ex and myself decided to compete in a local show. At first my progress was proceeding nicely and i was well ahead of schedule, but in the last six weeks my blood sugar was fluctuating and my diet and cardio had to change. Instead of walking onstage at less than 100% I was content to help her go on to win her show. I basically lived vicariously through others I helped. I gave it two more tries later on both ended one due to a ventral hernia and the other I probably could have followed through with but knew i was not %100 ( my blood levels was atrocious my HDL levels were at 11 and under 40 is at high risk for heart disease). My ankles were swollen from water retention, and once again for every good day i would have with my blood sugar a bad day was soon to follow.

Do I still want to compete sure i do, BUT as I said above I believe I am one of those people that would want to compete to win. I dont think I would be happy dieting for 16 weeks and miss out on life to get second place at a little show. So for now I am content to train and eat like a bodybuilder, I still diet although not for competitive reasons. At this point in time I am happy to live life as I have been, maybe in a few months or yrs this will change. Maybe the two yrs off was all you needed and something is telling you to give it a try again. Hopefully you have friends and family here that will support ya

Canadian Chick · 10-05-2009, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by debbiebramwell

I really think alot of it is her wanting to have more control in her life...even now she is having a problem with food although she is not dieting for a show(using food as her drug of choice)...also with confidence(what she believes about herself)...it isnt a physical problem or her finding another hobby...

ur good,